


A Favour Shared

by EtoileGarden



Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: AU, AU of an AU, Adam didn't go to Aglionby, Alternate Meeting, Brother Adam, Chronic Pain, Dad Ronan - Freeform, I love babies, Implied Child Abuse, M/M, Parent AU, Parenthood, Sex, Sexual Content, Slow Burn, Trauma, Uni AU, Violence, adam didn't meet the gang in henrietta, domestic abuse, explicit sex that is sexy, fibromyalgia, ish, kind of, non-magic au, parent-fic, university fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-07
Updated: 2019-08-04
Packaged: 2020-02-27 12:01:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 53,264
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18738601
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EtoileGarden/pseuds/EtoileGarden
Summary: “that was on me. I’m Adam. Parrish. Ethan’s my brother.”“Oh,” Ronan said, his surprise evident in his voice, “I thought he said - I was pretty sure he said you were his dad.”“No,” Adam said, “he probably said ‘Adad’. He does that sometimes.”For everyone who wanted a Darcy fic and an Ethan fic mashup.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [The Favourite Lynch](https://archiveofourown.org/works/18462101) by [EtoileGarden](https://archiveofourown.org/users/EtoileGarden/pseuds/EtoileGarden). 
  * Inspired by [Felt Like You Were Mine](https://archiveofourown.org/works/12478352) by [EtoileGarden](https://archiveofourown.org/users/EtoileGarden/pseuds/EtoileGarden). 



> In this fic Adam leaves Henrietta a bit earlier than he does in FLYWM, and Ronan gets Darcy earlier than he does in TFL. You don't have to have read either 'Felt Like You Were Mine', or 'The Favourite Lynch' as this is a stand alone story, but if you want extra feelings about Ethan and Darcy than knock yourself out.

For Adam’s entire life he had been working towards a goal; escape Henrietta. ‘Escape Henrietta’ really translated to ‘escape what Henrietta means to me before it’s not only my blood but my dust as well’. Which is to say, he wanted to get out and into a better life before his three after and before school jobs became his full time jobs, and his temperment worsened, and he became bitter and shriveled like his father, and he poured all his resentment out on children made by accident and - 

 

-

 

Ethan being born did not change Adam’s goal one bit. It did add a few extra steps to his plan to get out, such as ‘get custody of Ethan’, and, ‘don’t let Ethan be as fucked up as me’, and, ‘I have to get Ethan out of here, oh god I have to get Ethan out of here’. 

 

They got out of Henrietta, Ethan unscathed, Adam not, and the second part of Adam’s life plan had to start, the ‘Succeed’ part. 

 

-

 

This part was a lot harder done than said, which he always knew it would be, but harder still while acting as a parent to a five year old. He had always been the main caregiver of Ethan back in Henrietta, back in their trailer, but he hadn’t been the sole provider, the only money-maker. Here in DC, Adam couldn’t just go to university all day and leave Ethan at home because there was nobody else at their tiny flat to leave him with. Nor could he go to his late night jobs, or his early morning jobs, without first finding a good place to leave Ethan. Nor could he just go out and socialise. 

 

He had it mostly under wraps, he really did. Ethan went to the university playschool for four out of five days of Adam’s classes, because Adam tutored the theory students and therefore got the staff discount. The discount wasn’t quite enough for him to be able to have Ethan looked after for all five days, so he would bring Ethan to classes with him on Wednesdays because he had all his easy going tutors on Wednesdays, and he’d pack activity books and snacks and Ethan would sit on his lap or at his feet and entertain himself reasonably happily for the classes. 

 

During his evening jobs, their elderly next door neighbour Rosie would babysit Ethan in exchange for Adam walking her equally elderly dog Poppet, and for the morning job, Adam would pack Ethan up with his work gear and take him in to work in his pj’s and wrapped in a blanket and lie him on the empty office couch while he cleaned the surrounding offices. 

 

It wasn’t the best, but it was working, and honestly? As tiring as it was to have to lug a nearly six year old around with him (though he was an uncomfortably small almost six year old), it was preferable to leaving him with even more strangers. He didn’t trust a lot of people, and it had been a long time and only necessity that had pushed him into trusting Rosie, or even the university playschool. 

 

Still. Adam was struggling. He couldn’t really deny it. Not when he missed at least one meal a week  regularly. Not when the skin under his eyes was almost constantly bruised looking from lack of sleep due to long work hours and longer studying hours. Not when his hands were dry and cracked from over work and under comfort. Not when he was scrimping and saving everything he had so he could be sure of getting Ethan into school the following year. 

 

He was tired. Exhausted. He felt like he could sleep for weeks on end and still wake up feeling as if his body had just been through a spin cycle in the washing machine. But. 

 

But Ethan was awake in bed next to him and wriggling his toes against Adam’s stomach and blowing hot, stinky air in Adam’s face. 

 

“Wake up,” Ethan commanded, “Dime is hungry.” 

 

Dime was Ethan’s stuffed bear, so called due to the sticker than had been stuck to him when Adam had bought him for Ethan. Dime was not the hungry one according to Ethan’s rumbly stomach. Adam levered himself upright, snagging Ethan around the middle as he did so. 

 

“Ok,” he yawned, “we still have Honey-O’s?”

 

“Uh-huh,” Ethan said, squirming into a better hugging position, “I’m ya honey-o.” 

 

“You sure are,” Adam said, hugging Ethan back, and then scooping him up properly as he stood up. “Let’s get you some O’s, then honey.” 

 

-

 

They did still have some Honey-O’s, though not a huge amount, just enough for a bowlful. Also they were now out of milk. They really did need to go shopping today. 

 

“I’m gonna shower, buddy,” Adam said through another yawn, ruffled Ethan’s hair as Ethan set to devouring the Honey-O’s. “Don’t choke on your O’s, ok?” 

 

“I won’t!” Ethan replied, mouth very full. He kept speaking as Adam padded off to the bathroom, raising his voice to be heard. “The O’s! Have! Holes! I can breathe! Through! The! Holes!!!” 

 

“Good point,” Adam called back through the ajar bathroom door, turned the shower on. 

 

He had been planning on going grocery shopping today anyway, but god. He had hoped the O’s would last a bit longer, that they wouldn’t already be out of milk. That he didn’t also have the power bill to pay, or a new toothbrush to buy for Ethan because he had ‘accidentally’ dropped his toothbrush out of their second story window because it wasn’t pink. 

 

It didn’t help that he had stayed awake long into the early hours of the morning finishing an essay so he could submit it before six this morning, or that the cheapest grocery store wasn’t on a good bus route which meant they’d have to walk it, or that Adam was just so, so, so, so tired. 

 

Winter was the worst for his exhaustion. The chill made him sluggish, made his overworked joints ache with a deepness they didn’t reach in the summer, made his dry hands crack horribly. Made him have to work harder so they could keep the heater on so Ethan would be warm enough. God. He had to pay that fucking bill. 

 

He got out of the shower, dressed quickly, retrieved Ethan from under their couch where he was playing rabbits with Dime and dressed him warmly as well, and then, took them out to go buy the groceries. Best to do it early in the day to get it over with.

 

He didn’t work on Sundays, and it was his only day really to just… relax. So. If he had to go out, he wanted it done first thing so he wouldn’t have to spend all day worrying about it and could just go home afterwards and rest. Maybe next week he might have enough money to buy some cheap moisturizer for his hands. 

 

-

 

Ethan always enjoyed their grocery trips. He’d hang off of Adam’s hand and swing himself over the curbs, and kick at small rocks on the pavement, and run to press the button for the lights, wave at the dogs they passed, ask Adam about the different clouds in the sky (almost always cumulus, buddy). 

 

-

 

They do the shop. Ethan threatens to throw a hissy fit in the cereal aisle because Rosie lets him eat chocolate bombs and Adam refuses to buy them. He also refuses to give in to a hissy fit, instead spends a while looking at different O’s until Ethan gets bored and climbs up onto his feet and clings to Adam’s legs, and they move on with the shop. 

 

The total at the checkout is a little painful to look at, even though Adam had been calculating in his head as they went and already knew the price. He pays, he lets Ethan carry the bag with is just bread and cereal because he likes to feel useful but his arms are tiny and reasonably useless. 

 

-

 

It’s an uncommonly warm Winter day, the very last dregs of Autumn still holding on in rays of warm sunshine and blue skies. This was why Adam agreed to walk an extra block out of their way to go to the playground that  _ was _ kind of on their way back home. Because it was warm(ish), and dry, and Ethan wouldn’t get too muddy or too cold, and because Adam’s knees hurt so goddamned much it would just be nice to get to sit in a playground for a while and watch Ethan have fun being five. 

 

He definitely did not mean to close his eyes for as long as he did. He had thought he had just closed them for a moment to soak in a ray of sun while he watched Ethan swing, but when he opened his eyes again the sky was clouded and a gruff voice was ordering him to wake up. 

 

That was never a good sign. 

 

Ethan was crouched by his side where he was slumped against the tree trunk, looking perfectly happy and relaxed, but the man towering over him looked entirely the opposite. 

 

“What the  _ hell _ ,” the man snarled down at Adam. He was holding a small child in his arms, jiggling her slightly in a gentle way that entirely juxtaposed his tone. “You can’t just fall the f- frig asleep! You need to watch your child!”

 

Most of Adam’s brain was screaming about how horribly sore his entire body was for falling asleep like he had, stiff and slightly chilly against the hard tree bark - he would feel that for weeks - but the unoccupied rest of it was caught between being offended that this complete stranger would lecture  _ him _ about parenting when he didn’t know his circumstances at all, or, being awfully guilty about sleeping when he wa supposed to be watching Ethan, never mind that Ethan was alright and right here and grinning up at him. 

 

The guilt won, because it had the most practice at winning. 

 

“Oh God,” Adam said, his accent breaking out in an embarrassing drawl, “Ethan, buddy, I’m so sorry - I didn’t - honey, are you ok?” He asked, ignoring the stiffness of his muscles and the cracking of his joints to wrap his arms around Ethan and tug him onto his lap. 

 

Ethan giggled. 

 

“M’fine,” he laughed, poking gently at Adan’s face, “was playin’ with ‘Arcy. She’s little!” 

 

Adam looked up from Ethan to the man still looming over him like a handsome and very pissed off gargoyle. He assumed the small child he was holding was ‘Arcy.

 

“He’s fine,” the gargoyle gritted out, “because he was playing with me, and my daughter, and I was looking out for him. He might have caught someone else’s eye though, or asked to be pushed by the wrong guy, and you wouldn’t have a damn clue, sitting here asleep like an asshole.” 

 

“Ok,” Adam snapped, clutching Ethan closer to himself, “thank you for your service. Obviously I didn’t intend to go to sleep. I don’t need a lecture. Goodbye.” 

 

The man, despite Adam obviously dismissing him, didn’t actually leave. He just stood there, glaring, jiggling. 

 

Adam sat up more, placing Ethan back on the ground as he did so. 

 

“Ok, bud,” he said to Ethan, studiously ignoring the man along with the shooting pain climbing to his feet caused, “let’s get back home! Do you still have enough strength in your little baby muscles to carry the bread bag?” 

 

“Uh-huh!” Ethan declared, immediately grabbing his designated bag and hoisting it up triumphantly high. “But my legs are sleepy.” 

 

Oh. 

 

“Oh dear,” Adam said, gathering up the rest of the shopping bags carefully. “How sleepy?” 

 

“Story time sleepy,” Ethan said after a moment of deliberation, and Adam repressed a sigh. 

 

“Ok,” he said with as much cheer as he could muster while being evil eyed by the still present parent-shamer, “how about you walk for one block, and then we ask how sleepy your legs are then?” 

 

Ethan considered again, and then smiled, “Ok,” he said, “then you’ll carry me?” 

 

“Then I’ll carry you,” Adam agreed, “if your legs are too sleepy.” 

 

“Ok,” Ethan said, apparently pleased with this deal. “Bu-bye ‘Arcy!” He said then, spinning around wildly to face the man and his small sleepy child, “Love ya!” 

 

‘Arcy waved one chubby hand. “Lov you,” she replied with remarkable clarity. 

 

“An’ gu’bye Rodan!” Ethan added, hopping up and down on one foot as if goodbyes gave him eons of sudden energy. 

 

“Bye Ethan,” ‘Rodan’ said, and then sighed and reached out with one hand to touch Adam’s shoulder. 

 

Adam did not mean to immediately flinch away, but he still did, and Rodan tugged his hand back with a scowl. 

 

“Look,” Rodan gritted out, clutching his hand to himself as if Adam’s flinch had burned him, “you have a lot of shopping, and a tired toddler. How far do you have to walk?” 

 

“None of your business,” Adam retorted immediately, his hand reaching to take Ethan’s. 

 

“God,” Rodan groaned, jiggled ‘Arcy a little more. “I’m not asking to like… God I don’t know. I’m asking if you’d like a damn ride. My car is parked just over there. We were about to leave anyway. Save you from carrying that bouncy boy and all your shopping.” 

 

Adam did not really like the use of the word save. 

 

“He still needs to be in a carseat,” he said instead of an outright no, “a booster seat. He’s little.” 

 

“You’re in luck,” Rodan said, “I have Darcy’s seat and my mate’s booster in my car.” 

 

Adam kind of hated this. But. His legs hurt, and his head hurt, and his back hurt, and Ethan was almost certainly going to need to be carried for at least three blocks, and probably six, and  _ God _ . 

 

“Ok,” he said, “thanks.” 

 

“Whatever,” Rodan said, “C’mon, then.” 

 

He walked off without even waiting for Adam to reply, which pissed Adam off possibly more than a reasonable amount, and as he followed Rodan and  _ Darcy _ to the car park, he got to get a nice long view of the fact that not only was this guy a better caregiver than Adam, and also richer than Adam, but also, that he had a much fucking nicer body than Adam.

 

Worse. 

 

The car Rodan stopped at was a sleek BMW. Obviously old but with great upkeep, a new paint job. Adam’s evening job was at a mechanics, his best job in Henrietta had been at a mechanics. He knew cars like this, envied owners of cars like this, hated owners of cars like this. 

 

Rodan unlocked the car casually, opened one of the back doors, and then walked around the car and opened the other one to put Darcy into her seat. It was obvious that Adam was supposed to put Ethan in on the other side in the booster seat, that  _ was _ why he was here after all, so he put all his groceries down in the gravel and hoisted Ethan and his bread bag up into the car and onto the seat and strapped him in and Ethan laughed and reached out for Darcy’s hand and she took his hand, and it was all rather sweet. 

 

By the time Adam had finished buckling Ethan in and had shut the door, Rodan had come back around, opened the boot up, and had started piling Adam’s bags in. 

 

“I can do that,” Adam said dumbly, and Rodan shrugged and stepped away, going to the front of the car and getting in behind the wheel. 

 

The boot was ridiculous. It was an odd mixture of… shit. It was Adam’s groceries being slowly and carefully put in. It was a longboard and a spare bike tire. It was a baby bag and a folded pram. It was an emergency kit and four separate bolt cutters. It was screeds of random rocks - some pretty some barely glorified soil - and a half eaten bagel, and a chainsaw, and a - a dagger, and a suit jacket all crumpled in the corner underneath a pile of rope. 

 

What the fuck. 

 

He shut the boot, made his way to the passenger side door, and got in. Ethan and Darcy were chattering merrily in nonsense in the backseat, Rodan was on his phone. 

 

Once Adam had done his belt up though, he tossed his phone into the backseat footwell, turned the key to wake the car with a low rumble and asked where they were headed. 

 

Adam gave the address, doing his best not to sound self-conscious about it, and then turned in his seat to look at Ethan as they backed out of the park. 

 

Only once they were on the road did Rodan speak again. 

 

“So,” Rodan said, “I should have introduced myself, I guess.” 

 

Adam cleared his throat. 

 

“I’m Ronan Lynch,” Rodan who was actually Ronan said, “that’s my daughter Darcy. I probably shouldn’t have been so shitty with you, I was just -” 

 

He shrugged instead of finishing his sentence, and Adam sighed, shrugged as well. 

 

“I shouldn’t have fallen asleep,” he muttered, “that was on me. I’m Adam. Parrish. Ethan’s my brother.” 

 

“Oh,” Ronan said, his surprise evident in his voice, “I thought he said - I was pretty sure he said you were his dad.” 

 

“No,” Adam said, “he probably said ‘Adad’. He does that sometimes.” 

 

“Oh,” Ronan said again, “well. I guess -” 

 

“It’s still on me that I fell asleep,” Adam butted in, “I’m his only caregiver.” Best to get that out of the way. 

 

“Oh,” Ronan sounded like he had thrown all his other vocabulary out of the window. 

 

“I appreciate the ride,” Adam grunted, to fill in the strained silence. “And for you watching Ethan while I lost parenting points.” 

 

“Well,” Ronan shrugged, “Darcy liked him, and she doesn’t usually get along with other kids, so, it was a favour shared.” 

 

“Huh,” Adam said. 

 

Ethan called from the back to ask if Adam thought Dime would grow old and die, and the rest of the car ride was spent discussing stuffed toy mortality with a five year old and a three year old who were both incredibly invested. 

 

“Good to meet you, Parrish,” Ronan said after Adam had unloaded Ethan and Ronan had unloaded Adam’s groceries. 

 

He held his fist out, ostensibly for a fist bump. Adam obliged, cautiously, and then rolled his eyes in self deprecation. 

 

“Sorry it wasn’t under better circumstances,” he replied, “maybe we’ll see you again.” 

 

“Maybe,” Ronan replied, not sounding very much like he cared either way. “Later, Parrish.” 

 

He and Ethan watched as the BMW drove off, and then, Adam was piling the bags onto his shoulder, and Ethan was heading up the stairs dragging the bread on the ground behind him. 

 

“‘Arcy and me should play for ever- ee - day,” Ethan said slowly, taking each step carefully, the bread less carefully, “and I wanna meet her bird, and I wanna go to her house, and they have a  _ swing _ .” 

 

“That sounds nice,” Adam said, rescuing the bread from Ethan and the stairs’ joint ministrations. “Buddy,” he said, “I’m sorry for going to sleep. I should have been watching you and looking after you. If I go to sleep while we’re out again you wake me up, ok?” 

 

“You like sleeping,” Ethan said firmly, not noticing that his bag no longer had any weight in it, “sleepin’s good for you.” 

 

“Yeah,” Adam agreed, “but it’s not good for me when we’re out. I need to be watching you, ok” 

 

“Uh-huh,” Ethan said, sounding entirely unconvinced. “Can we go see Rodan tomorrow?” 

 

“You have playschool tomorrow,” Adam replied carefully, “we’ll be too busy.” 

 

“Oh,” Ethan said, “sad.” 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took awhile! We've had no internet and I have barely been able to move my freaking arms.

He hadn’t been expecting to meet Ronan and Darcy again, even though Ethan had enjoyed their impromptu play date so much. It was a big city, and it had been a coincidence they met at all the first time, and it did no one any good to lie awake in bed listening to Ethan snuffle and think  about how good looking Ronan had been. 

 

It was a week later, only a week later, when they met again, and certainly not in any way Adam had imagined (them bumping into each other at a cafe, both arriving at the same time and getting coffee together. Them both walking their dogs (Adam walking Poppet obviously) and having a 101 Dalmations moment. Etc, etc, etc). 

 

It was a Friday, which meant that Adam had gotten up even earlier than usual because he had his early class, which meant he had to go into the office to clean earlier still. Ethan had been grumpy about it, Adam had been grumpy about it, and then Ethan hadn’t wanted to be left at the university playschool, and Adam had had to leave him while he was still crying, and so he had felt just  _ bad _ all morning. He managed to go in at lunch time to check up on him, and of course Ethan didn’t care then. Well. He did, but he was very busy building a sandcastle and only really acknowledged Adam’s presence when he had to leave again, which meant that Adam had to leave again to the mournful tunes of Ethan not liking that. 

 

So. By the time he finished his last class (in which  _ he _ was the tutor), he was exhausted, and guilty feeling, and looking forward to just picking Ethan up and taking him home, and putting off his homework for the day so he could give Ethan the attention he obviously needed before taking him to Rosie so he could go to work. 

 

God. He was going to be dead by the time he got to go to bed that night. 

 

-

 

“Adam,” one of the playschool teachers, Chhaya, greeted him, “you look exhausted.” 

 

“Ah,” Adam said, “don’t I always?” 

 

“More so,” Chhaya said agreeably, then, “Ethan’s made a new friend!” 

 

“Oh?” Adam looked around the room, searching for Ethan, “That’s nice.” 

 

“They’re in the book cubby,” Chhaya told him, “she’s not a regular though, so that’s sad.” 

 

“Oh,” Adam said again, hopefully Ethan wouldn’t be too cut up about it. “I’ll go find him, thanks Chhaya.” 

 

“Later.” 

 

-

 

Ethan was in the book cubby, lying on his stomach on a large cushion and pointing at the illustrations in a large book laid out in front of him. The child sitting in a squat near his head and hovering over the book was very familiar. 

 

“Hey honey,” Adam said, announcing his arrival, and Ethan rolled over immediately. 

 

“Hey!” He called, very excited, “Look! ‘Arcy!” 

 

The other child looked up, and yep, it was indeed Darcy. 

 

“Oh wow!” Adam said, “Hi, Darcy!” 

 

Darcy lifted a hand in a semi wave. 

 

“We’re bestest friends,” Ethan informed Adam, hoping up onto his feet to hug Adam’s knees quickly, and then plopping back down beside Darcy, “and I gave’r my juss.” 

 

“How nice of you,” Adam said, “did you two have a good day today?” 

 

“Uh-huh,” Ethan said, picking the book up and laying it across his knees. Darcy sat down properly as well and tugged half of it over her knees. “Not done.” 

 

“Hm,” Adam said, “well. We have to go home, honey. But you two can finish your book first.” 

 

“Aw,” Ethan said, not looking up at Adam, “don’t wanna.” 

 

“Uh-huh,” Adam said, winced as he squatted down so he could sit down beside them, “would you like me to read it to you?” 

 

Ethan considered, glanced at Darcy who also looked like she was considering. Then she nodded, and Ethan handed the book to Adam. 

 

“Pliz,” Ethan said. 

 

“Fanks,” Darcy said. 

 

“You’re welcome,” Adam replied, stretched his legs out in front of him with another wince, and opened the book back up. 

 

“In the Manglemunching forest,” he began, “there’s a Nickle Nackle tree -” 

 

-

 

“You’ve a good reading voice,” Ronan said as Adam closed the book and looked up from the children sprawled over his aching knees to the man sprawled over the beanbag opposite. 

 

He had noticed when Ronan had arrived, three whole pages ago, but had ignored him and the feeling in his stomach so he could finish the book without interruptions. He did need to go home. 

 

“Daaaaad,” Darcy called, not moving from where her head was pillowed against Adam’s elbow, “daaaaaaaaad.” 

 

“Ok, ok,” Ronan snorted, shuffling off the beanbag and over the floor to them on his ass, “ok, you little whiny bean, c’mere then.” 

 

Once he was close enough, Darcy flopped from Adam to Ronan, and Ronan wrapped his arms around her and tugged her into a close hug before kissing her forehead and looking back to Adam. 

 

“I didn’t expect to see you here,” Ronan said. 

 

“Same,” Adam shrugged, “see you here, that is,” he added, “I’m here all the time.” 

 

“Me too,” Ethan joined in, “this’s m’fave-OR-it sit, and  _ this _ ,” he continued, “is m’fave-OOR-it book.” 

 

“I haven’t heard it before,” Ronan said, very seriously, to Ethan, “but it sounded very fun. Did you like it, baby?” 

 

“Uh-huh,” Darcy mumbled, very intent on tugging Ronan’s hoodie drawstring all of the way out. “Mickle-mackle.” 

  
  


“So, uh,” Adam said, shifting Ethan on his lap so his knees weren’t digging into his spleen. “I haven’t seen you around here. Are you studying?” 

 

“Oh, God  _ no _ ,” Ronan snorted, “can you imagine.” 

 

Adam couldn’t. Ronan took a beat, probably to remember that Adam didn’t know him and therefore could not imagine why he wouldn’t be here at this university. 

 

“One of my friends runs the student life drawing group,” Ronan explained, a little stilted, “I model for it occasionally, and she pulls a few strings to get Darcy looked after here.” 

 

“Oh,” Adam said, his mind immediately helpfully providing a lovely running image of how he imagined Ronan looked while naked and modeling. “That’s um. That’s cool. Blue Sargant, right? Your friend?” 

 

“Huh,” Ronan looked surprised, “that’s the midget, yes. You in the art scene too?” 

 

“Oh, no,” Adam said, “can you imagine,” he joked back, and Ronan smirked. “I’m bio-med,” Adam explained, “but I know Blue through a job we both had a couple of years back.” 

 

“Cool,” Ronan said, “do you know Gansey too, then?” 

 

“Um,” Adam shifted Ethan a little again because now his knee was just pressing into his thigh bone which also hurt, “only vaguely. We don’t really run in the same circles, I guess.” 

 

“I think you’d be surprised at the circles Gans runs in,” Ronan said obliquely, “look, I have to run. Are you two heading home now, too?” 

 

“Uh,” Adam said, wished he wasn’t using so many goddamned one syllable words today, “we should be, yeah.” 

 

“I’ll give you a lift?” Ronan offered, standing up suddenly and with an ease Adam envied, “I have the booster seat again.” 

 

“I wouldn’t want to put you out,” Adam said, slowly so as not to betray the excitement he felt at the offer.” 

 

“You’re not out of the way,” Ronan said easily, shifted Darcy on to one hip, and then held a hand down for Adam, “you wouldn’t be putting me out.” 

 

Adam took the hand gratefully, allowed himself and Ethan together to be levered up out of the beanbag sinkhole of doom. Maybe if he was less stressed, or less busy, or not currently holding Ethan, or just generally better at being a human, maybe he would have held onto Ronan’s hand a moment longer. Not until it became awkward, just for long enough for Ronan to get the message that Adam found him attractive. 

 

However, he was holding Ethan, and Ronan was holding Darcy, and there was no way that someone as attractive (and obviously well off) as Ronan would be into someone as ground down and dirt poor as Adam, and - 

 

He let go of Ronan’s hand as soon as he was upright, shifted Ethan in his arms, and then put him down. 

 

“Go grab you bag, honey,” he said to Ethan, “we get to ride home with Darcy!” 

 

“Yay!”

 

Ethan bounded off towards the bag room, Adam and Ronan followed at a more sedate pace. 

 

“I was thinking,” Ronan said, “we should swap numbers. 

 

Adam had been attempting to discreetly rub at his aching wrist bones, but he stopped at Ronan’s words to consider if he maybe ought to held Ronan’s hand for longer seeing as Ronan wanted his number - 

 

“So that Darcy and Ethan can have play dates,” Ronan continued, “I mean, what a stroke of luck they were both here today, huh? Darcy has been chatting on and on about Ethan since we met you both the other week and I was about to go inside and start asking around if anyone knew you two.” 

 

“Oh,” Adam said, “yeah, that sounds good. Ethan really wanted to get to play with Darcy again too.” 

 

“Awesome,” Ronan said.

 

-

 

On the drive home Ronan had handed Adam his phone to put his number in, and Adam had obliged. His phone background picture had been of himself, Darcy, and a beautiful woman of indeterminable age. His wife? His sister? His mother? He locked the phone and put it into the cubby between their seats. 

 

“I texted myself,” Adam said, “so I have your number too.” 

 

“Ok,” Ronan said.

 

“I’m pretty busy during the week,” Adam said, itching to feel the quiet between them, “but I’m generally free on Sunday’s and most Saturdays.” 

 

“I’m sure we’ll work something out,” Ronan said, not sounding at all bothered, he glanced into the backseat, and then grinned at Adam. “Look at them.” 

 

Adam looked. Ethan and Darcy were both hanging out of their seats as far as their straps would allow, their heads pressed together in the middle, both fast asleep. 

 

“A hard day of playing,” Adam said with a grin, wished his phone had a fucking camera so he could memorize this cute image on something more reliable than his brain. 

 

Ronan glanced at him again, and then reached down and tossed his phone back into Adam’s lap. 

 

“Take a photo, would you?” he asked, “I’ll be murdered if I let such a sweet image go by.” 

 

Adam obligingly took the photo, hesitated, and then sent the photo to himself as well. 

 

“I sent it to myself,” Adam said, “but for myself, no one is going to murder me for lack of cute photos.” 

 

Ronan snorted, Adam took that as a sign that he could continue. 

 

“Who would murder you, then?” he asked, glancing again at the backseat as Ethan began to snore lightly, “Your wife?” 

 

Ronan snorted much louder. 

 

“God,” he said, “can you _ imagine _ .” 

 

Adam rolled his eyes, because he had indeed imagined. 

 

“I’m way too gay for a wife,” Ronan continued casually, as if he wasn’t answering all of Adam’s unasked questions about his sexuality and availability. “And no, I don’t have a husband either. It’s just me and Darce. The murder would mostly be my mum and my mates.” 

 

Adam grinned, “Fair enough,” he said, “I guess grandmothers do need as many cute photos of their grandkids as possible.” 

 

“They do,” Ronan agreed, “especially now I’ve moved so far away from her.” 

 

“Oh?” Adam asked, “Have you just recently moved to DC?” 

 

“Uh-huh,” Ronan said, his eyes fixed on the traffic behind them, “But I was spending about half my time here anyway, it just made sense to move, even if mum didn’t like it.” 

 

“Is your work here?” Adam pushed, “Or were you moving for somebody?” 

 

“Work,” Ronan shrugged, “my best friends are all here. My brothers are here. The only thing missing is my mum and our farm, but, it’s better for Darcy to be here with more of her family than back home in dismal Henrietta.” 

 

Fucking Henrietta. 

 

“Henrietta?” Adam asked, before he could stop his mouth, “Ethan and I are from there originally as well.” 

 

Ronan raised his eyebrows at him, then again, glanced into the backseat. “Seriously?” 

 

“Yeah,” Adam shuffled in his seat, wished he hadn’t said that because then that raised the opportunity for Ronan to ask more questions, like why had they left? And who had they left? And who had they run from and would run from again and again?” 

 

“Huh,” Ronan said, “cool.” 

 

Thank God. 

 

-

 

He’d had to carry Ethan back inside, half-asleep and floppy, as well as his and Ethan’s bags, and by the time he’d lain Ethan down on the lumpy couch and and put away the bags and shit inside the bags, he felt ready for a nap as well. A nap and as many painkillers as he could get away with. Maybe a bath. God. 

 

Instead, he covered Ethan with his blankie, made himself a cup of tea, and sat down with his homework. If Ethan was going to nap, Adam would take advantage of that. 

 

At quarter to five he packed his homework away again, changed for work, changed Ethan into his pj’s, and carried him upstairs to Rosie’s apartment before going to work. 

 

Work was boring. Tedious. Monotonous.  _ Dull _ . 

 

Painful. 

 

He wasn’t sure if the constant pain in his back was from years of hunching over small mechanics, lying on his back under cars, carrying Ethan around, or just from the years of kicks and punches thrown by his father. It didn’t really matter what caused it, because either way, the pain could go get fucked, in Adam’s opinion, because he still needed to roll himself under cars and hold himself in odd positions to examine engines, no matter how his muscles protested and his bones ached, and - 

 

Maybe he would take a longer shower tonight. Let the hot water run on his back until the pain eased a little.

 

-

 

Ronan texted him that night, just a short while before he got off work, though Adam didn’t get it until he was on his way home. 

 

‘is this ethan’s?’ the text read, accompanied by a picture of a stuffed elephant that did not belong to Ethan. 

 

‘No, sorry’, Adam replied, didn’t even have time to return his phone to his pocket before Ronan replied. 

 

‘must b opal’s,’ Ronan had texted, and then, very quickly following the first text; ‘darcy’s v happy we met u again 2day’. 

 

‘Ethan too’, Adam typed slowly, cursing the cold in his joints, ‘nice surprise’. 

 

‘i’m pleased 2’, Ronan texted back. ‘C u again soon Parrish’. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Feel free to come chat with me about fibro, chronic pain, trc, babies, etc on my tumblr -etoilearden.tumblr.com


	3. Chapter 3

Adam hadn’t been entirely sure what to expect from Ronan - or rather - when to expect Ronan to message again, to suggest a playdate. He knew he could be the one to text first, but - well. He knew it wasn’t the same as asking someone out on a  _ date _ , but he felt almost shy at the idea of texting to suggest a time for them to meet up, even though it was really a time for Ethan and Darcy to be meeting up. 

 

So he was, maybe, a little disappointed when Ronan didn’t text the next day. Or the next. Or even the day after.

 

Adam had assumed, obviously stupidly, that the text about the elephant had been a ruse - that Ronan had just wanted to text him, that Ronan found him as attractive as Adam found him, that Adam was someone… desirable. 

 

-

 

“Wanna see ‘Arcy,” Ethan informed Adam on Monday morning while Adam assisted him in tying his shoelaces.  “Told her I’d in-tu-ra-juice her t’Dime.”

 

“Hm,” Adam said, gritting his teeth while he double knotted the laces - his finger joints especially stiff with the morning cold - “maybe she’ll be at playgroup today? You could take Dime with you in case.” 

 

“Ok,” Ethan said agreeably, stuffed Dime up his shirt and ran to the kitchen to grab another handful of cereal before they left. 

 

-

 

Darcy was not at playgroup. Ethan was very grumpy about this. 

 

“An’,” he wailed, clutching furiously to Adam’s hand as they walked (or stomped) their way home that evening, “Ben stealed Dime, an’ t-uh-ried t’bury her in th’ sandy pit!” 

 

“Oh no,” Adam sighed, “that’s awful. Was Dime ok? She must be very brave.” 

 

Ethan nodded firmly. “She escape-ed,” he said, “an’ I was  _ real _ mad at Ben, bu’!” he paused here to clear his throat triumphantly, “I dind’nt hit ‘im.” 

 

“I’m real proud of you,” Adam said simply, squeezing Ethan’s hand in his carefully, “I’m proud of you for getting so good at keeping your temper. It’s hard when people are mean to you.” 

 

“Uh-huh,” Ethan agreed, “an’,” he added seriously, “don’t like th’ norty corner.” 

 

“Good point.” 

 

-

 

When Adam had left Henrietta with Ethan, only a couple of very long years ago, he had been worried that left alone with Ethan, being the sole provider, might mean he would slip into his father’s habits. Might hit Ethan. Might yell at Ethan. He never had, which wasn’t something he was proud of, because, well, it wasn’t something to be proud of, was it? Well done for not hitting a defenseless child. Well done for not being an abuser. 

 

But. 

 

He had forgotten that children, toddlers specifically, hit as well. A learned thing from home, or playgroup sometimes, or simply a way to express their frustration when words or thoughts didn’t work. 

 

It had been so stupid that Adam hadn’t been expecting it, stupider because when Ethan, barely four years old, hit him for the first time because he didn’t want to go to bed, he had been so shocked, and so… guilty. 

 

Stupid because he shouldn’t feel like he deserved to be hit by a toddler. He let it go, at first, because he didn’t want to have to deal with it. Didn’t want to have to think too deeply about how hurt he had felt. Had simply told Ethan not to hit, and put him to bed anyway. 

 

Then a few weeks after, Chhaya had taken him aside when he went to go pick Ethan up, and told him that Ethan had hit a few of the other children, and Adam, of all stupid things he could have done, cried. 

 

Chhaya had handled it remarkably well, considering they weren’t even friends at that point, had lead him away to the kitchen and sat him down and made him a tea, and had told him in no uncertain terms that this didn’t make Ethan a bad child, and neither did it make Adam a bad caregiver. It was just an issue that needed to be handled, and they were telling Adam so Adam could handle it, not to make him feel bad, or to parent-shame, or anything else like that. 

 

Adam had felt like an idiot for his breakdown over the issue, but Chhaya had never made him feel that way, and so he took off his pride and asked for her advice, and he talked with Ethan, and they talked more about how to use words, and how hitting made people feel, and they set up a star chart, and it was fine. 

 

It had been a learning curve for the both of them; Ethan learning how to manage his emotions more, learning to be conscious of other people’s emotions, and Adam learning and re-learning that he couldn’t take Ethan’s every bad move and movement personally, learning that it didn’t matter what your nature was so long as you had the nurture to change it. 

 

Not that he thought Ethan’s nature was bad, even though he had been birthed by the same parents as Adam, it was more that he worried. 

 

Anyway. 

 

Ethan hadn’t hit anyone since, and Adam hadn’t cried on Chhaya - or anyone - since, and Ethan would tell him every time he kept his temper, and Adam would be proud of him for it because Ethan had learned so quickly something their father had never learned. 

 

-

 

Work that night felt unbearably long. If Ethan had been upset that Darcy hadn’t been there, Adam had been just as upset that Ronan hadn’t been there -though he had been much less vocal about it. Plus. Plus it was cold, and his hips felt like they were made of stone and sand paper, and his fingers definitely didn’t want to be doing fiddly work, and also? When it was cold, and he was in pain, his deaf ear would always join in on the party, and ache, and ache until the pain spread into a full headache. 

 

And  _ god _ . 

 

He just wanted to go home. 

 

He blamed the pain, and the cold, and the stiffness on his oversight when a car was driven into the garage with a broken front light, and he didn’t recognise it immediately. In fact, he didn’t recognise it until after he had replaced the light, checked it worked fine, did a cursory once over of the other lights, and the blinkers, and the front bumper, wrote up the report, and walked into the office to process it and saw Ronan Lynch at the front desk with Darcy on his hip and his phone to his ear. 

 

“Well I know,” Ronan was saying into the phone, “but you’d be just a shitty if I’d turned up with it broken, so just button it, ok?” 

 

How the hell had Adam not noticed it was Ronan’s car was beyond him. 

 

“Yeah,” Ronan continued, and then, he glanced up at Adam, and suddenly his tone changed. “Dec,” he said, “Dec I gotta go. No. Yeah. Bye. Parrish!” 

 

“Lynch,” Adam said, moving slowly from the door to the counter, and then around it so he was closer to Ronan, “I just fixed your car up.” 

 

“I didn’t know you worked here,” Ronan said, quick, “I wasn’t stalking you, I swear.” 

 

“I know,” Adam said, vaguely amused, “I would have noticed you more if you were stalking me, I think. “ 

 

“Probably,” Ronan agreed, jostled Darcy on his hip. “Look, baby, it’s Adam!” 

 

“‘Lo,” Darcy said quietly, sounding very sleepy, “Eath?” 

 

“He’s at home in bed,” Adam told her, “but he says hello.” 

 

“‘Lo,” Darcy repeated, closed her eyes, rested her head on Ronan’s shoulder. 

 

“I was going to text over the weekend,” Ronan said, still speaking quickly, “but some things came up. Darcy got a cold. She’s better now! So we could have that date. Playdate.” 

 

“Yeah,” Adam said slowly, “yeah. Ethan would like that. Um. I’m not free a lot this week, though. I think I could do tomorrow afternoon, or like… Sunday.” 

 

“Let’s do tomorrow,” Ronan said, “I have family things on Sunday.” 

 

“Yeah, ok,” Adam nodded, fiddled with the zip of his coverall - suddenly self-conscious of how shabby he looked in contrast with Ronan in his leather jacket and dark jeans, and small child in a very puffy jacket -. “I’m free at four. I could meet you at the university, and we could go to the park there? Or -” 

 

“That works,” Ronan said, “Darce likes the swings there. Ok. Cool. Tomorrow at four, I’ll meet you by the front gate? Cool. Ok. Bye!” 

 

Adam watched Ronan step quickly away, and then regained control of his mouth just as Ronan reached for the door handle. 

 

“Uh,” He called, “Lynch. Your bill? And your car?” 

 

-

 

Ethan was very excited about he upcoming playdate. In fact, it was all he talked about the entire morning. 

 

“I needa bo-oh!” He called from the bathroom where he had been stinking the entire flat up for a good five minutes now. “Fa me  _ and _ Dime!” 

 

“A bow?” Adam called back, “What for?” 

 

“Wanna be pretty!” Ethan called back, and then, “Oh! No toilets papers!” 

 

-

 

Adam had been intending on playing it cool, a little care-free, a fun loving kind of guy, for the playdate. He knew he had come off as exhausted and beaten down, and altogether shabby in their last few meetups, and he wanted - desperately - to change Ronan’s view of him. 

 

His body had other ideas, though, and by the time Adam had gone to pick Ethan up for them to go meet Ronan and Darcy, his hips felt rusted in place. Apparently working through the pain last night, particularly in the chill of the garage - had not been the best thing for his joints. He’d been favouring his hips all day, which meant that his back ached as well from carrying his weight differently, and his knees ached, and his shoulders ached, and his head ached. 

 

He wanted to go to bed. 

 

He didn’t want to go to the park and sit on a chilly park bench while Ethan and Darcy played in their comfy and warm jackets. He wanted to go home, and play a video for Ethan on his phone, and curl the two of them up in his bed and sleep until his body felt less like it was made up of shards of glass. 

 

-

 

They met up with Ronan and Darcy, Darcy and Ethan screamed a lot at each other in glee, Ronan suggested they drive to the park, Adam accepted because the less his knees had to do the better. 

 

In the car it was warm, and the seat was soft, and Ronan was busy having a conversation with Ethan and Darcy about their day and about Dime, and on and on, and there was quiet music playing in the background - something with strings - and it probably took less than a minute for him to fall asleep. 

 

-

 

He woke - some time later - to Ronan’s hand soft on his shoulder, and the smell of hot coffee and pastries. 

 

He blinked his way painfully open, and found himself still in the car, curled in against the seat. His seat belt was off, and a blanket had been spread over him. Ethan was no longer in the backseat. That truly woke him. 

 

“Oh God,” he slurred, sitting properly upright, the blanket falling from his shoulders into his lap, Ronan’s hand falling away, “Ethan - where’s - where’s Ethan?” 

 

“Chill,” Ronan said lowly, nodded his head sideways, and Adam squinted through his sleep blurry eyes. 

 

They were parked almost inside the park, all the car doors open, Ethan and Darcy playing only a few metres away together on some weird playground equipment the spun in a way that made Adam nauseous just watching. 

 

“Oh,” Adam mumbled, the adrenaline ebbing out of his body, letting the pain back in, “oh. I - how long was I out - ?” 

 

Ronan shrugged, glanced at his watch. “A good half hour,” he said, “at least. I wasn’t keeping time.” 

 

“God,” Adam groaned again, struggling to turn in his seat, “I’m so sorry.” 

 

“It’s fine,” Ronan said, a little tightly maybe, “Ethan and Darcy are fine. They’ve just been playing. Ethan said you needed more sleep and that we should leave you, so -” 

 

Adam wanted to hop out of the car and just go bury himself somewhere. 

 

“Anyway,” Ronan said, “there’s a coffee cart right in the playground, which is the fucking best, so I got us some coffee. Thought it might help.” 

 

“Oh,” Adam said, finally looking down at the source of the amazing smell, and seeing the takeaway cups in Ronan’s hands. “You shouldn’t have.” 

 

“Whatever,” Ronan said, foisting one of the cups on Adam, “I bought some pastries too, because I’m starving. Help yourself,” he added, dropping the paper bag of sugary treats onto the console between them. 

 

“Mm,” Adam said, took a sip of his coffee. “So,” he said, cleared his throat, “uh, how’s the car?” 

 

“Car’s fine,” Ronan grunted, shifting in his seat, and then settling with one leg out of the car, his body mostly turned towards their kids as he took a long drink from his own coffee. “You did a great job on it.” 

 

“It was an easy task,” Adam mumbled, shrugging off the praise uncomfortably. “Ethan’s been very excited about this playdate all day. I’m sad I missed so much of it.” 

 

“It was pretty fun,” Ronan said, sounding a little like he was teasing Adam. “Darcy got so jealous of Ethan and Dime’s hair bows that she insisted she needed one as well and I had to make a makeshift one out of a receipt and a hair tie.”

 

“Inventive,” Adam snorted, covered his mouth clumsily as he yawned. 

 

“So,” Ronan said, watching as Darcy and Ethan climbed onto the same swing, “why are you so tired, then? You just crashed.” 

 

“Uh,” Adam said, rubbed at his cheek where it itched from being pressed against the car seat. “I just - I guess I haven’t been sleeping well is all.” 

 

“I get that,” Ronan said easily, “I often have trouble sleeping as well.” 

 

“Bet you haven’t fallen asleep in a stranger’s car though,” Adam said, attempting a joke, and Ronan snorted. 

 

“I think you have to accept that I’m not a stranger now,” he contradicted, “ _ because _ of you falling asleep in my car at the very least.” 

 

“I suppose,” Adam conceded, then, “sorry again. That must have been… weird for you.” 

 

“I’ve had weirder,” Ronan said easily. He had been looking at Adam for the last few moments, a half smile on his face, but now he returned his attention to Darcy and Ethan. “Anyway, you didn’t even snore, so it was almost pleasant.” 

 

Ethan must have noticed that Adam was awake now, because he was suddenly barreling towards the car, Darcy on his heels, and clambering in through the open door, over Ronan’s legs, and onto Adam’s lap. 

 

Adam groaned at the sudden wriggly weight on top of him, but fastened his arms tightly around Ethan and pressed a kiss to one grubby cheek. 

 

“Adam, Adam, Adam,” Ethan was saying, very excitedly as he bounced on Adam’s poor knees, “Can I? Can I? Can I?” 

 

“Calm down, honey,” Adam snorted, brushed back one of Ethan’s unruly curls from his eyes, “Can you what?”    
  


“Go to ‘Arcy’s for dinner! Wi’ you an’ Rodan! ‘Arcy said they is are am havin’ yicken noodles soup!” 

 

“Oh,” Adam said. 

 

“An’!” Ethan continued on, voice growing louder, “I! Love! Yum! Yicken! Noodles! Soup!” 

 

“Uh,” Ronan cut in here, “I told Ethan that if you two would like, you’re very welcome to come back to mine and Darcy’s for dinner. We have more than enough, and would like the company.” 

 

“Oh,” Adam said again. 

 

Ronan continued on. “It wouldn’t be an inconvenience, and Darce really wants to show Ethan her dollhouse.” 

 

If they ate out tonight, then they could eat tomorrow’s dinner tomorrow, and then they wouldn’t need to go shopping for an extra day and that would give time for Adam’s paycheck to come in for  _ before _ shopping and - 

 

“Ok,” he said, “I mean, that sounds nice. Do you need me to contribute anything? If we drop by the supermarket on the way to yours -” 

 

“No,” Ronan said firmly, shook his head, “we’re good.” 

 

“Yay!” Ethan crowed, “Yicken!” 

 

“Yay!” Darcy responded from her position half on Ronan’s shoulders. 

 

-

 

The kids played a while longer. Adam and Ronan shifted from the car and sat on one of the park benches and drank their coffee, and Ronan told Adam about where he worked when he wasn’t modeling. It turned out he owned a tattoo studio in town, and was one of the artists who worked there - and really he only modeled for Blue because she wanted a well tattooed model to draw, not because he needed the money. 

 

He really hadn’t need to add the bit about the money, that much was painfully obvious to Adam. He knew that in return he ought to have told Ronan about his jobs. Or about where he wanted to work in the future with the degree he was working towards, but. But he didn’t really want Ronan to know that about him. Not right now. He didn’t want to let Ronan know how many jobs he was working, and how far fetched his plans were, not right after he’d fallen asleep like a child in Ronan’s car. Not when he wanted to do his best to appear… put together at least if he couldn’t appear attractive. So. So he asked Ronan questions about the tattoo business, and asked about Ronan’s own tattoos, and complimented the art as best he could, and talked about how much Ethan liked drawing as well, and - 

 

Anything but his own motley self. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> god i love not editing


	4. Chapter 4

Adam didn’t know what he had been expecting Ronan’s house to be like. One one hand, he was obviously sickeningly rich, which led him to think of one of those imposing city houses with concrete fences and electronic gates, and a boring sleek concrete and metal design (obviously with a nice backyard for Darcy to play in). But, nothing about Ronan was boring (although he  _ was _ sleek, and Adam suspected his muscles were similar to concrete), and he was a tattoo artist for God’s sake, and so he thought about a ratty apartment over the studio, with peeling wallpaper. But then there was Darcy. Darcy who was always well (if a little eccentrically) dressed in comfortable and clean and very cute clothing, and who always looked well fed and happy. 

 

Ronan’s flat was maybe a ten minute drive from Adam’s, which was nice to know, on an unremarkable street, in a perfectly normal looking apartment building. Certainly it was on the more expensive side of things - the foyer was large and clean and had a doorman, the lift went smoothly and didn’t smell disgusting, and the floor they stepped out in had little pot plants by the lift doors.

 

Inside was not according to any of Adam’s imaginings. It was a little bit chaotic, sure, but not in a dirty way, just in a busy way. It was clean, and light, and the floors were wooden, and the walls were painted and filled with photos and paintings, and a million smiles in the photos. There were  _ plants _ , and comfy couches, and rugs, and it looked like the sort of place one might imagine an author, or a rich farmer, or a well known artist to live. 

 

“So,” Ronan said, as Darcy led Ethan in a rather skedadlley fashion to her bedroom to show him her dollhouse. “Uh, welcome to my home, I guess.” 

 

“Um,” Adam said, feeling very small, and grubby, and out of place in this warm and homely place, “I thought you had just moved to the city? This looks like you’ve lived here forever.” 

 

Ronan snorted, kicked at the pile of discarded shoes and duplo blocks nearby. “So we don’t tidy up as often as we should,” he said with a grin, “so sue me. It wasn’t as if I knew we were having company.” 

 

“Didn’t you?” Adam asked before he could stop himself - because this had to have been planned, surely, the inviting them over for dinner. He shook his head, and tried again. “I mean,” he said, hoping to skate over his other question. “You look well settled. I was expecting… boxes. This place looks amazing.” 

 

Ronan snorted again, but this time he sounded a little self-conscious. He stepped further in, shrugging off his leather jacket as he did. “I’ve had this place for a while. Like I said, we were spending half our life here anyway before we moved - so - the just moved here bit is only officially speaking. Come to the kitchen with me. Want a drink?” 

 

“We just had coffee,” Adam said, following Ronan after a moments hesitation as he wondered if he ought to take his shoes off (Ronan hadn’t, so he decided not to). “But I’d kill for water.” 

 

“Ok,” Ronan said, “fight to the death, winner gets water.” 

 

Adam laughed without meaning to, shook his head, and sat on the stool Ronan waved at. 

 

“Can I do anything?” he asked, once Ronan had passed him a glass of water and turned back around to the fridge. 

 

“Nah,” Ronan said, head in the fridge, “I’m hosting. You can sit there and make the kitchen look nicer.” 

 

Adam was pretty sure that this was flirting. 

 

“I can do that,” he said. 

 

-

 

After dinner (and after Adam and Ethan had been introduced to Ronan’s  _ raven ‘Chainsaw’ _ , of all ridiculous things), and after he’d been given a tour of the house (So nice. Too nice. Adam was jealous to the core), and after Ethan and Darcy had scurried back off to Darcy’s room (a luxury Ethan could not comprehend (Adam was also having trouble with the concept)), Ronan and Adam stood in the kitchen doing the dishes together. 

 

Or, Adam rinsed dishes and handed them to Ronan who ‘stacked’ them haphazardly in the dishwasher like he had never seen one before in his life, though he protested this idea vehemently. 

 

Up until this point they had been having very easy conversations all evening, Adam had relented and told Ronan about exactly what he was studying, and where he hoped to go with it, and the schools he was looking into for Ethan, and then they had talked about how completely bonkers Blue and Gansey were as a couple and also as separate entities, and then, as Adam handed Ronan the ladle and Ronan tried to fit it in the cutlery rack with the spoons, Ronan asked a less easy question. 

 

“So,” he said, “Henrietta?” 

 

“Yeah,” Adam said. Though, he really said it more like  _ Yeah. _ Full stop. Don’t ask anymore. This is the end. 

 

“When did you leave?” Ronan asked, ignoring the full stop of Adam’s reply. 

 

“Um,” Adam turned away, ostensibly to dry his hands off on a nearby dish cloth before the wetness sunk too deep into his cracked hands and made them gross. “When Ethan was three. So, almost three years now.” 

 

“Wow,” Ronan said, slammed the dishwasher shut and pressed buttons seemingly at random. The dishwasher turned on with a huff. “You must have been… what, nineteen?” 

 

Adam scoffed a little, wondered how old Ronan was and if he had completely misread things. After all, Ronan  _ did _ have a child. A three year old child. 

 

“I’m just twenty now,” he admitted to the sink, “I was seventeen when we left.” 

 

“Oh,” Ronan said. 

 

“How old are you?” Adam asked, quickly so that he couldn’t feel any awkwardness about it. 

 

“Rude,” Ronan said, but he sounded amused. “Twenty one.” 

 

Possibly Adam’s relief showed on his face, because Ronan laughed a little. 

 

“Ok,” Adam said, refusing to acknowledge the fact that Ronan’s face was very much saying he knew Adam was asking his age for future flirting reference. 

 

“Three years ago,” Ronan said, slow. He turned around and leaned his ass against the dishwasher, folded his arms, looked into the middle distance. “Almost three years ago.” 

 

“I take it you were still in Henrietta, then?” Adam asked, leaning his hip against the counter and then instantly regretting it because it made his back ache abominably. 

 

“Yeah,” Ronan said absentmindedly, “I was just - well. You would have still been there when - I - did you ever hear about me?” 

 

“What?” Adam let a loose bubble of laughter out, mostly from disbelief, “Why would I have heard of you? Were you famous or something?” 

 

“Not  _ famous _ ,” Ronan mumbled, “and really it’s more - more about…” 

 

He trailed off, and Adam realised with sudden annoyance at himself that Ronan was now… upset? Or anxious about something. He wasn’t joking about anymore. 

 

“About what?” Adam pressed, soft, in the tone he usually reserved for Ethan after nightmares. 

 

Ronan cleared his throat. “Wondered if you might know the name Lynch,” he grunted, “from the newspapers. Front page of them.” 

 

Adam frowned, tried to cast his mind back. He hadn’t really paid much attention to newspapers  - save for the jobs advertisements and coupons - being really too busy trying to survive and keep Ethan alive. He was pretty sure he had never seen anything about Lynch…

 

“Oh God,” Adam blurted out, glanced up at Ronan. Ronan looked away, brow furrowed. “Your… father?” Adam tried. 

 

He only vaguely remembered the headline. Something about murder. Niall Lynch. Found by his son. Ronan Lynch. It had stirred the town massively for months. His workmates had talked about it incessantly, and Adam had tried to ignore it, because he didn’t need anymore reason to hate the idea of staying in Henrietta. 

 

“Sorry,” Adam mumbled, “I just… yeah. I remember seeing it in the news. I - sorry.” 

 

Ronan shook his head violently, “It was nearly half a decade ago now,” he said brusquely, cleared his throat, and spoke in much softer tones. “I didn’t mean to… I only brought it up because I thought maybe you knew and… I’m not sure.” 

 

“Ok,” Adam reached out, slowly so as not to spook Ronan, “do you want to change the topic?” 

 

“Yep,” Ronan said. 

 

“Ok,” Adam said again, “do you have any of the drawings done of you from your life modeling?” 

 

Ronan all but leered at him, and Adam attempted to fight down the blush rising on his cheeks. 

 

“Not because-- ” he blustered, “I’d prefer a more… safe for work one, I just was interested.” 

 

“Interested in my bits,” Ronan grinned, jiggling his eyebrows up and down at him until Adam snorted and rolled his eyes. “None of the ones I have are safe for work,” he said then, “but I’m happy to show them to you.” 

 

“Oh,” Adam said, attempting to tease (or flirt?) back, “now who’s interested in showing me their bits?” 

 

Ronan narrowed his eyes, biting down on a smirk, then nodded his head towards the door. “C’mon then,” he said, “they’re in my room.” 

 

Adam refused to make the obvious innuendo here, and just followed Ronan. 

  
  


-

  
  


Ronan dropped them off home later that night, and Ethan chattered away to Adam, all through getting ready for bed about Darcy, and Chainsaw, and the dollhouse, and anything and everything to do with their night until he fell asleep halfway through a sentence, and Adam lay there listening to his own brain yammer on about Ronan, and Ronan’s smile, and Ronan’s arms, and Ronan’s sarcasm, and on and on until he too fell asleep in the middle of a thought. 

 

-

 

They met up again, the four of them, just the following week (though they’d messaged each other a little, about nothing really though it had always seemed important), had a lunch date at the playground. Adam offered to look after Darcy the following Sunday afternoon because Ronan apparently had a long tattooing session and his usual baby sitters were occupied, and so Ethan got a chance to return the favour of showing Darcy around his toys. 

 

Ethan didn’t seem at all abashed about the fact that his toys consisted of a dime teddy, an old transformer, cheap duplo, and a fridge box transformed into a playhouse/fort and stuffed full of blankets and books. Adam was abashed for him, which he knew was stupid, and a little bit unhealthy because he didn’t want Ethan to be ashamed of his life even if Adam was ashamed of his. 

 

Darcy didn’t seem to care either, and the two of them spent hours playing make believe in the box, and ‘reading’ the books to each other, and making up songs about Dime and Chainsaw and the fox dragon that apparently lived under the fridge. 

 

While they played, Adam cleaned. 

 

It wasn’t as if their house was ever  _ dirty _ , it was more that it was scruffy. Buying cheap things meant they wore out quicker, and looked old and shabby sooner, and Adam had only ever bought cheap things in his life. So. He swept and mopped, and cleaned the kitchen and the bathroom, and tried to fluff the very thin couch cushions and closed the door to the tiny bedroom, and regretted everything he was doing because it wasn’t even helping make he place look nicer, and the only effect it really made was highlighting how little they had and also making his every single joint painful on what as supposed to be his body’s rest day. 

 

Ronan had handed Darcy over while also doing Adam a favour - he knew, because Adam had told him, that Adam did the groceries on Sunday morning - and he had picked Adam and Ethan up from the supermarket and dropped the off home with the bags and Darcy, and driven off to his work. Which meant he hadn’t come upstairs to see the flat, and when he came to pick Darcy up at five that evening, he would get to play pin the poor man on the flat. 

 

Adam had considered - while at the supermarket - the idea of inviting Ronan to stay for dinner after he finished work, because it only seemed fair. Ronan had invited him or dinner, he should return the favour. However. Adam’s wallet was already stretched thin for shopping funds this week because he had need to buy both panadol and plaster  _ and _ soap, and he really didn’t have the cash he’d need to buy enough food to stretch both to end the of the week and feed two extra people even for one meal. In fact, horribly, it turned out that he didn’t  _ really _ have the funds to let himself eat dinner tonight. Ethan would be satisfied with a sandwich, but Adam couldn’t waste the bread for himself as well. God, he hated this. 

 

Once the house was clean enough that even his mother might have considered telling him it was a job well done, the kids were done with their gallivanting (this particular gallivanting involved having pillowcases over their heads and spinning around in circles), and required some comfort (partially due to the having pillowcases over their head, spinning, losing balance, and falling over and bonking their heads), which Adam provided by making them up cups of vaguely watery raro juice and sitting them on either side of him on the couch to read them a handful of the books they pulled out of the box. 

 

They were half way through the fourth once, Adam’s throat beginning to feel quite dry, when a knock on the door interrupted them. 

 

Ethan rocketed off of the couch to go answer it, which he actually couldn’t, because the lock as up a little stupidly high, and he couldn’t reach it without a chair. 

 

Adam followed a little more slowly, hips protesting (possibly because Darcy was sitting on one of them), and opened the door to Ronan, leaning against the wall, grinning, holding a large pizza box. 

 

“Wh-” Adam began. 

 

“Daaaaad!” Darcy called into Adam’s ear, not his deaf one. 

 

“Daaaarcy!” Ronan called back, stepped forward enough that he and Adam were almost chest to chest, and took Darcy from him, somehow swapping her for the pizza. “Payment for baby sitting,” Ronan added, nodding at the pizza, then kissed Darcy’s forehead, her cheek, her chubby hands, not at all paying attention to Adam’s face. 

 

Adam’s face was doing its best not to crumple up into a mess. He wasn’t sure if the crumpling and mess it wanted to do was because of the relief of getting to eat a meal today, or if it was at the uncomfortableness of what was obviously a gift - because Adam’s payment for looking after Darcy had been Ronan picking him up from shopping, had been Ronan smiling at him. 

 

“Pizza!” Ethan crowed from by Adam’s knees, and Adam managed to keep his face smooth and clear as Ronan finished smothering his daughter with affection and looked first to grin at Ethan and give him a hello, and then back up to Adam. 

 

“If you’ll have me,” Ronan said, “could we stay for dinner?” 

 

“Of course,” Adam mumbeld, “obviously,” he added, stepping back to let Ronan into the flat, “come in.” 

 

Ronan came in, Darcy attempting to climb from his arms onto his head, Ethan attempting to climb up his legs because he didn’t like being left out. 

 

Once the door was shut, Ronan hoisted Ethan up onto his waist as well, and then he was simply a jungle gym, a child almost perched on his head, another hanging off of his shoulders. 

 

Adam felt maybe a little sting of jealousy. Jealous that he had the strength to be able to do that with not even a wince, he didn’t look like he even noticed it, except for the finger in the eye. In fact, he unlaced his boots and took them off without even needing to put the kids down. 

 

Adam put the pizza on the table and tried not to think about what else Ronan could probably lift with ease. 

 

“Was she ok?” Ronan asked, putting the kids down because apparently they had a vital need to run around the room now. “Any trouble?” 

 

“Nah,” Adam shook his head, snorted a little. “She was great. You’ve got one polite kid, there.” 

 

“No idea where she gets it from,” Ronan replied, his grin wide as he stepped over to join Adam by the table. “How’re you doing?” 

 

“Um?” Adam replied, shook his head, stepped away to go grab plates from the cupboard. “I’m fine. How was your session?” 

 

“She sat great,” Ronan said, “we got the whole thing done.”   
  


“Nice,” Adam put the plates on the table, “congrats.” 

 

“So,” Ronan sat down on one of the rickety chairs by the table, “it’s just you and Ethan here?” 

 

Now Adam laughed, “Yes,” he said, “if we tried to fit another person in we’d probably break the flat.” 

 

Ronan shrugged, “Do I get a tour?” he asked, which was something Adam had been hoping he wouldn’t ask. 

 

“Sure,” he tried to inject some humour into his voice. “You’re currently standing in the dining room, and if you’ll look a little to your left you’ll see me standing in the kitchen, to the right, the kids in the lounge.” Clearing his throat, he pointed to the the two doors. “Door on the left there is the bathroom, the right is the bedroom.” 

 

“Nice,” Ronan said. 

 

“Should we eat?” Adam asked. 

 


	5. Chapter 5

The few times (very few times) that Adam had allowed himself to consider getting into a romantic relationship - consider asking someone to look at him and him and Ethan and love the both of them - he hadn’t thought about it like this.    
  
He had thought, maybe, that it’d be someone from university. Someone from work. Someone from his future when he was settled and not aching with hunger, and not living in a one bedroom crap flat. He had thought it would be something of an academic relationship to begin with. 

 

_ Or _ he had thought it would be the entire opposite. Something not for him, not really. Something for an escape. Not involving Ethan. Something entirely physical and outside of the rest of his life. A hook up in a dark room. No emotions. 

 

This wasn’t either of these. 

 

He wasn’t entirely sure  _ what _ it actually was. 

 

They were dating… right? It had moved from their meets up revolving solely around Ethan and Darcy to routine of visits and what had to be dates. 

 

They had dinner together twice a week, at the least. Either Ronan would take them back to his on days when Ethan was at play school the same day as Darcy (and then he’d keep Ethan with him while Adam went to work), or he’d come over on Sundays and they’d have pizza that Ronan always seemed to slip in and pay for before Adam could notice, or Adam would just ‘be in the area’ and pick Adam and Ethan up from university after a shift at the tattoo shop, and he’d have just ‘ordered too much takeout’, and they’d eat in a park, or at Ronan’s flat, or at Adam’s, and - 

 

It had to be dating, right?

 

The thing was. They hadn’t said anything about that. They hadn’t touched about it either. Adam had been watching Ronan watch him for the last few months, and he had been  _ waiting _ these past few months for Ronan to just say something. To just ask. To just lean forward and kiss him. 

 

There had been plenty of opportunities. Moments when they’d finished eating and the kids were in a different room, or when Ronan had driven them back to Adam’s and the kids were asleep in the back seat, and Ronan would  _ look _ at him, and Adam would shift forwards a little, and Ronan would close his eyes, exhale, and say goodbye. 

 

So. 

 

If most of their interactions felt like dating - the way Ronan leaned in against him when they were on the sofa together, the way Ronan watched him so carefully, the way Ronan smiled at him, and touched him more than any friendship could account for --- 

 

If all of that, then surely ---? 

 

But. All of that plus the way Ronan never leaned all the way in, the way Ronan never brought it up, the way Ronan never asked. 

 

He wasn’t sure what that ended up equalling. 

 

-

 

“I wouldn’t normally ask,” Adam said into his phone - squished between his cheek and shoulder - as he elbowed the door open, his hands full of bags and Ethan. “It’s just that Rosie doesn’t like looking after Ethan while he’s sick, because, well, she’s old, and I can’t take him to work with me, and -” 

 

“Parrish,” Ronan cut him off easily, “we’d love to have Ethan. Do you want me to come pick him up?” 

 

“You’re in the shop a little late today, right?” Adam mumbled, shifting Ethan around on his hip to try and find a comfortable position because Ethan did not want to be put down but Adam still had a shitty body and tasks to do before he left for work. “I can drop him off there. You’re on the way to work.” 

 

“Ha,” Ronan said, “you’re finally coming to my shop?” 

 

“Under duress, yes,” Adam said, grinning a little despite himself and also despite Ethan’s runny nose. “Will it be ok having him there?” 

 

“Yeah, yeah,” Adam could all but hear Ronan shaking his head, “of course. I’ll have just started closing up, so he’s not gonna be in the way, and Darcy will be there anyway. It’ll be fine, man.” 

 

Man. That didn’t sound like a dating thing. 

 

“Ok,” Adam sighed, scrubbed his hand first through his own hair, and then Ethan’s, “I’ll be there in about an hour, is that ok?” 

 

“Yeah,” Ronan said, “I’m looking forward to it.” 

 

That sounded like a dating thing, though. 

 

“Ok,” Adam said again, “see you soon.” 

 

-

 

Ronan called him back about ten minutes before Adam had to be out the door, and Adam considered purposefully missing the call, because if Ronan couldn’t look after Ethan after all Adam had no other real option here and if he pretended he just didn’t know that Ronan couldn’t then - 

 

He answered the phone. 

 

“Have you left yet?” Ronan asked, no hello. 

 

“Uh,” Adam said. He could say they had and then Ronan would take Ethan anyway. “No. Just getting ready now.” 

 

“Good,” Ronan said - bad - “because Darcy and I wanna know if Ethan could stay the night? I don’t have anything on tomorrow so it’s not like we’d need to do a quick swap over in the morning or anything. I could just return him to you when you’re finished tomorrow.” 

 

“He’s sick,” Adam said, because he had no idea what else to say. 

 

“Yeah,” Ronan agreed, “I can deal with a sick kid, Parrish. But yeah, actually, will he be ok without you?” 

 

“I’m not sure,” Adam mumbled. Ethan had never spent a night away from Adam. Ever. Especially not when sick. “I’ll ask him.” 

 

Ethan was snuggled up on the couch still, like a snotty little burrito, and wriggled impatiently for snuggles when Adam sat back down next to him. 

 

“Hey honey,” he said softly, holding the phone against his chest and resting his other hand against Ethan’s forehead. “Would you like to have a sleepover with Darcy tonight?” 

 

“Mm,” Ethan mumbled, “pick’m’up.” 

 

Adam struggled a little, one handed, to hoist Ethan into his lap, kissed his mussed curls. “Would you like that?” he asked again, soft, “Staying at Ronan’s with Darcy? It’ll be nice and warm.” 

 

It would be better for a sick Ethan to be at Ronan’s for the night quite honestly, better for him than staying with Adam, definitely. Ronan’s was warm, and dry, and had central heating, and plenty of food and cold medicines he was sure. 

 

“W’ you?” Ethan mumbled, pressing his sticky face against Adam’s chest. 

 

“No, buddy,” Adam sighed, “but you could take Dime?” 

 

“Want you,” Ethan gulped, the starting echoes of crying rattling in his throat. 

 

Adam cut this short. 

 

“Ok,” he said, “how about this? You go with Ronan like we’ve planned, and then, when I’m finished work, I’ll call and see how you are, and if you want me, I’ll come get you?” 

 

Hopefully Ethan would be asleep by that point and spend the whole night somewhere good for sick children. 

 

“‘Kay,” Ethan said. 

 

“He’s in,” Adam said to Ronan, stroking his fingers through Ethan’s hair in an attempt to stop him looking so much like a rat’s nest. “But I’ll check in when I get back from work in case he wants to come home.” 

 

“Sure,” Ronan said easily, “see you guys soon.” 

 

-

 

Ronan wasn’t tattooing anyone when Adam came in, he was behind the counter tapping away at a computer, which was a lot more business-y than Adam had thought he would ever see Ronan. Darcy was on his lap drinking out of a juice box and covered in stickers. 

 

“Hey,” Ronan said, not looking up from the computer, “sorry, give me a second, I’m just replying to an idiot’s email.” 

 

Adam snorted, crossed out the ‘business’ part of how he currently saw Ronan, and crossed the room to the desk, looking around as he did. 

 

It was quite a nice studio really. Clean and spacious and well lit, with art all over the walls, and plants everywhere, and very comfortable looking couches. There were a few tattooing chairs tucked along the wall with open screens. There were a few more screens blocking off further parts of the room, a faint buzzing coming from behind them, and several doors leading off to what Adam supposed where more private rooms. 

 

“‘Lo,” Darcy said seriously. 

 

“Heya, Darce,” Adam said, smiling at her. 

 

Ethan lifted his head up off Adam’s shoulders to perform a vague wave in her direction. 

 

“Eath’s sick,” Darcy said, still very serious. 

 

“Yeah,” Adam agreed, “he’s pretty sad about it.” 

 

“Miz-are-able,” Ethan gumbled. 

 

Ronan finally looked up from the computer, apparently finished with his email for an idiot, and smiled at the two of them. 

 

“Hey,” he said again. “You both look a little miserable.” 

 

Adam shrugged a shoulder, hard to do when it ached with the weight of a small child and a sleep over bag. 

 

Ronan stood up, depositing Darcy in his seat, and walked around the counter. He leaned in close - stupidly close - to Adam, so he could make eye contact with Ethan. 

 

“Hey bud,” he said softly, “you’re feeling yuck, huh?” 

 

“Uh-huh,” Ethan sniffed. 

 

“Well,” Ronan said, “I’ve got some hot juice at home that should help.” 

 

“Mmm,” Ethan replied. 

 

Ronan straightened up a little, didn’t move back at all. 

 

“Thank you,” Adam said. 

 

Ronan reached out and brushed at Adam’s hair - probably brushing hair off of his face - and rolled his eyes. 

 

“Of course,” he said. 

 

“Call at anytime if you need to,” Adam added, trying not to get stuck on the fact that Ronan had touched his face and his hands had been so warm on his skin. “Or if he needs me. I’ll come whenever.” 

 

“Ok,” Ronan said, “I think we’ll be fine.” 

 

“Are you sure?” Adam pressed, “Now that you can see him? He’s pretty sniffly and grumpy -” 

 

“I’m sure,” Ronan said firmly, “Give him here, and go to work.” 

 

Adam complied. Kissed Ethan goodbye, handed over the bag, repeated that Ronan should call if necessary, and went to work where he worried constantly over Ethan. 

 

Also constantly thought about Ronan’s hand on his face. It was stupid. He kept his phone on him, so he’d know if Ronan called, and tried his best not to keep his hope on about the touch meaning anything. 

 

-

 

Ronan didn’t call, Adam’s heart was still overly hopeful, and his shoulders ached. 

 

He headed home about ten thirty. He’d call Ronan when he got to his flat, and if Ethan wanted to be picked up, he’d walk another three minutes to the bus stop and bus to Ronan’s, and if Ethan was asleep and well, he’d just go the fuck to bed. 

 

He got to his flat, stood under the alcove because it’s just started to spit and he really didn’t want to get wet, and fumbled his phone out. He hadn’t even got it unlocked when it happened. 

 

“Adam,” said a voice, an uncomfortably familiar voice. “You’re staying out pretty late for someone with a four year old at home.” 

 

Adam cleared his throat. Pocketed his phone again, turned to face his father. 

 

“He’s five,” he said blandly, “almost six. And he’s not alone.” 

 

His father laughed unkindly, spat at the concrete between them. “Got yourself a nice lady, huh?” he sneered, “some dumb bint stupid enough to look after your messes for you?” 

 

Adam declined to answer this. 

 

“Does she know he’s not yours?” His father continued, rough, “Not legally. Not technically. In no way at all.” 

 

“He’s my brother,” Adam gritted out, “and y’all didn’t stop me from taking him.” 

 

His father shrugged. 

 

Adam was tired. Too fucking tired for this. He would probably always be too tired for this. 

 

“I’m going,” Adam said. He turned towards to entrance to the flat, fumbling for his key card, but his father spoke first. 

 

“We need money,” he said. 

 

Adam ignored him. 

 

“And you’re going to give it to us,” Robert added. 

 

Adam’s fingers were so stiff, part cold, part pain, part fear. 

 

“I’m not,” he said firmly, “I’m not giving you anything.” 

 

He should probably have been expecting the blow. He had been scared of it since he’d realised it was his father there, had been scared of it in every sudden movement in the corner of his eyes his whole life. He wasn’t expecting it, and the surprise of it was almost worse than the blow. 

 

His father hit him across the back of the head, smashing his face against the wall of the building, and then moving forwards to trap Adam’s face against the wall and his own blood. 

 

“You are,” he said, “because if you don’t, we’re contacting the police and letting them know you kidnapped our child.”

 

“I didn’t,” Adam got out, “I told you I was takin’ him, it wasn’t kidnappin’.” 

 

“I think the law will see it a bit different, huh?” Robert sneered, released Adam. “You get two weeks,” he said. “If we don’t get a nice neat cheque in the mail before then, we’re goin’ to the police. Understand?” 

 

Adam understood. 

 

“How’d you find me?” he asked, not turning around, choosing to stare instead at the dirty concrete wall. 

 

“I’m your dad,” Robert said, “I’ll always find you.” 

 

“Why’re you here?” Adam asked now, aware he was pushing it. 

 

He got another quick shove for his question. 

 

“For business,” Robert grunted, “but I thought I’d take the chance to drop in on you. Wasn’t countin’ on you being out late, though, you little cunt.” 

 

Adam closed his eyes. 

 

“You tell your little slut inside who that kid belongs to,” Robert continued, “and you send your momma and me money.” 

 

“Sir,” Adam mumbled. 

 

-

 

He had considered going inside. Going inside and showering and rewriting his budget and crying in peace and willing his face not to bruise up and - 

 

He had considered this, but had only considered it while his feet were already walking him off in the opposite direction his father had taken. He had considered it, but had only really seen the benefit of it when he was already on the bus. He had considered it, but by the time he was standing outside Ronan’s apartment building he was too tired to catch the bus back home, or walk, or anything. He was almost too tired to fumble his phone out of his pocket again to text Ronan. 

 

The door buzzed open in front of him in lieu of a reply text, and Adam staggered in, and then into the lift. When he got out at Ronan’s floor, his flat door was already open, and Ronan was standing in the entrance looking confused, and then angry when he saw Adam’s face. 

 

“What the hell?” He greeted Adam, stepping out and taking Adam’s face in his hands to look at the damage. “What the actual fuck, Parrish?” 

 

Despite the fact that Adam had been thinking about Ronan’s hands on his face all evening, this was not how he had wanted it to be repeated. 

 

He swallowed instead of answering. He didn’t know how to address Ronan’s anger at him for this. He had just wanted - he had just not wanted to go inside to his shoddy flat and feel unsafe, and not know how Ethan was, and - 

 

“Dude,” Ronan said, his voice shaking Adam back into reality, his hands still cupping Adam’s face. “Hey. Stay with me. Are you ok?” 

 

His voice was less angry now. Adam nodded. Ronan scoffed. 

 

“Shit,” Ronan said, “you’re not ok. Come inside. C’mon.” 

 

Adam let himself be led inside. Stood by the entrance as Ronan shut and bolted the door, as Ronan took his shoulder bag off on him and hung it on a hook. Let himself be led further inside, to the bathroom, sat down on the chair in there. 

 

“Did they take anything?” Ronan asked now, “What did they want?” 

 

That didn’t make sense. He just shook his head. 

 

Ronan swore quietly. Adam wanted to look and see what his expression was doing, but he’d apparently used all of himself to get here and now he was shutting down and couldn’t stop himself from staring at the floor at his feet. He felt like a teenager again. He felt like he had when he’d lie in his small bedroom with Ethan, desperately keeping him quiet while their father raged outside. He had no power here. 

 

Ronan was kneeling between his legs. 

 

“Adam,” he said, soft and careful, “hey, c’mon, look at me.” 

 

Adam, with difficulty, pulled his gaze from the floor, to Ronan’s knees, to Ronan’s chest, to Ronan’s left ear.” 

 

“Close enough,” Ronan sighed. 

 

“Is Ethan ok?” Adam asked, or, rasped. His throat was also apparently closing down. 

 

“Ethan is fine,” Ronan said, “he’s fast asleep. No fever. He’s fine, Adam.” 

 

Adam nodded, dropped his gaze back to Ronan’s chest. This wasn’t like last time, he had to remember that. Ethan wasn’t even there, so, he was fine. Everything was fine. He was fine, he wasn’t even badly hurt so why was he so off balance? Why did he feel like he couldn’t see straight, why was his heart trying to escape his chest? 

 

Ronan had been speaking. Adam tuned back in. 

 

“Did you see who did this to you?” Ronan asked. 

 

Adam nodded. 

 

“What did they want?” 

 

Adam shook his head. Ronan cursed again. 

 

“Ok,” he said, “let’s get you cleaned up, ok? I wanna see how bad that graze on your forehead is. Is that ok?” 

 

Adam nodded. 

 

“Are there anymore injuries?” Ronan asked, standing up - knees not even creaking. 

 

“No new ones,” Adam mumbled.

 

-

 

Ronan had not fucking clue how he was supposed to take this. How he was supposed to be reacting to the guy he was dating turning up at nearly eleven bloody and insensible, and possibly concussed? 

 

However, he had a lot of practice with cleaning up bloody faces, so he did that, talking quietly to Adam the whole time to try and gauge if he was in fact concussed, or just out of it, or what. 

 

By the time he’d gotten Adam cleaned up and plastered (Blue’s Clues plasters), and into the lounge, and drinking water, he’d decided that Adam wasn’t concussed, though the massive graze and blooming beginnings of a giant bruise on his forehead had seemed like a certain sign of concussion. Adam wasn’t concussed, just… just very upset. In shock, maybe. 

 

If Ronan were Gansey, he might have called the police by now, called in a mugging of some kind. But Ronan wasn’t Gansey, and he didn’t trust the police, and he didn’t think Adam would want him to call the police. After all, Adam had come to him, not the police, not anyone else. Adam had come to him. 

 

After a few mouthfuls of water, Adam began to look a little bit more sensible, and his eyes finally drifted up to meet Ronan’s. 

 

“Hey,” Ronan tried, keeping his voice as soft as possible, “you with me?” 

 

“Of course,” Adam mumbled, then shook his head. “I’m ok,” he said, which was obviously a massive lie. “I’m sorry for - I - I didn’t mean to worry you.” 

 

“No idea what the fuck else you could have meant to do turning up looking like a car crash,” Ronan replied, a little more caustically than intended because Adam looked overly chastened, and Ronan hurried to soften the blow. “I’m glad you came here,” he said. “Can you tell me now what happened?” 

 

Adam shrugged. He looked, if anything, more upset than he had before. 

 

“It’s ok,” Ronan tried, “I won’t judge.” 

 

“I don’t think you’ll be able to help it,” Adam mumbled. 

 

“Ok,” Ronan said, “it’s true. I’m a naturally judgy guy, Parrish, but, whatever it is isn’t going to stop me liking you a fuck load so.” 

 

“I can’t report it to the police,” Adam mumbled. 

 

“Ok,” Ronan said. 

 

“It was my father,” Adam said, which was so out of the ballpark, the words went over Ronan’s heads for a few seconds. 

 

“Oh,” he said, “what the fuck?” 


	6. Chapter 6

It  had been very odd seeing Adam like this. Usually Adam carried himself upright in such a way that spoke volumes; I don’t care what you think, I’m getting what I want, I don’t need anyone’s help. 

 

Even if Ronan could see through that - surely anyone with time and eyes could see that (how could anyone see how skinny Adam was, how heavy his eye bags were, how tired he always looked and not see that he desperately needed a break)- but Adam had never really purposefully shown him. Not even when he had fallen asleep in Ronan’s car. Adam had been a little confused, and upset at himself then, but he’d never put down his firm stance of ‘I’m fine’. 

 

Now, seeing him like this - it felt like there was none of that Adam. Sitting on his couch was an Adam who was trying to make himself so very small, an Adam who looked like he believed he began and ended where the bruise on his face did. 

 

Ronan had gotten part of the story out of him. As much as it seemed that Adam was able to say at this time. He knew now what he had guessed a little of. That Adam had taken Ethan and run from an abusive family. That he was constantly afraid of that family returning in his life. That he kept this piece of himself locked away for fear of rebuke, or pity, or scorn. 

 

“Listen,” Ronan said, his voice low but even, not wanting to disrupt the fragile balance of Adam’s emotions right now. Now now that Adam was finally looking him in the face, not when he seemed to be feeling a little more comfortable in his own body. “Your father has no case. They didn’t stop you from taking Ethan back then, and even now they’re not actually asking for him back. Any lawyer worth their salt will be able to win this for you easily, especially with your face looking like that.” 

 

“I can’t afford any lawyer,” Adam mumbled - which was an admission Ronan had certainly put together, but Adam had never offered before - “nevermind one worth their salt.” 

 

“My friend Gansey,” Ronan replied, reaching out slowly to cup Adam’s cheek to forestall Adam from looking back down at his lap and never looking up ever again. “He’s very well connected. The both of us know a lot of great lawyers, and he will be able to get one to take this case pro bono.”

 

“I can’t ask-” Adam began, turning his face in Ronan’s hand so his cheeks smushed a little and he could hide one of his eyes. Ronan interrupted. 

 

“You’re not asking,” he said firmly, “and this isn’t a… a  _ gift _ or a favour, or something out of pity, Parrish. I’m saying we can get this done because I’m a good upstanding citizen and I don’t like to see people fucking other people over.” 

 

Adam snorted, a little, a weak snort. Ronan had hoped he would find the idea of him a good upstanding citizen amusing, and was pleased he had. 

 

“I can’t think about it right now,” Adam admitted, his eyes were closed - a clever cop out of having to look at Ronan’s face, of admitting he was upset. “I need - I need to sleep. I should go -” 

 

“Fuck off, Parrish,” Ronan said, lifted his other hand to cup the other side of Adam’s face and rubbed his thumbs carefully under Adam’s eyes, smoothing over the dark circles, and rubbing away a few errant tears. 

 

Adam opened his eyes, surprise evident in them, cheeks pink. 

 

“You’re staying here,” Ronan continued softly, “I’m not sending you back out into the streets while ragabonds are waving their fists about.” 

 

“I can look after myself,” Adam tried. 

 

Ronan shook Adam’s head slowly side to side in his hands. 

 

“You can, but you won’t tonight,” he said, “what kind of shoddy date would I be if I didn’t insist you stay the night?” 

 

Adam, if anything, looked more surprised. 

 

“You can take my bed” Ronan said “I’ll sleep on the couch.” 

 

“You’re not sleeping on the couch,” Adam replied 

 

“Ok, you’ve twisted my arm,” Ronan grinned, “we’ll both sleep in my bed.” 

 

Adam didn’t protest that. Instead he looked around a little and said; “I should check in on Ethan.” 

 

-

 

While Adam tiptoed into the kids room to check on them, Ronan dug through his drawers to find some comfortable sweatpants and a shirt for Adam, and met him in the hallway. 

 

“Take a shower,” he said, handing the clothes to Adam. “You’ll feel a bit better after. There are towels in the cupboard by the sink.” 

 

Adam nodded, took the clothes, and went into the bathroom. 

 

So. This was it. This was Adam staying at his - not that it was for any romantic or sexual reason - but, this was certainly a step forwards in their relationship. Ronan had been very aware this whole time that Adam needed this to be slow. That Adam needed to feel safe with Ronan first, that Adam needed Ethan to feel safe with him. Ronan got that. He needed Darcy to feel safe with Adam as well. As for him feeling safe with Adam? Stupidly that had happened all too quickly. He had thought, for a long time, that he wasn’t really equipped for feeling more than a passing fancy for guys - in a romantic way at least - and so it had been a bit of a shock when he realised that he apparently was only vaguely interested in people or head over heels about them. Not entirely sensible but there you have it. 

 

-

 

Ronan was already in bed, flipping through a book when Adam came in hair a little damp still, clothes overly big. He pushed the covers back in invitation, and Adam came over and slid into the bed next to him without a word, silent as he pulled the sheet and duvet up over his shoulders, silent as he lay his head on the pillow, silent as he reached a hand out to touch Ronan’s hip. 

 

“Yeah?” Ronan asked, putting his book aside. 

 

“How long have we been dating now?” Adam asked, voice very quiet. He sounded a lot more like himself now, albeit, an even more tired version of himself. 

 

“Um,” Ronan said, slid down further under the blankets as well and pretended to consider. He didn’t need to consider. He knew. “Three and a half months.” 

 

Adam nodded, closed his eyes, didn't remove his hand from where it had landed on Ronan’s shoulder once he’d slid further down the bed. Eyes still closed he spoke again. 

 

“Why haven’t we kissed yet?” He asked. 

 

“Um,” Ronan said again, “I - I’m not entirely sure.” 

 

“You’re not the kind of guy who waits until marriage to kiss, right?” Adam asked, which was a relief because if he was telling jokes he must be feeling a lot better than he had been out in the lounge. 

 

“No,” Ronan said, far too quickly. 

 

“Would you kiss me, then?” Adam asked, and his eyes were still closed, and his voice was still quiet. 

 

“Adam,” Ronan said. 

 

Adam frowned, a small tight movement. 

 

“Adam,” Ronan said again, “will you look at me at least when you ask?” 

 

Adam opened his eyes, slid his hand from Ronan’s shoulder to his chest, to his neck, to his jaw. 

 

“Please,” he said, almost desperate, “please kiss me.” 

 

Adam’s lips were chapped against his, but he tasted like toothpaste, and he smelled like soap and car oil, and he kissed Ronan back only tentatively at first, like he wasn’t sure how. Ronan pulled back. 

 

“Ok?” he asked. 

 

Adam exhaled loudly, then shifted onto his side and reached for Ronan, pulling him back mouth to mouth and kissing him with none of the tentativity the first kiss had held. This kiss was sure, and solid, and hungry. 

 

After, when it seemed like Adam had exhausted himself, Adam didn’t withdraw back to his half of the bed, instead he pressed up against Ronan’s side as if he needed his heat to survive, and pressed his face in against Ronan’s neck, and held him, fingers pressing in under Ronan’s shirt against his hip. 

 

“Darcy might get in with us at some point in the night,” Ronan mumbled into Adam’s hair, and Adam snorted a little against his neck. 

 

“Ethan probably will as well, then,” he said, “he’s never slept alone before.”

 

All the things he was learning about the Parrish brothers tonight. 

 

“How’s your face?” Ronan asked. 

 

“Manageable,” Adam replied, then yawned, “I have to sleep.” 

 

“So sleep,” Ronan said. 

 

-

 

He had expected, that upon waking up, he might feel a little confused at Adam being in his bed. He wasn’t. Because how could he be? He’d wanted Adam closer for months, and now he  _ had _ him closer he wasn’t exactly about to forget that Adam was in bed with him. 

 

He woke up to Darcy pressing her cold toes in against his stomach, woke to Adam’s back pressed against his, woke to Adam speaking in a low hushed voice. 

 

“Yeah it’s still owwie,” Adam was saying, “but it’s not too bad.” 

 

“Did’ya put’em in timeout?” Ethan asked. 

 

“I’m not their adult so I didn’t,” Adam told him, “but don’t worry, he’ll be told off.” 

 

Ethan is silent for a moment then, except for a little bit of rustling which sounds like him cuddling up closer with Adam, and Ronan considers rolling over and saying good morning, and then Ethan speaks again, suddenly very upset. 

 

“S’like,” Ethan mumbled, “s’like when - wh-when I was littler an’ an’ an’  _ dad _ was -” 

 

“I know, honey,” Adam soothed, “I know.” 

 

“Adad,” Ethan said, voice all wavery, “I don’ - it’s scary.” 

 

“I know,” Adam said again, “but you don’t need t’be scared, honey. I’m goin’ t’look after you. You’re gonna be ok.” 

 

Ethan didn’t reply again, and this time it sounded like it was because he was sniffling a bit, and Ronan took this opportunity to roll over, cradling a snoring Darcy in against his stomach. 

 

Adam was already looking at him, one eye half shut due to the swelling of his face, the other wary. 

 

“Hi,” he said. 

 

He sounded… cautious. Like he wasn’t sure where he and Ronan stood, which was stupid because; a. They were lying down, and b. They had spent a long time last night kissing and touching and Ronan had thought that had made it pretty obvious that they were now not only dating but they were  _ dating _ . 

 

“Hey,” Ronan said, shuffling in a little bit closer, “g’morning.” 

 

Adam didn’t look convinced. In fact, he looked away from Ronan hiding his bruised face in the pillow and Ethan’s curls. 

 

“Adam,” Ronan breathed, freed one hand from his sheets. “Hey.” 

 

“Um,” Adam said, not lifting his head from Ethan’s hair. “I just want to say that - you’re under no obligation to - I know last night you said - but -” 

 

“God,” Ronan groaned, bit back his less child friendly exclamations. “I don’t say stuff I don’t mean, Parrish. I didn’t say stuff I didn’t mean last night. I certainly didn’t do stuff I didn’t mean last night. Did you?” 

 

Maybe it was unfair to be having this conversation while in bed together with two small children. Adam lifted his head from Ethan’s, dropped back against the pillow, looked at Ronan as if he were searching for answers, for the truth in Ronan’s eyes. 

 

“I meant it,” Adam whispered. “I meant every kiss.” 

 

“Well good,” Ronan nodded, “me and you both then.” 

 

“I just thought,” Adam continued, “that maybe now you’ve slept on the situation, you’d -” 

 

“No,” Ronan interrupted, “no I haven’t changed my mind. And if you haven’t either, I’d quite like a morning kiss.” 

 

“I haven’t,” Adam said, “but your breath stinks.” 

 

“Rude,” Ronan grumbled. 

 

Ethan popped his head up now, his face still a little tear streaked but remarkably sunny. 

 

“I’d like a kiss,” he said. 

 

Adam dropped a kiss on his forehead, and then Ethan leaned over and Ronan added one too. 

 

“Did’ya see Adad’s face,” Ethan said, very seriously, “a norty man did it.” 

 

“I know,” Ronan replied, eyebrows raised high to convey just how seriously he was taking this. “I’m very mad at the naughty man.” 

 

“Me too!” Ethan said, “I kisseded it betterer for him though, so it’s not so owwie.” 

 

“Good job,” Ronan said, “I’m sure that helped a lot.” 

 

“It did,” Adam said, kissed Ethan’s forehead again. 

 

“You should do it too,” Ethan declared, an’ ‘Arcy when she’s awake up.” 

 

“Oh I would,” Ronan said, nodded solemnly, “but your Adad has informed me that my breath stinks, so…” 

 

“Oh come on,” Adam snorted, “give me a get better kiss, then.” 

 

Ronan did so, pleased that Adam seemed a little happier. 

 

“M’need’m’food,” Darcy mumbled, squashed between Adam and Ronan. 

 

-


	7. Chapter 7

It was a little bit difficult to re-convince Adam to agree to getting Gansey involved, to getting help. Ronan knew this was a little his own fault - he ought to have introduced Adam to Gansey and Blue a lot earlier, but - 

 

But at first Blue and Gansey had been visiting Gansey’s parents, and then Blue’s parents with Opal now they had officially adopted her out of the fostering system, and then, well - then Ronan had just wanted to be spending time with Adam and Ethan alone. If he wanted Adam to trust him, he didn’t want to risk bringing in any other elements yet, and Gansey was always a toss up. Not that Gansey wasn’t great, Gansey was his best friend - had been his best friend for years and years. It was just that Gansey had the ability to come off as a smarmy prat sometimes, even when tempered by Blue. 

 

Still. He ought to have introduced them all earlier so that this part now would be easier. Plus, Ethan would probably have liked to have met Opal. 

 

It was also difficult to convince Adam again because last night he had obviously been in shock, and maybe in too much pain or… fear to think straight, but now he had spent the night and woken up with less pain and less fear and had gotten over his shock, his stubborn streak was back with a vengeance. 

 

“I can handle it,” Adam whispered under the sound of the coffee machine grinding behind them. “I’ll just… it’s just… I told you he just wants money. I’ll get the money.” 

 

Ronan had to wait here to follow up, because Adam pushed away from the counter to return to Ethan with the bowl of cornflakes he’d just poured for him, and also to rescue Darcy’s spoon from the floor. Once Adam had finished pretending to make a breakfast for Dime as well to satisfy Darcy and Ethan, he returned to Ronan’s side as Ronan began to pour the coffee. 

 

“If you give him the money,” Ronan said, voice low, “it won’t stop.” 

 

“I know that,” Adam said, “you really think I don’t know that? This is my life, Lynch.” 

 

“I know you know it,” Ronan replied, doing his best not to do his usual trick of getting snappy and rough when he got upset, “but I think you’re taking the easy way out.” 

 

Adam scoffed, not in a kind way, didn’t take the mug Ronan offered him. 

 

“You don’t know me at all, do you?” Adam said, voice cold, and honestly, that hurt. 

 

Ronan shoved aside his bad temper again, because even he could see that this wasn’t about him, that this was so much more, that if he let himself get in the way of this, he wouldn’t be able to get back in. 

 

“I don’t know you as well as I’d like,” Ronan agreed, quietly, glancing sideways to make sure the kids were still occupied, “sure. But I know you, Parrish. I know you do everything you do to try to make things better for Ethan, to get forwards in life. I know you’re not weak. I know you don’t have the money to keep paying your father off, and you’ll just weaken yourself and Ethan trying to keep up with his demands and end up in a worse off position.” 

 

Adam looked like he hated every single word out of Ronan’s mouth, but he didn’t speak. He shut his eyes, exhaled heavily, opened his eyes. Took the mug from the bench, took a slow sip. 

 

“I know,” he said. “But that doesn’t make it easier to admit.” 

 

“No,” Ronan said, “so don’t admit it, whatever, let me do this.” 

 

“That doesn’t make sense,” Adam sighed. 

 

“I’m going to call Gansey,” Ronan said, reached one hand out slowly so as to give Adam ample time to pull away if he wanted to - he didn’t - then brushed his fingers through the side of Adam’s bed hair and rested his hand on his head. “I’m going to call Gansey and tell him the situation and ask for his advice. I won’t use your name, I won’t bring him here if you don’t want him here. It’ll just be me and you.” 

 

Adam leaned in against his hand, let his eyes close again, his face tightening slightly as if he was suppressing some pain 

 

“Ok,” he said, “ok. I - thank you.” 

 

“I might get some really shitty advice,” Ronan said, wanted extremely badly to lean in and kiss Adam, “don’t thank me yet.” 

 

“Can’t be shittier than letting yourself be blackmailed,” Adam said wryly, lifting his hand to loop his fingers over Ronan’s wrist. 

 

If Ronan was perhaps a little soppier, or maybe if feelings were more physical, he would make a whole scrapbook about everytime Adam touched him because it just kept getting better. 

 

“Can we kiss in front of Ethan?” Ronan whispered, “Like, a real kiss. Not just a get better forehead kiss.” 

 

Adam glanced at the kids again, his gaze lingering on Ethan, and then he nodded.    
  


“Yeah,” he said, “we’re dating. It doesn’t need to be a secret. Will it be ok with Darcy?” 

 

“Yeah,” Ronan nodded again, leaned forwards, “we’re gonna deal with this, Parrish,” he said, kissed Adam lightly, “it’s gonna be ok.” 

 

Adam didn’t reply, just kissed him back, first light and then hard for a moment before pulling away as if he had just re-remembered that they weren’t alone. 

 

-

 

Ethan was doing a lot better today, he was barely snotty at all now, which was nice. Adam went to class, promising that he’d be fine, and Ronan set about first helping the kids set up a fort in Darcy’s bedroom and stringing her fairy lights through it, and then calling Gansey. 

 

-

 

“Ronan?” Gansey answered on the second ring, he sounded worried because he always sounded a little worried when Ronan called unprompted. “Are you alright?” 

 

“Yeah,” Ronan said, flopped down on his couch, rubbed his thumb down the outside seam of his jeans. “You busy?” 

 

“Not really,” Gansey said, “Blue’s at work and Opal’s at school. I’m just sorting through some research for my book. What’s going on?” 

 

“How’s Opal doing?” 

 

“Opal’s doing great,” Gansey said patiently, used to Ronan not getting to the point when he was nervous about shit, “I think she’s feeling a lot safer about being… about not being returned now we’ve introduced her to the extended family. She’s very excited about her school too, which is nice.” 

 

“I have two things to talk about,” Ronan said then. 

 

“Ok,” Gansey replied, his voice accompanied by a faint rustling noise. 

 

“I’m dating someone,” Ronan said quickly, “he’s really lovely. Studies Bio-med. I met him at the uni play-school while I was picking Darcy up. Well, no, I met him at the park but I met him  _ again _ at the uni - never mind. He’s -” 

 

“He has a kid?” Gansey interrupted. 

 

“Yes,” Ronan said, glancing in the direction of Darcy’s room where he could hear her and Ethan laughing. “Well, no. It’s his brother, but, he’s the - he’s basically his kid, yeah.”

 

“Huh,” Gansey said. 

 

“Anyway,” Ronan barged on, eager to get this done with. I’m pretty sure I kind of love him already, and I should have told you all about him earlier but I’m selfish about him or whatever.” 

 

“Well,” Gansey said after a few moments of digesting Ronan’s words. “I’m… pleased. When do we get to meet him?” 

 

“Possibly not for a while,” Ronan said, “he’s very…busy.” 

 

“Oh -” Gansey began. 

 

“And  _ also _ ,” Ronan pushed on, “listen. I have a uh… friend who’s in a bit of trouble and I need your advice.” 

 

“Oh...kay,” Gansey said. 

 

“So,” Ronan began, “this friend, uh, he ran away from home - from abusive parents - when he was about seventeen, and he, uh, he took his younger brother with him. His parents knew he was taking his brother, and it’s been three years since, and they’ve never like… contacted him since, or told him to bring his brother back, but the other day their father tracked him down, hit him, and demanded he send them money or they’ll get the police on him for kidnapping his younger brother.” 

 

“Oh,” Gansey said, “wow. This is your boyfriend?” 

 

-

 

If someone had told, say, fifteen year old Ronan that within a handful of years he would be taking two kids under six to the park for a picnic lunch with his boyfriend, he would have said, ‘fuck yeah I will be’ (If you had told sixteen year old, or seventeen, or even eighteen year old Ronan this the response would have been different, but that was another story). 

  
So. Really. It felt rather normal to him to be bundling Ethan and Darcy up (and digging out a small beanie for Dime and Chainsaw because they apparently  _ had _ to come as well), and squishing them in together into his super-duper stroller that Declan had bought him partially as a joke. It was just so,  _ so _ domestic, which he reveled in. Especially because he knew that people seeing this little scene - tall, rough-ish looking punk with a couple of excessively cute kids barrelling down the sidewalk in an effort to beat a raven in a foot vs. wing race - would find it surprising to say the least. 

  
So. He felt comfortable, and normal within this domesticity. It was similar to his childhood, similar to what he had based his life goals around, similar to what he had craved and yearned for in the years he didn’t want to think about. 

 

Adam on the other hand, obviously did not have the same feeling of normalcy around this, which Ronan already knew from the three months already of dating him, but it was quite obvious as he watched Adam approach their picnic rug. 

 

“Hey,” Ronan greeted him as he got near enough - Ethan and Darcy had both opted to run to him rather than wait for him to come to them, and were currently each on a hip. “Ok classes?” 

 

“Yeah,” Adam said, sounded somewhat dazed. He bent over, with obviou effort, and deposited Ethan beside Ronan before kneeling down slowly and sitting next to Ronan himself, Darcy still clinging onto him. “This looks very… nice.” 

 

“You can say it looks like a cliche, Parrish,” Ronan grinned, shoving Adam’s shoulder slightly, and then regretting it as he watched Adam hide a wince, “I know the rug is tartan, and the basket is wicker.” 

 

Adam smiled then, which was a relief, and rolled his eyes. “I think you get a kick out of over-turning people’s assumptions about you. I’ve seen at least six people sneak a second glance at you as they’ve walked past. You’re a walking contradiction.” 

 

“Sitting,” Ronan responded, then leaned in, paused for long enough for Adam to nod slightly, and kissed him hello. He wasn’t entirely sure what switch had suddenly flicked for Adam to green light them being physical - for them to kiss and sleep together and hug - but he certainly wasn’t complaining. 

 

They busied themselves then; Ronan pulling out the food and stopping Darcy from putting her feet in it and Chainsaw from trying to make off with a whole sandwich, and Adam listening to Ethan and Darcy tell him all about their morning and about their noon, and about what they had done just in the last five minutes as well. 

 

-

 

“I called Gansey,” Ronan said, once the food was eaten (scoffed, as if by a bunch of starving teenagers), and the scraps we disposed of, and the rug was cleaned up, and the kids were taking turns pushing each other with varying degrees of success on the swings. 

 

Adam affected nonchalance. 

 

“Yeah?” 

 

“Yeah,” Ronan repeated, shifted sideways a little so he could bump shoulders with Adam. “He gave me the names of some great lawyers who have both experience in situations similar to yours, and will also work pro bono.”

 

“I didn’t realise my case was so normal,” Adam said, his voice attempting humour, but ending up somewhere in the realms of mocking himself. 

 

“It isn’t,” Ronan said, “but there are a fuck ton of assholes out there, and these lawyers are ready for them.” 

 

Adam was silent for a while. Ronan’s eyes flicked between Adam’s hands picking furtively at a loose thread in the rug, and Adam’s neck, tan and freckled, his adam’s apple bobbing up and down as he swallowed hard as if in preparation for speech. 

 

“Thank you,” Adam said, his long worked up speech, “I appreciate it.” 

 

Ronan kissed him, in the hollow of his cheek, covered his hand on the rug with his own, waited for Adam to turn to face him. 

 

Adam turned to face him, a half smile on his face. 

 

“You really like me, huh?” 

 

Ronan snorted, squeezed Adam’s hand in his, considered being sarcastic and silly about it, and then decided that in all honesty? He and Adam both probably needed sincerity about this. 

 

“Yeah,” he said, “I really do.” 

 

Adam looked at him for a moment more, eyes scanning his face rapidly, and then he looked away to watch the kids again. 

 

“I’ve never done this before,” Adam said, then, which wasn’t entirely out of the blue, but Ronan hadn’t been expecting it right this minute. “And I don’t mean the … the being with a  _ guy _ thing. I’ve never dated anyone before. Not properly. I mean. I dated this girl in high school, for like… a week. But uh - yeah. You’re the first person I’ve ever like. Just - uh -” 

 

“Chill,” Ronan said - he could imagine Gansey telling him off for being indelicate - “Parrish,” he continued, “I don’t  _ care _ if I’m the first person, or the first guy. So like, don’t lose your nut about it.” 

 

Adam snorted, his eyes fluttered closed and then opened to glance sideways at Ronan. “Thanks,” he said dryly, “but that’s not what I was trying to say.” 

 

“Sure sounded like what you were trying to say,” Ronan replied. 

 

“I was trying to say,” Adam said firmly, “that I’ve not dated anyone else because my main focus has been Ethan, and I figured there was no point in being with anyone unless I liked them enough to - to - to care about them on the same - on a similar level.” 

 

“Romantic,” Ronan grinned. 

 

“I also have a confession,” Adam added, squeezed Ronan’s hand, “please don’t lose your nut about it.” 

 

“Don’t steal my terrible words,” Ronan said, but squeezed Adam’s hand back. “Ok?” 

 

“I didn’t realise,” Adam said, “you’re going to think I’m an idiot. But I didn’t realise that we were actually like, properly dating. Not until yesterday. When you said it. I was still working up the courage to actually ask you out. I had no idea we were already  _ out _ .” 

 

That took a while to sink in.    
  
When it did, he snorted, then laughed outright. Adam looked at him with a mix of despair and amusement, and that only served to make him laugh harder, he had to clutch at his stomach, at Adam’s hand. 

 

“Ok, ok,” Adam grumbled, only sounding very vaguely put out, “it’s not that funny.” 

 

Ronan wheezed. 

 

Adam shook his head disparagingly, then laughed as well until Ronan finally managed to pull himself together enough to lean in and kiss him properly. A full on kiss. Not a hello kiss, not a cheek kiss. 

 

Adam was still laughing a little as Ronan kissed him, but sobered up quickly to kiss him back, though he did giggle a little bit as Ronan pulled away again. 

 

“Aren’t you bio-med?” Ronan teased, “Aren’t you supposed to be crazy clever?” 

 

“Shut up,” Adam said. 

 

“We went on  _ dates _ ,” Ronan said. 

 

“I realise that now!” Adam groaned. 

 

“I told you you looked nice like, every time I saw you.” 

 

“I thought you were… kidding!” 

 

“I - God,” Ronan snorted again, “ok. Ok well. We’re dating, yeah? Me and you? You’re good with that?” 

 

“I am,” Adam said, “I’m extremely good with that.” 

 

“Cool, cool,” Ronan said. 

 

“So,” Adam said, “are we like,  _ just _ dating or are you my boyfriend?” 

 

“Oh did you miss the memo?” 

 

“Fuck off,” Adam snorted. 

 

“I’m happy to say we’re boyfriends,” Ronan mumbled, “I mean like, if you are.” 

 

 


	8. Chapter 8

It somehow worked out far easier than Adam had thought it would - for a few moments he felt guilty, or lazy even for not seeking out this sort of help earlier, but when he paused to think about it, he knew that it would have been unavailable to him earlier. Without connections. Without the help. The push. 

 

The first thing was to book a time to actually meet the lawyer he and Ronan chose, finding a time that Adam could fit into his schedule that would still give him time enough before his father’s ultimatum. The second thing was a request from the lawyer - photos of his Adam’s face before the bruises and the graze faded away. 

 

-

 

“You don’t have to,” Adam mumbled, shifting uncomfortably against the wall while Ronan fiddled with his phone camera settings (Honestly, Adam’s phone didn’t even have a camera so the idea of a phone having  _ settings _ for the camera was just odd). “I could just… I could take them myself.” 

 

“Better to get a face on angle,” Ronan mumbled, his attention still taken up, “and honestly? I have a feeling you’d be terrible at taking selfies.” 

 

Adam shrugged, and then Ronan glanced up as if something had occured to him. 

 

“Is this… uncomfortable?” he asked, “Would you prefer I didn’t?” 

 

“Is it uncomfortable,” Adam said truthfully, “but I thought it’d be more uncomfortable for you than me.” 

 

“I’m happy to do this,” Ronan said firmly, “I want to do this for you.” 

 

“Ok,” Adam sighed. 

 

Shut his eyes for a moment as he strained to hear the sound of Ethan’s faint snoring through the walls - a difficult feat with only one working ear and actually thick walls. He still managed though, because he had been hearing the sound for Ethan’s whole life, and it was a touchstone for his comfort now. If Ethan was happily asleep, he had to be doing something ok. 

 

“Ok?” Ronan asked. 

 

He sounded closer than he had been before, and Adam opened his eyes to Ronan barely a breath away. The thing with Ronan - one of the things with Ronan - was that his exterior always looked so hard. His shaved head, the dark stubble of it, his ears strung with metal, his face all hard angles and dark eyebrows. He looked like he belonged in a painting of an angel reinvisioned as punk. Strong, holy, beautiful, terrifying. 

 

But. 

 

Adam knew better. Not that Ronan wasn’t strong, or beautiful (or even somewhat holy and terrifying (possibly wholly terrifying)). No. Ronan was unrelentingly empathetic, or, unrelentingly full of love. 

 

Right now Adam could see that clearly, in the way Ronan was looking at him, in the way he’d lowered his phone, in the way he hadn’t reached out yet because he was waiting for Adam to give him the go ahead to touch. 

 

Adam leaned forwards, rested his forehead on Ronan’s shoulder, and exhaled. It was ridiculous that they had been dating for only one day in Adam’s mind but three months in Ronan’s, but it did answer why Adam felt so comfortable with him. God. He wished he had realised sooner. Had asked sooner. He could have been having this this whole time. 

 

Ronan’s hand settled in his hair, pressed his fingertips against Adam’s scalp, kissed his temple. 

 

“Ok?” Ronan asked again. 

 

“Yeah,” Adam said, “just… tired.” 

 

“I know,” Ronan said. 

 

They took the photos, Ronan sent them to the lawyer. 

 

-

 

He had been planning on going home tonight. He had been. He had been planning on coming back to Ronan’s to do lawyer stuff, to do dinner together, to collect Ethan and stuff up and take him home, but. 

 

But Ethan had fallen asleep in his lap after dinner - still exhausted from his cold - and Adam  _ was _ tired, and his flat would be cold and dark and it wasn’t that Adam was  _ scared _ because he couldn’t afford to be scared in his situation but. 

 

But it would be better to go back during the day, so he could see clearly that his father wasn’t there. So the flat could be light while the day darkened around them, so it would feel life a safer place. 

 

Ronan didn’t look put out about it at all either, in fact, he was the one who suggested they just crash here for the night again, stopping Adam’s fears of over stepping before they’d even fully formed. 

 

In bed next to Ronan, freshly showered, cream on his bruises, stomach full, body warm, he felt… he wasn’t sure how he felt. Satisfied? Guilty? Comfortable? An imposter? 

 

“Stop thinking,” Ronan whispered, rolling from his pillow to Adam’s and reaching out to fit his palm around Adam’s jaw, “you’re keeping us both awake.” 

 

“Sorry,” Adam breathed, settling in against Ronan’s touch gratefully, “I didn’t mean to.” 

 

“Brain won’t shut up?” Ronan asked, his thumb sliding against the corner of Adam’s mouth. 

 

“Mm.” 

 

“Do you need a distraction?” Ronan asked. 

 

Adam considered. He didn’t actually need to consider, but he didn’t want to appear needy. 

 

“Adam,” Ronan said. 

 

“Yeah,” Adam agreed, “I need a distraction.” 

 

Ronan’s lips were on his quicker than Adam could even open his eyes to see what Ronan’s face was doing. It wasn’t a demanding kiss, nothing fast paced. Just Ronan opening his mouth against Adam’s with the suggestion of  _ more _ , and Adam added the demand by responding in kind and biting down on Ronan’s lower lip, his hands struggling to free themselves from the sheets to grip Ronan’s shoulder, his hip, his waist, wherever they could get soonest. 

 

Ronan breathed in against the kiss, kicked at the blankets a little to free the both of them more, and shifted so that he was more on Adam than not, his hands framing Adam’s face firmly, though his fingers were still soft and careful against the bruises and scrapes. It made Adam feel like he was delicate, which he… didn’t like. He thought. It also made him feel… he wasn’t sure. 

 

He bit at Ronan’s lip again, because he needed more, and he knew Ronan wanted more as well, was only holding back because he thought Adam was breakable or some shit. Ronan swore into the kiss, and then he was clutching him tighter, pushing himself against Adam with meaning. 

 

Ronan was so heavy on him, muscle and height and intent all weighing him down against Adam’ thinner frame, pinning him comfortingly against the bed, pressing against him tip to toe. He was sliding his hands down from Adam’s face, pressing his thumbs gently into the dips of Adam’s clavicles, sliding down his sides over the t-shirt Adam was still wearing, then sliding back up his sides under the t-shirt, his hands firmer now they were on skin. 

 

Adam’s hands, for their part, couldn’t settle - darting from hanging around Ronan’s neck, to cupping his ass to pull him against him, to rubbing down the muscles of Ronan’s back, because everytime he did Ronan gasped into the kiss. There was no clear path ahead of his except to get more, more, more, to touch more, to make Ronan breathe harder. He had this stupid desire for Ronan to pull back and  _ tell _ him he was doing well. Because even though he knew Ronan was enjoying this - he wasn’t stupid - things didn’t feel real until he had confirmation. Never count your eggs before they’ve hatched, or whatever. 

 

He could feel Ronan hard against him - hard everywhere, not just his cock - his muscles taut under Adam’s hands, the only part of him soft were his hands as they smoothed down Adam’s stomach, causing his muscles and nerves to jump and jitter. 

 

He wanted  _ more _ . 

 

“Ronan,” he said, barely pulling away from their kiss which had devolved more into breathing against each other’s mouths with bursts of kisses, “can I - will you - can we -?” 

 

He couldn’t put it into words. 

 

“Want me to jerk you off?” Ronan said, his words crude but easy. 

 

He  _ did _ , he very much did… but also. God. It had been so long since  _ anything _ . When had he last touched himself? When had he had the time, and the energy, and the moments scraped together to be alone? He had no idea. 

 

“Yes,” he said, “I do, yes, but -” 

 

“Too soon?” Ronan asked. 

 

Adam wasn’t sure. He hated not being sure. 

 

“No,” he sighed, shifted under Ronan’s weight, the movement suddenly tugging at a sore muscle, reminding the rest of his body that it still hurt even while feeling good. “I’m just… too tired.” 

 

“Ok,” Ronan said easily, “how are you feeling?” 

 

Turned on? Exhausted? Sore? Like he wanted to pretend he wasn’t exhausted and sore so he could change his mind and say, yeah, jerk me off, let me do you, let me touch you, let me - 

 

“Better,”  he said instead, “I could sleep now.” 

 

“Happy to be of service,” Ronan said, his voice heavy with faux solemnity. 

 

“What about you?” Adam said quickly, “What about your - ? Do you need me to -” 

 

“No,” Ronan snorted, “not if you’re too tired to get to orgasm yourself, c’mon Parrish. Let’s sleep.” 

 

You’re too good to me, Adam wanted to say. Or was it  _ for _ me. He didn’t know. 

 

“Ok,” he said instead. 

 

-

 

He went home that afternoon, because it was the sensible thing to do, even if Ethan would have preferred his sleepover last the entire week. He was right that the flat was cold, and dark, even more so after spending the last two nights at Ronan’s where he felt it could never be cold or dark, and it was more than a little depressing to be  _ home _ at his flat again. 

 

As he was cutting up Ethan’s slice of quiche into manageable pieces for him, Ethan brought it up. Adam had been planning to, after dinner, but he didn’t mind being beaten to the punch. 

 

“I seen you two kissin’” Ethan said, quite proudly as he snuck a piece of sausage from between Adam’s knife and fork. “An’ kissin’, an’ kissin’ an’ kissin’!” 

 

“Me and Ronan?” Adam clarified, though he knew he didn’t need to. He pushed Ethan’s plate a little closer to him now he’d finished cutting. “Did’ya?” 

 

“Uh-huh,” Ethan said, digging into his dinner with gusto and speaking through the food. “In the kitchin, an’ in th’ couch, an’ in the park, an’ on the mouth!” 

 

“Yeah,” Adam said. “We’ve been doing a lot of kissing.” 

 

“That means you’re married,” Ethan said confidently, “I seen it on tv at Rosie’s.” 

 

Adam laughed. “Well,” he said, “married people do kiss, yes, and you kiss when you get married as well, but you kiss before that too. Ronan and I aren’t married. We’re dating. We’re boyfriends. Ronan is my boyfriend. What do you think of that?” 

 

Ethan screwed his face up as he thought, chewing hard on an unruly piece of broccoli. 

 

He was pretty sure he wouldn’t have to explain what dating was, or what boyfriends were - Ethan was old enough to have figured that out for himself now, but. It was true that they didn’t spend much time around couples, or healthy relationships, and so maybe he wouldn’t have gotten the same idea of what romance and dating was as most kids his age. For God’s sake.

  
  


“Mm,” Ethan said, spat out just a little bit of the broccoli stalk (it had been a little tough, so Adam understood), “Like Chhaya,” he said, “an’ her girlf-end. Oh!” 

 

“Hm?” 

 

“Boys have boyf-ends!” Ethan exclaimed, “and  _ girls have girlf-ends _ ?” 

 

Adam snorted, because this was not how he had expected this talk to go, and also, his father would be having a heart attack right this minute if he knew what Ethan was saying. Having a heart attack or pulling his arm back to beat Adam a new face. That was a bit more sobering. 

 

“No,” Adam said gently, spat out his own piece of tough broccoli stalk. “Boys can have boyfriends or girlfriends, and girls can have girlfriends or boyfriends too.”

 

“Huh,” Ethan said. 

 

“So,” Adam carried on, “are you ok with Ronan being my boyfriend?” 

 

“Uh-huh,” Ethan said, less interested in this part of the conversation now, “can boys have teddybearf-ends too? ‘Cos Dime could be mine.” 

 

“I guess,” Adam conceded, “you can have whatever kind of friend you like, honey.”

 

-

 

The last two mornings Adam had woken up in pain, because he always woke up in pain, but he had also woken up to arms around him, to a warm room that somehow wasn’t stuffy, to enough space that Ethan and Darcy both in the bed didn’t turn the morning cuddle into a squish. So Adam would like to think that anyone would be a little sad about waking up on the third morning, in pain, and squished, and with no arms around his waist. Ethan was there, of course, and while Adam didn’t resent Ethan for being the reason the bed was so squishy, or for any other reason, he resented that he resented it being just Ethan here with him. 

 

So. He wakes up in pain - just his joints protesting the unbearable indignity of being expected to work as joints-, he dresses Ethan, he dresses himself, he feeds Ethan, he takes the both of them to his early shift, Ethan naps, Adam works, he takes them to uni, drops Ethan off at playschool, goes to class. 

 

During his lunchbreak he stays in the lecture hall because he’s tutoring in their next and he may as well stay there and get some work done and set up the tutorial slides. 

 

When the door at the top of the hall opens with its characteristic creak, he doesn’t even look up. 

 

“Class doesn’t start for another twenty minutes,” he said, very focused on his typing. 

 

“Oh,” said a somewhat familiar voice. “That’s good. You’re Parrish, right? Adam Parrish?” 

 

Adam finished his sentence off, quick saved the document, and looked up. He couldn’t see the top of the hall very well, but he didn’t think this was someone he  _ knew _ . 

 

“Yes,” he said, “can I help?” 

 

“Oh,” the man said, beginning to walk down the stairs towards Adam, “yes, well, I mean. Not help exactly, but. Let me try again.” 

 

Adam waited. The man continued down the stairs, becoming more and more familiar the closer he got, the sharper Adam’s vision grew. 

 

“I’m Gansey,” Gansey said, “Richard Gansey. I, uh, I think Ronan may have mentioned me? I’m his friend.” 

 

“Yes,” Adam said, shutting the lid of his crappy laptop, and making to stand up, “Uh, hi. He has mentioned you, but I already knew - you’re a well known name at the university.” 

  
“Oh, well,” Gansey said, brushing aside the compliment with well practiced humility. “Please do stay seated, I just wanted to - wanted to say hello.”

 

“Hello,” Adam said dumbly. 

 

Gansey sat down beside him, grabbing a nearby chair and dragging it close so he and Adam were almost knee to knee. 

 

Adam has seen Gansey around campus, of course, everyone had seen Gansey. He was a social superstar, the reason the arts department was so well funded, head of student council among other things, published within both academic and fictional branches, and also Ronan’s best friend somehow. Up close, Gansey looked more human than Adam had imagined him. He was wearing glasses, and underneath them and his perfect glowing skin, he looked tired

 

“I’m sorry if this is a bit forward of me,” Gansey said, smiling apologetically. “I was just… shall we say surprised, to hear that Ronan was dating. I thought whoever it is must be a truly remarkable person.” 

 

“Well,” Adam attempted a good humoured scoff, waved his hand disparagingly at himself, “I’m sorry to disappoint.” 

 

“Oh, good lord, no!” Gansey said, “You said you’ve heard of me? I’ve heard of you as well. Your grades are outstanding. I was in a class with you the year before, I think you were taking it just as a filler or something. Philosophy within Gentrification? Your paper was truly breath taking. I was so relieved when the university published it, I would have hated to have heard of such a great piece of thought and writing going unnoticed!” 

 

Adam was well aware that he was blushing now. Gansey either hadn’t noticed, or didn’t care, because he barrelled on. 

 

“No, no, you’re absolutely no disappointment at all. I was pleased to hear it was you, though obviously surprised that you two met, after all I wouldn’t expect you two to just bump into each other naturally. I only wanted to meet you myself. Maybe I ought to have waited until Ronan introduced us, but I heard you were in here and I was passing by, and I thought, why not?” 

 

“Why not indeed,” Adam said clumsily, “uh. Well. it’s very nice to meet you, Gansey.” 

 

“Likewise,” Gansey beamed. 

 

The whole interaction felt embarrassingly posh. 

 

“Did Ronan tell you how we met?” Adam tried. 

 

“Vaguely,” Gansey frowned, “he hates talking on the phone, you probably know this by now, and he mentioned something about… playschool, and the park, but didn’t expand.” 

 

Ronan talked to him on the phone reasonably often. 

 

“Yeah,” Adam nodded, “we met at a park - a playground - my brother, Ethan, was playing with Darce.” 

 

“How sweet,” Gansey said, looked like he wanted to say something more, stopped himself, and then proceeded to just look awkward. 

 

Adam gave in. “You know about my father,” he said. 

 

“Oh,” Gansey sighed. “Yes. Ronan didn’t tell me outright, but I pieced it together myself. I wasn’t sure if - well. I wanted to say I was sorry.” 

 

Adam would prefer he hadn’t. 

 

“It’s fine,” Adam said, “I suppose I ought to thank you for getting us in touch with the lawyers.” 

 

“It was no trouble,” Gansey assured him, “I’m happy to help.” 

 

“Thank you,” Adam said, then, “look, I’m sorry to cut this short, but I really need to finish up here before I tutor this next class…” 

 

“Ah,” Gansey said, “of course. Sorry. I’ll be out of your hair, then! Hopefully next time we meet we’ll have more time.” 

 

“Hopefully,” Adam nodded, “good to meet you, Gansey.” 

 

-

 

“Adam,” Ethan said on their way home from uni, Ethan sitting on Adam’s knee in the bus because it was quite full. “I’ve a quetch-shun.” 

 

“Ok,” Adam said, trying to keep his mind off of how his knees ached at the joint pressure of a child sitting on them and a terrible bus seat. “Ask away, buddy.” 

 

“If you,” Ethan said, “an’ Ronan gets married, then. Will. Darce’n’me be sibligs-shiblin-subun-ugh. Sisters?” 

 

“Siblings,” Adam said helpfully, then, “um. Well. No, not really. ‘Cos you’re my brother, yeah? Not my kid. So -” 

 

“I don’t wanna,” Ethan said then, interrupting. 

 

“Don’t wanna?” Adam repeated, “Don’t wanna what, bud? What’s up.” 

 

“Darce has a dad,” Ethan said, “an’ m’f-ends at playschool have dads or mums. An’ I don’t!” 

 

“You do,” Adam said softly, “but he wasn’t a good dad. And she wasn’t a good mum. So we left. Remember?” 

 

“Uh-huh,” Ethan grouched, “but!” He didn’t carry on here, just huffed loudly and angrily. 

 

Adam readjusted his arms around him so he was less just holding him on his lap and more cuddling him . 

 

“Buddy,” he said, “hey. Not everyone has dads or mums, and that’s ok. Me an’ you? We have each other instead.” 

 

“No!” Ethan insisted, and Adam’s stomach sank despite the fact that he knew Ethan wasn’t actually telling him he hated him. “I! Want! A! Dad!” 

 

“Honey,” Adam said, trying not to sound desperate, or overwhelmed, or tired, “I know. I know. I’m sorry. But you have me, and -” 

 

“ _ You’re _ my dad,” Ethan said tearfully, “I! Don’! Wan’! a! Brother!” 

 

Adam had no idea how he was supposed to react here. He was wanted and not wanted at the same time. 

 

“Ok,” he said as non-stiffly as possible, “ok, honey, ok. I’ve got you.” 

 

Ethan hiccuped a little bit, the result of his sudden explosion of emotions, and then settled in Adam’s arms, resting his damp face on Adam’s shoulder and sticking one of his hands into Adam’s jacket pocket. 

 

He wanted to stay on the bus past their stop, ride for the next six or so stops, then walk to Ronan’s flat. He wanted to scrabble his phone out of his back pocket and call Ronan and ask him to pick them up and take them to his and sort Adam’s emotions out for him. He wanted Ronan to come to the flat and bring his warmth and light and his words that bolstered Adam’s head and his heart. 

 

They got off at their usual stop. Walked to their flat. Adam made dinner. Ethan ate dinner. Adam showered Ethan, put him in his pj’s, carried him up to Rosie’s. Adam went to work. 

 

-

 

“Adam?” Ronan answered his call on the very last ring, “Hey? What’s up?” 

 

“I-” Adam hadn’t actually thought that far. All he knew was that he had ten minutes before his bus came and he wanted to hear Ronan’s voice. “I missed you,” he said. 

 

Ronan laughed, a light noise. “I missed you too,” he said easily, quickly patching up the hole in Adam’s stomach that had begun opening when he’d allowed himself to be vulnerable. “I just put Darce down. She was extra cranky because Ethan wasn’t here.” 

 

“Sorry,” Adam said, listened to Ronan’s quick laugh again. “Actually,” he said, “Ethan asked me something today.” 

 

“Oh?” Ronan said, while Adam regretted saying that at all because he hadn’t meant to, and it was attached to a whole bundle of yarn he didn’t want to untangle right now. 

 

“Uh,” he said, “he, well, y’know kids. He asked that if we got married, if Darce would be his sister.” 

 

Ronan laughed again, at least he was amused. “Well,” he said, “I guess he would technically be her… uncle? But I mean, they’re only a few years apart. It would make more sense to raise them and treat them like siblings, right?” 

 

Adam didn’t know how to respond to this either, so he didn’t. He closed his eyes against the dark around him, pictured Ronan on the other end of the call. On his couch maybe, sprawled against the cushions, phone pressed to his cheek. 

 

“Too soon?” Ronan asked softly. 

 

“To be fair,” Adam said, “I was the one who brought up marriage.” 

 

“How are you?” Ronan asked, “You sound…” 

 

“I’m tired,” Adam finished for him, but Ronan made a sound of discontent. 

 

“No,” he said, “I mean, yes. You do sound tired. But. You sound off. Has something happened?” 

 

Adam opened his eyes, to check for the bus, to ground himself in the world as something here, solid, seeing in the city. 

 

“No,” he said, “well,” he said, “sort of, but not really.” 

 

“Which is it?” Ronan asked, “No, sort of, or, not really?”

 

“I don’t want to talk about it right now,” Adam sighed.

 

“Ok,” Ronan said after a moment of silence in which Adam thought maybe they would begin their first fight as a couple. “Tell me about your day?” 

 

“Um,” Adam said, “I met your friend. Gansey?” 

 

“Oh God,” Ronan said, “how?” 

 

“He hunted me down,” Adam said, allowed the sound of his small smile slip into his voice, “cornered me in a lecture hall. He was very charming.” 

 

“God,” Ronan said, “I’m so sorry.” 

 

“Don’t be,” Adam said, “he was nice. Protective of you, I thought. Surprised you were dating.” 

 

“Well,” Ronan said, Adam could almost hear him shrug, “we’re protective of each other. Have been since we were young.” 

 

“Mm,” Adam said. 

 

“And I suppose he has a right to be surprised,” Ronan carried on, “seeing as you’re the first person I’ve dated, too. I didn’t even date anyone for a week.” 

 

“Oh,” Adam said. 

 

“I meant to tell you when you told me,” Ronan carried on, “but the moment slipped past.” 

 

“I get it,” Adam said, rolled his eyes, let the amusement fill his chest. “So we’re both newbies?” 

 

“Yeah,” Ronan snorted, “I don’t know shit about this, Parrish. Pretty ironic that we both have kids, huh?” 

 

“God,” Adam said, then, a thought occuring to him, “does that mean,” he asked slowly, “have you ever- uh -” 

 

“I have not,” Ronan said “aren’t you lucky? You’re going to be the one to ‘take my virginity’.” 

 

Adam felt like he was going to have a heart attack. 

 

“Oh,” he said, as casual as possible. 

 

“Though of course,” Ronan said easily, “virginity is a social construct, etc, etc, so, no pressure, Parrish.” 

 

“No pressure,” Adam repeated, “but I guess you get the same privilege for me.” 

 

“I look forwards to it,” Ronan said, and Adam blushed in the dark, pleased no one else was here at this bus stop. “Where are you?” 

 

“Waiting for the bus,” Adam replied, “going home.” 

 

“Sad,” Ronan sighed, then, “I wish you were here.” 

 

Adam allowed himself to imagine getting on the bus to Ronan’s and going to Ronan’s, and getting into bed with Ronan, and allowing certain social constructs to be taken from him. 

 

“Me too,” he said, “but I have to get Ethan and put him to bed.” 

 

“I liked having you two over,” Ronan said, “I really liked it.” 

 

“Me too,” Adam said again, “it was…” comfortable, homey, heavenly, too good for him…, “super nice.” 

 

“We should do it more often,” Ronan said, “I especially liked waking up to you in bed with me.” 

 

“Ok,” Adam said, before his brain could butt in with little anecdotes about not taking up too much time, and how it was a waste of rent if he wasn’t even sleeping in the flat, and on, and on, and on. “We should. Oh -” 

 

“Your bus?” 

 

“Yeah,” Adam said. 

 

“I’ll talk to you later,” Ronan said, “love you.” 

 

“Love you too,” Adam said automatically, “talk to you tomorrow.” 

 


	9. Chapter 9

It took him the whole ride home before it sunk in what had just happened. 

 

The whole ride home, the trek up the stairs, collecting Ethan, listening to Rosie tell him about her various ailments, taking Ethan back home, tucking him into bed, sitting down on their couch with his homework, and his brain finally ticking over to tell him what he had just said to Ronan. 

 

“Oh my God,” Adam mumbled to his text book. 

 

Ronan had said it first, right? He had. He has said it so casually that it had barely registered in Adam’s mind except to reply in kind. Ronan had said it first. Had he meant to say it? Had it been a mistake? A runover from talking to his mother maybe? From talking with Darcy? His other friends? Adam wasn’t in the habit of saying that to anyone. Except Ethan. And he was aware he didn’t say it to Ethan enough. 

 

He opened his book, flicking through pages distractedly. He bet that Ronan wasn’t freaking out about this. Even if he had said it by mistake - which he must have - he had probably just brushed it off and moved on with his night. Because he seemed like he was good at that. He was certainly good at dealing with Adam’s issues and smoothing them out, so. 

 

Fuck. He couldn’t concentrate. He didn’t really need to study tonight, did he? God. 

  
  


-

  
  


In bed next to Ethan, phone in hand, half leaning out of the bed because the phone in hand was plugged in and the cord was a little too short, he attempted to text Ronan. 

 

-Hey! Haha funny about our joint mistake at the end of our phonecall!

 

He didn’t send that one. 

 

-Did you mean to say the L word? Because I didn’t realise until I got home??

 

He also didn’t send that one. 

 

-You realise we’ve only known each other a few months right? 

 

He definitely didn’t send that one. 

 

-

 

The following day was busy - Adam had a couple of double shifts, plus a full course load at uni - his entire day was basically taken up by being in class, work, or travelling between places (uni, uni playschool, work, the flat, Rosie’s). He texted Ronan a couple of times in snatched moments of pause, but certainly not enough to bring up what had been said the previous night. 

 

The next day was more of the same - though he did see Ronan briefly at play school (Ronan picking Darcy and Ethan up to take them back to his), and again after work when Ronan dropped Ethan back home, but it was for no longer than a quick kiss, a hello, a goodbye. 

 

Maybe Ronan was avoiding him. Maybe he was avoiding Ronan? 

 

No. He was just busy. 

 

Still, the fact of the matter was that he didn’t actually get to properly see Ronan, to spend time with Ronan, until they met up to go see the lawyer. Not that Ronan needed to come, but he had offered, and Adam had said yes, and so. 

 

-

 

He didn’t have work that afternoon, and he had someone else covering his tutoring sessions, and Ronan came to pick him up. Ethan and Darcy were at play school - where they’d stay until after the meeting - and so for really the first time, it was just him and Ronan. No children asleep a few rooms over, no-one wanting to climb onto laps, or needing to be fed, or cuddled, or comforted (though it wouldn’t be a lie to say that Adam wanted to get onto Ronan’s lap, to be fed, cuddled, comforted). 

 

Really it was a pity this child free afternoon was going to be spent on the unpleasantness of recounting an unpleasant past to a lawyer while his brand new boyfriend who possibly (unlikely) loved him sat by and listened. 

 

“Parrish,” Ronan said, a good five minutes after they’d got into the car and kissed and said hello and put their seatbelts on and started driving and Adam had not said a single word and had possibly looked entirely vacant. “Hey.” 

 

“Mm?” Adam hummed.

 

He dropped his hand from his chin where he was propping himself up against the window, and turned to look at Ronan. They were paused at the lights so Ronan wasn’t looking at the road but rather at Adam. Not a simple glance. He felt like he was being stared right through. Like Ronan had turned to look at him and could see straight inside him at all his faults, and he wasn’t pleased with what he saw. 

 

“I don’t have to come in if you don’t want me to,” Ronan said, “if it makes you uncomfortable.” 

 

Oh. 

 

“Um,” Adam said, dropped his gaze from Ronan, “uh. You don’t need to come in.” 

 

“No,” Ronan said, shifted the clutch as the lights changed, “I’m not asking to be let off, Parrish, I’m asking what you want. I want to come in with you if you want me there.” 

 

_ Oh _ . 

 

“I want you there,” Adam said. 

 

“I don’t play games, Parrish,” Ronan said, sounding a little stiff, he was back to watching the road now they were driving, so Adam was back to looking at him, “I’m not gonna try and trick the wrong answer out of you.” 

 

“I know,” Adam said. 

 

“Nah,” Ronan shook his head, “I could see you looking at me and thinking this was something convoluted. I’m not gonna do that to you.” 

 

“What do you want me to say?” Adam shot back, “I said I know.” 

 

“I don’t -” Ronan cut himself off, shook his head, cleared his throat. “I didn’t mean to piss you off,” he said, “some things just bear repeating. I’ve spent a lot of my life second guessing, so I wanna be clear now. Clear about the shit that matters. Especially with you. Especially since I realised we weren’t on the same foot about the dating thing.” 

 

Now Adam cleared his throat. “So,” he said, “you are mad about me not realising we were dating?” 

 

Ronan sighed. He indicated then, and just pulled right over, parking smoothly before turning to look at Adam. 

 

“I’m not mad at you,” he said. “Not about the misunderstanding there, not about anything.” 

 

Adam was mad. At himself. Frustrated. At himself. 

 

“I’m so shit at this,” Adam said, couldn’t bring himself to keep looking at Ronan. “I’m so - sorry.” 

 

“Adam,” Ronan said, “c’mon. You’re not. We’re new to this. Hey.” 

 

Adam shook his head. 

 

Ronan was silent for a moment, his thinking loud in the silence between them. 

 

“Is this about the other night?” Ronan asked. 

 

Only partially, right? It wasn’t - there was no actual issue. Adam didn’t know what this was fucking about. 

 

“I don’t know,” Adam said, truthful finally. 

 

“I meant it,” Ronan said, “I do mean it. If you didn’t mean it back that’s ok. I know it’s fast. I mean, I’ve been dating you for three months, you haven’t even dated me a week.” 

 

That was true. He nodded. Breathed in. Out. 

 

“I’m sorry if it was… too much,” Ronan continued, “if you need me to chill out a bit, I can.” 

 

Adam shook his head. “I don’t want that,” he said, also truthful. 

 

Ronan reached out to him, his hand hovering until Adam shifted in against it. 

 

“What do you want?” Ronan asked, “What do you need?” 

 

So much. Too much. Always. 

 

“I feel like I’m stuck on fast forward,” Adam mumbled, shifting still so he could press further against Ronan’s touch. “Ethan is - things are changin’ - and with this lawyer thing - and - with  _ you _ \- but I don’t want it to slow down even though it’s so much and -” 

 

He paused to breathe, to let Ronan unbuckle himself and lean in even closer, to wrap his arms around Adam and hold him. 

 

“God,” Adam groaned, “I don’t wanna have a meltdown right now.” 

 

“Shit happens,” Ronan said quietly, shuffling the both of them until Adam was tidily enclosed in Ronan’s arms. “If you need to let the shit out, you can.” 

 

Adam breathed heavily against Ronan’s shoulder, feeling Ronan’ shirt grow damp against his face with his breath and a few errant tears. He needed to get a grip on himself. Nothing was  _ wrong _ , and plenty of things were  _ right _ and it was just all --- God it was all too much wrapped up together with his stupid body and his bagfuls of worries, and insecurities, and - 

 

“I’ve got you,” Ronan said, “I’ve got you.” 

 

“No games,” Adam mumbled, voice squished against Ronan. 

 

“No games,” Ronan replied firmly. 

 

“I’m pretty sure I - I’m pretty sure I love you too,” Adam said, “and it’s been making my brain chaos the last few days because I didn’t know if you meant it and - fuck.” 

 

“I mean it,” Ronan said, “I fucking love you.” 

 

“Even right now,” Adam whispered, “while I’m looking like an idiot, crying over nothing?” 

 

“Yep,” Ronan said, quite cheerily, “I love the fuck out of you.” 

 

“God,” Adam said. 

 

“What else?” Ronan asked, “What else is going on?” 

 

Adam sniffed, felt a lot like Ethan - all teary and sniffly and needing to be held like he’d just woken from a bad dream. 

 

“Ethan is -” Adam cut himself off, cleared his throat. He had no idea how to talk about this properly. “He doesn’t want me to be his brother,” he said, and then so as not to cause too much confusion, “because he wants me to be his dad. He’s - he wants a dad. I dunno. I guess - I guess seeing me hurt made him remember when we were at home, and he - I dunno.” 

 

“It makes sense,” Ronan offered. 

 

“I don’t know if I can be that for him,” Adam whispered. “I’m just me. I’m just Adam. I’m so tired, all the time, Ronan. What if I - I don’t want to fuck up and have him have had two fuck up dads. I don’t know how to give him what he needs -” 

 

“You’re doing a great job,” Ronan said, “an amazing job. You already act like his father, quite honestly, in all the good ways. You comfort him, feed him, clothe him, care for him, teach him. He loves you and you love him. You’re giving him what he needs.” 

 

If Adam had realised that hearing this was going to be a good chunk of what he had been needing the last few days, he would have wrangled a way for Ronan to say this to him without him needing to have a meltdown around it first. Something hollow in his stomach filled up. Not quite all the way, but enough that it didn’t ache quite so loudly. 

 

“We’re gonna be late for the meeting,” Adam whispered. 

 

Ronan made a vague noise, then checked his watch and swore loudly. 

 

“Fuck,” he said, “we’ve gotta go. Are you ok?” 

 

“Yeah,” Adam mumbled, pulling away from Ronan’s embrace, wiping his face on his sleeve. “I’m ok.” 

 

Ronan nodded at him, reached over to press his thumb in gently under Adam’s eye to wipe a missed tear, and then hefted himself properly back into his seat and restarted the car. 

 

“Thank you,” Adam said after they were back on the road, possibly going over the speed limit. “I hadn’t realised I was so - thank you.” 

 

“Anytime,” Ronan said, then, “listen. We need to have a proper date soon. Without the kids. Nothing fancy, just you and me. So we can really talk.” 

 

“Are you suggesting a crying date?” Adam asked, clearing his throat and wiping his sleeve under his nose just in case. 

 

“Kinda, yeah,” Ronan said with a quick flash of a grin. “It’s hard to sort out emotions when dealing with kids all the time. I wanna look after you, Parrish, I wanna take care of you.” 

 

Maybe in any other context, Adam would have hated this. He did not hate this. 

 

“I wanna take care of you too,” he replied, his cheeks flushing unhelpfully, “I’m sorry for not being forthright earlier.” 

 

Ronan waved this apology away, shook his head. “This is new,” he said firmly, “we’re fucking learning, man. Cut yourself some slack.” 

 

“Hey,” Adam said, “I love you.” 

 

“Hey,” Ronan replied, “love you too.” 

 

-

 

The meeting wasn’t as bad as Adam had expected - which wasn’t to say it wasn’t excruciating, because it was - and the lawyer was kinder than he had expected, and listened as he spoke, and didn’t once suggest that maybe Adam was the one in the wrong. 

 

Instead, she asked him careful questions about his and Ethan’s life before they had left Henrietta, gave him time to gather himself, didn’t bat an eye when he needed to turn away for a moment to breathe. She asked if his father had ever broken his bones, and when Adam said he had, asked if he’d be willing to get some scans done to further back their case. Adam brought up his ear, and the lawyer agreed that that was a good point to put in, and Adam glanced at Ronan to try and say without speaking that he was sorry he hadn’t told him earlier. 

 

In all, it boiled down to this; Adam had been unsafe in his parents’ care for the entire time he had been in it. Ethan, while physically unharmed, had never been safe, would not have been unharmed were it not for another body shielding him. Ethan had been constantly safe in Adam’s care. Had been enrolled in school for the following year, was meeting all the normal milestones, was fed, and healthy, and happy with Adam. 

 

-

 

Driving back to the university to pick the kids up, Adam kept his hand folded lightly around Ronan’s on the gearstick, a solid reminder that he was there, that Ronan was there. 

 

The lawyer would get back to him ASAP, with appointments for him to go get scans done, for him to take Ethan in for a check up so they could have medical proof of his general health. All Adam could do right now was wait. 

 

“Come stay the night,” Ronan said to his windscreen as he navigated them around the uni parking lot, “we can drop by yours and pick up your stuff.” 

 

“I have work,” Adam said, “this evening, seven until about eleven.”

 

“Come stay anyway?” Ronan asked, and his voice cracked - almost imperceptibly. 

 

Adam considered. 

 

“I can pick you up,” Ronan offered. 

 

That would mean he would have to either keep the kids awake until eleven, or, wake them up and put them in the car, and that just wouldn’t do. 

 

“No,” Adam said, “I’ll bus to yours.”

 

-

 

He got in to Ronan’s at about half past eleven, letting himself in with the key and card Ronan had handed him after dinner, mumbling something about how it was just easier if Adam had his own keys. The flat was dim, the main lights off - just a low lamp in the entrance, and the soft light coming from under Ronan’s bedroom door. 

 

He checked on the kids first, going in to kiss Ethan’s forehead, to tuck him back in because he always flailed his way out of the blankets. He tucked Darcy in again as well. 

 

He showered, brushed his teeth, took a moment to consider the fact that Ronan had a towel for him, a toothbrush for him, clothes set out for him. It was almost agonisingly sweet, and also made Adam feel a little guilty. There was nothing for Ronan at Adam’s flat. They never stayed over there, so there were none of Ronan’s clothes except for the ones Adam accidentally wore home, there were no accessories. He guessed it made sense, seeing as there was really no room for the four of them to sleep at Adam and Ethan’s, but still. 

 

Ronan was still up, sitting in bed with a book in hand, one arm tucked behind his head, his bedside lamp on. He looked up as Adam shut the door behind him, and smiled. 

 

“Was wondering if you’d come in eventually.” 

 

“I considered sleeping with the kids,” Adam said, tossing his work clothes onto the chair near the door, “but I wanted to get to stretch out, and their beds are too small.” 

 

“Yeah, real hell on your back,” Ronan agreed, marking his place in the book and putting it to the side. “Hey.” 

 

“Hey,” Adam returned, stretching his arms above his head until his back clicked, and then heading for the bed. “Ok night? Kids go down ok?” 

 

“Yeah,” Ronan said, shoving the blankets down for Adam and holding his arm out towards them. “Ethan was a little sniffly, wanting you, but he was ok after a cuddle and a story.” 

 

“Thanks,” Adam mumbled, slotting himself in against Ronan’s side, resting his head against Ronan’s. “God, I feel like I’ve been run over by a steam roller.”

 

“Hard shift?” Ronan asked, pressing a kiss to Adam’s forehead, then his cheek, then his jaw. 

 

“Just normal body aches,” Adam sighed, closing his eyes so as to better soak in the affection being laid upon him. “It just gets worse when I’m tired.” 

 

“Hm,” Ronan shifted a little so he could lift his other hand up to cup Adam’s face, to stroke his fingers through Adam’s hair. “Want a massage?” 

 

“If that’s an innuendo,” Adam mumbled, “yes, but I’m too tired.” 

 

“Not an innuendo,” Ronan replied, “honest to goodness back rub.” 

 

“Fuck yes,” Adam said, “I would love that.” 

 

“Ok,” Ronan said, kissed him again, “take your shirt off and lie down, I’ve got some moisturiser, not proper oil or whatever, but it should do.”

 

“I didn’t think we’d get as fancy as moisturiser,” Adam mumbled, fumbling a little as he sat up and pulled his shirt off over his head, “so I’m still impressed.” 

 

“Too easy,” Ronan shot back, the bed shifting as he got up off of it. “Gimme a sec, babe.” 

 

While Ronan went to grab the moisturiser, Adam lay himself carefully down on top of the blankets, just as carefully trying to analyse exactly how he felt about being called babe. Pretty damn good, he was pretty sure. The bed shifted again, dipping under Ronan’s weight, and then Ronan’s hands were on his back, cool and firm. No moisturiser yet, just Ronan’s hand on him. 

 

“God,” Ronan said, “you’re ridiculously good looking, you know that?” 

 

Adam did not know that. He snorted, shook his head against the sheet. Felt Ronan press a kiss in between his shoulder blades, sending a shiver down his spine. 

 

“Can I sit on you?” Ronan asked then, and Adam snorted again. 

 

“You sure this ain’t an innuendo?” He drawled. 

 

“Not unless you want it to be,” Ronan replied. 

 

“You can sit on me,” Adam said, “but not as an innuendo.” 

 

Ronan straddled him, knees on either side of his waist. If Adam wasn’t so tired, so flattened from life, he would back track right not and say yes to the innuendoes. 

 

He heard a lid click, and then a slick noise, and then Ronan’s hands were back on his back, gentle against his aching muscles. The noise Adam let out was not child friendly, and he was explicitly pleased that Ethan and Darcy were safely tucked in and behind several walls. 

 

“Good?” Ronan asked, “Not too hard?” 

 

“You could go harder,” Adam mumbled into the mattress. 

 

Ronan made a noise that was probably amusement, and then shifted his weight over Adam and pressed the heels of his hands in on either side of Adam’s spine. 

 

It was so fucking good. He’d never had a massage before - or a back rub - and his back had always just been a mess of stiff muscles and stinging nerves and an aching spine, so to have someone sorting out the chaos of it so easily was amazing. No. To have Ronan, Ronan specifically, ease the constant ache, even just that little, was beyond amazing. 

 

Until, all too quickly, his back was suddenly --- he wasn’t sure. Overwhelmed? On fire? Every press of Ronan’s hands that had been relieving just moments before were suddenly on the cusp of agony, like his muscles couldn’t take the touch, or his nerve ends were frayed. But God. Maybe if he just stayed still and quiet it would go back to how it was before. Or if he stayed still and quiet, Ronan wouldn’t notice and wouldn’t feel bad, and - God. 

 

“Hey,” Ronan’s hands had stopped, were resting just lightly on Adam’s waist. “You’re all tense suddenly, did I hurt you?” 

 

It wasn’t  _ Ronan _ that had hurt him. It was his own body, always his own body now, seizing the most inopportune moments to become flayed open. 

 

“No,” Adam whispered, trying to relax his back again. It still ached and ached, even without Ronan moving his hands on it, but less now. He could relax. He could pretend everything was normal. 

 

“Adam,” Ronan’s hands shifted from his waist, to his nape, “are you in pain?” 

 

“It’s not your fault,” Adam conceded. 

 

Ronan swore, quietly, shifted off of him in one fluid motion so he was kneeling beside Adam instead. 

 

“Did I pinch a nerve?” he asked. 

 

“No,” Adam shook his head, rolled painfully onto his side, reached out to grasp onto Ronan’s hand - fisted in the sheet. “No. It - my back is… sensitive. It - the back rub was actually amazing, until my back decided that - that it couldn’t take being touched. It’s not your fault,” he reiterated, needing Ronan to know, to understand. 

 

Ronan didn’t look entirely convinced, so Adam tried again. 

 

“You helped a lot,” he said, soft, curving his body around Ronan, wanting to sit up but knowing it would hurt too much right now. “My back hurts like hell right now, but as soon as it gets over itself it’s going to feel so much better, thanks to you.” 

 

Ronan sighed. “Is this,” he started, slow, “is this from an… an injury from your father? Like your ear?” 

 

Adam shut his eyes. There was no rebuke in Ronan’s voice, but he still felt… guilty maybe for not telling him earlier. It was just easier not to bring it up, not to have to tell people about his hearing. 

 

“No,” he said, “or at least - at least - I don’t think so? It’s just something my body does.” 

 

“Your body?” Ronan asked, shifted in increments until he was lying on the bed next to Adam, stretching his legs out. A small thud announced that the moisturiser had been knocked off of the bed. Ronan didn’t seem to care. “Where else do you hurt?” 

 

Adam stared at him. Where else did he hurt? 

 

Ronan’s hand was on his face, gentle, still a little greasy from the moisturiser, tilting his chin so that Adam wouldn’t look away like he wanted to. 

 

“Everywhere,” Adam mumbled, “my back, my - my knees, my hips. My shoulders. My arms. My hands. My body. Just. Everywhere. But everyone does, don’t they? It’s just - just mine plays up a little more.” 

 

Ronan kissed him. “No,” he said, “not everyone hurts everywhere, Parrish, do you really think that?” 

 

Adam didn’t know if he really thought that. 

 

“Do you always hurt?” Ronan asked. 

 

“Yeah,” Adam said. 

 

Ronan swore again, under his breath, kissed Adam again. Adam didn’t entirely understand what Ronan was trying to get at, but he was appreciating the kissing, plus, his back was easing up and he could begin to feel the benefits in the ease of his muscles. 

 

“That’s not normal,” Ronan said, “at all.” 

 

Adam already knew he wasn’t  _ normal _ . He shrugged. 

 

“Um,” Ronan said, cleared his throat. “Look,” he said. “I had a friend with something that sounds pretty much the same, and I - I’m obviously not a medical expert or some shit, but it’s just -” 

 

“What?” Adam pressed. 

 

“He had fibroagli- wait - fibromyalgia. He had fibromyalgia. It’s like. Uh. Chronic pain, exhaustion?” 

 

“Oh,” Adam said. 

 

“I’m not saying you definitely have it,” Ronan mumbled, “just. It sounds similar to what he’d say about it. It might be worth talking to a doctor about.” 

 

“Oh,” Adam said. 

 

“Babe?” 

 

“What happened to your friend?” Adam asked. 

 

“Uh,” Ronan winced. “He. He died. Not of fibro. Noah. He had a friend who wasn’t a good friend. Uh. Murdered him.” 

 

This was not what pillow talk was supposed to be. 

 

“Oh my God,” Adam mumbled, “fuck. Ronan - I’m - I’m sorry -” 

 

Ronan shook his head. “I don’t wanna,” he said, “I don’t wanna think about it right now. It’s really shitty, and - hurts to think about.” 

 

Adam got that. “Ok,” he said, leaned in, kissed Ronan on the forehead because Ronan wasn’t the only one who got to hand out comforting kisses. “Ok. Um. The fibro thing? I’ll read up about it, ok?” 

 

“Ok,” Ronan mumbled back. “How’s your back?” 

 

“A lot better now,” Adam said, “thank you for the rub.” 

 

Ronan kissed him. 


	10. Chapter 10

Between classes the following day, he did do a little research. He misspelled it the first time, which is a little embarrassing though no one is observing him so it really shouldn’t matter. It still did. 

 

It was almost more… more embarrassing to be reading the symptoms and ticking them all off in his head as  _ him _ . 

 

Yes, yes, yes, - God yes to morning stiffness. It felt a bit like being stripped down and rediscovered as odd and strange in a new way. He always knew he wasn’t quite normal, not quite right, but he had vaguely thought that this was just the way life was. That most people were just better at coping with the constant headaches, the continual fatigue, the ache, the hollowness in his mind, in his bones, in his stomach.  

 

He wanted to send a line of one of the medical pages to Ronan; ‘you might even be too tired for sex’. It was certainly correct, certainly apt for their current… experiences. But possibly a little too on the nose. 

 

He tried to find symptoms that didn’t fit, that would put him firmly in the ‘congrats you don’t have something wrong with you’ stage, but he just… kept finding more accuracies. Yeah, he was extremely sensitive to cold - when was he not on the verge of shivering? Yeah, he got numbness quite often - but he had attributed that to the cold. Like, fuck, the only thing he could find that he didn’t experience was that he didn’t have trouble  _ peeing _ . 

 

“Congrats for being able to pee, I guess,” he mumbled to himself, and then immediately regretted it as Alousie who was studying next to him looked at him oddly. “Sorry,” he mumbled. 

 

-

 

He booked in with the uni doctor, miraculously getting an appointment the same day due to a cancellation. He’d been to the uni health centre only a few times. A couple of times just to get some panadol when his headaches had gotten too bad, once to grab a plaster for someone else, and once to go get all his vaccinations up to date. He hated going to the doctor. He especially hated it when it meant he had to miss part of a class to go. 

 

He had considered texting Ronan and telling him that he was following up on the whole fibro thing, but, but. He wanted to find this out by himself. He didn’t need someone else’s anxieties about it building on his own. He just wanted an answer. God. What if Ethan had fibromyalgia too? What if he wouldn’t pass the general health thing and the lawyer saw that and decided that Ethan should actually not stay with Adam at all? What if this was the thing that send his whole life tumbling down like dominoes one after another? Like a landslide started by a small skid? What if - 

 

He was called in to the doctor’s office. 

 

He presented his screeds of research, the symptoms he matched, mumbled about the pain he was currently in, averted his eyes while the doctor did a little bit of her own research. 

 

At the end of it, he felt like it shouldn’t have been that easy. He had been living with this… this pain for as long as he could remember. He couldn’t remember a single day in which he had woken up and  _ not _ been in pain and now - well now he knew it wasn’t normal. The doctor had taken his vitals, and gave him a general check up, and asked him question after question and had then nodded and agreed with him and Ronan that it was in fact fibromyalgia, and yes, sorry, there was no cure, just management. 

 

Wasn’t that all he was ever doing, though? Managing? He managed his lack of funds as well as he could, he managed his fears as well as he could, he managed single parenting Ethan as well as he could, and he had, always, managed his pain as well as he could and now he was told that was all there was that he could do? 

 

Exercise, the doctor had said, her smile a little apologetic, eat healthy, try and get a normal sleep schedule, do things you find enjoyable, here’s a script for some painkillers. 

 

God. 

 

It was. It was good. Yes. Having this word to explain something about him. Having this word as a shield if he ever needed it for a late assignment (sorry ma’am, I need an extension because I have  _ fibromyalgia _ and can’t cope with my pain),  not that he would ever use it. He was too stupidly proud for that. 

 

Being able to name his pain was a good thing, but it didn’t take away from the fact that he was  _ in pain _ , that he had been in pain, that apparently he would always be in pain and he was supposed to just learn to deal with it, to mitigate it himself, to squish in light exercise and warm baths into his crammed schedule. 

 

He wanted to go home. 

 

No. He didn’t want to go home, he wanted to go to Ronan’s home. He wanted - he wanted - he wanted to not be the one in charge of his life, in charge of his health and happiness and well-being. He wanted someone else to take the mantle and look after him for  _ once in his fucking life  _  and just - 

 

He filled out his script at the uni pharmacy, thankful and bitter all at once that his doctor had subsidised the fees heavily for him. He went to his next class. He took notes mechanically. He decided he didn’t need to go to the study group session that he had on next, and went to go get Ethan out of play school early. 

 

-

  
  


Ethan was pleased to be picked up early, clung with his arms around Adam’s neck and chatted continually as Adam walked with him to the bus stop. 

 

“An’,” Ethan continued on loudly as Adam sat the two of them down at the bench, his eyes on the timetable informing him that the bus he wanted was still a good few minutes off, “We made CARDS for it, and I used A! Lot! Of! Glitterer! An’ ‘Arcy wen’ home w’ Rodanan at lunch time an’ HER card for him was SO big he’d had had have had to have had openeded it with TWO hands! Adam! TWO.” 

 

“Wow,” Adam said, then shook his head, “sorry honey, what? You made glittery cards?” 

 

“Uh-huh,” Ethan said, struggled a little in Adam’s arms as he tried to reach for his backpack which was over Adam’s other shoulder. “F’you.” 

 

“Oh?” Adam said. Plopped Ethan down on the bench next to him and retrieved his backpack for him. 

 

“Uh-huh,” Ethan said again, digging in the bag which was indeed, very glittery. “Look!” 

 

Adam took the slightly soggy, glitter dripping, piece of card thrust as him, and felt as if he’d just been doused in boiling water and he had no idea how to handle it. 

 

‘HAP PEE FDAD’’’ S DAYE’ it read in bright purple felt, wobbly block letters. Ethan’s slow handwriting and careful spelling. 

 

‘LU OVE YUO FRUM eTHANN’. 

 

“Oh,” Adam said, “honey,” he attempted, “thank you,” he got out, swallowing back hard on the lump in his throat, on the noise attempting to get out of his lungs. “I love you too.” 

 

Ethan grinned at him, playful and happy and bouyant, and Adam felt like he was going to just collapse in on himself. He put the card away as carefully as his shaking hands allowed, re-shouldered the bag, and let Ethan climb back on his lap. 

 

“S’not dad is day t’day,” Ethan informed him, “bu’ we don’ have plays cool on sunsday, so we made ‘em t’day.” 

 

“Yeah,” Adam said wetly, “that’s cool, buddy.” 

 

“Chhaya sayes we could make BREK-fast in beds for our dads on sunsday, though,” Ethan continued, “so I could bring you bread in bed?” 

 

Adam didn’t have  _ enough _ to hold on anymore. He choked on the first sob, trying to keep it down, and Ethan looked at him in alarm. 

 

“Adad,” he said, “daddy?” 

 

“Oh God,” Adam gasped, is so scared suddenly of scaring Ethan, so held him closer, shifting him up so he was leaning against Adam’s aching shoulders. “I’m ok, bud,” he said as he choked down the next sob swallowing it down hard and painful, “I’m ok.” 

 

Ethan whimpered a little by Adam’s ear, his deaf one, so it was a very faint faraway noise to his working ear, and Adam held on to him a little tighter, rocking him in his arms. 

 

“Honey,” he said, “it’s ok.” 

 

The bus was due. It’d be here any moment. 

 

“Y’cryin’,” Ethan protested, noisily upset by this, “why?” 

 

Adam stood up, holding onto Ethan with the one arm tight around his waist while he dug in his pocket for his bus pass, moved to stand to wave the bus down as it appeared. 

 

“I’m  not,” he tried, cleared his throat. “I’m not, honey.” 

 

Now Ethan started crying. Oh God. 

 

The bus stopped at the stop, the door opened, the bus driver looked down in consternation at Adam with his wet face and Ethan clinging to him crying. 

 

“Sorry,” Adam mumbled, beeping himself on as he struggled up the short stairs onto the bus. She waved him down and waited until he had stumbled to a seat before starting again. 

 

Once seated, Ethan wriggled his way around so he could see Adam’s face, and his crying resumed with fresh gusto. 

 

“Y’are cryin’!” Ethan wailed, reaching with one grubby hand to press his fingers to just under Adam’s eye, where fresh tears were pooling. 

 

Adam did his very level best to ignore the looks he knew he was receiving. Hoped no one would attempt to be a good samaritan and try to help out. If he was going to cry on public transport, he would at least like to do it while being ignored, thank you very much. 

 

Ethan wailed a few more questions about Adam’s reasons for crying, but due to his own crying the questions were altogether indecipherable, so Adam stuck with cuddling Ethan and attempting to convince him that everything was ok. 

 

Because. Everything was ok, right? He was being stupid, and overemotional, and there was no good excuse for him to be having a full on break down in the middle of the day in the middle of the city. Especially when he’d only just had a mini break down the other day. At least Ronan had been the only witness to that one. 

 

-

 

They got off at their stop, Adam having managed to at least halt his own crying, Ethan still wailing nonsense and needing to be soothed. His bus driver, nodded her support to him, someone else steadied him and re-adjusted his bag.

 

They walked the half block remaining. Adam considered texting Ronan here, but, he didn’t think he had the emotional capacity currently to use any fine motor skills, which, might sound stupid, but… but he had fucking fibromyalgia, alright? Instead, he wiped his face with his sleeve, and pushed the door open, and hoped that no one would be pissed off at him for bringing a sobbing pre-schooler into a tattoo studio. 

 

Ronan was the first to react. He was sitting on a stool by a tattooing chair, wiping someones arm down, and he looked up, and then leaned into the woman he was wiping down, said something Adam couldn’t hear, and was in front of Adam far quicker than Adam could track in his current state. He blearily knew that there was someone else behind the counter, that there were a couple of other people in the main room, but Ronan’s hand on his cheek was all he could pay attention to. 

 

“Adam,” Ronan was saying, “hey, hey, shh, sh, what’s happened?” 

 

Adam shook his head. He couldn’t speak here, couldn’t say anything more in front of so many people because if he did, he would just start sobbing again and how stupid was that. He kept shaking his head, and Ronan nodded. 

 

“Ok,” he said, “let’s go to a private room, c’mon, babe. Just this way.” 

 

Ronan led him across the room, careful and quiet, shut a door behind them, helped Adam sit down in a chair he hadn’t noticed until Ronan was ushering him into it, and took Ethan from his arms. 

 

“Breathe, baby,” Ronan said, his voice solid and grounding against the static that was Adam’s mind,  his body, his breath. “I’ve got you.” 

 

Ronan was crouching in front of him, Ethan clasped to his chest, his hand against Adam’s chest, and then fumbling for Adam’s hand, dragging it to rest against the side of his chest that Ethan wasn’t on. 

 

“Breathe with me,” Ronan instructed clearly, he took a large breath which Adam could feel expanding his lungs beneath Adam’s hand. “Breathe in babe.” 

 

Adam breathed in. Ronan breathed out. Adam breathed out. Ronan breathed in. Adam breathed in. Ethan sniffled in the loud silence. Adam kept breathing, kept blinking tears out of his lashes, kept matching his breathing to Ronan’s, closed his eyes. 

 

“Ok,” Ronan said, “you’re doing great, Adam,” he said.

 

Adam did not feel like he was doing great. Ronan helped him shrug Ethan’s backpack off, his shoulder bag off, his jacket off. Said something about being right back, was gone. 

 

Adam sat alone in the room, pressed his hands against his eyes, his fingers cold on his tear flushed face. God he was such a fucking idiot. How long had he been dating Ronan for? How often could he do this in front of Ronan before Ronan decided he was better off without Adam? How long could Adam  _ manage _ \- 

 

“Hey,” Ronan was back, was shuffling Adam over slightly on the chair which was actually, on closer inspection, a couch so he could sit next to him, put his arms around him. “C’mere.” 

 

Adam went. Pressed his face in against Ronan’s neck, breathed stuffily against his skin, relaxed more and more as Ronan first wrapped his arms around Adam, and then as Ronan pressed kiss after kiss to Adam’s head. 

 

“D’you wanna tell me what happened?” Ronan asked, after what seemed like centuries (and yet not long enough) of Adam finishing his crying jag and just breathing in Ronan carefully. 

 

He smelled a bit like antiseptic, a bit like salt, mostly like the shaving cream/cologne Adam knew he used. It was all he ever wanted to smell. 

 

“It’s stupid,” Adam sighed, “you’ll think I’m an idiot.” 

 

“I think everyone is an idiot,” Ronan said, “you’re not exempt.” 

 

“You’ll think I’m  _ dumb _ ,” Adam adjusted, “pathetic.” 

 

Ronan sighed as well. “I honestly don’t think I could,” he said firmly, letting Adam continue to hide against him. “Maybe I won’t understand it properly, but I couldn’t think of you dumb or parthetic. You’re the least pathetic person I know.” 

 

“I’m sorry,” Adam tried then, “I know I shouldn’t have come to your work. I just -” 

 

“Parrish,” Ronan interrupted, “if you felt like you  _ needed _ me, if you needed comfort, or anything, even if it was just because you’d had a bad day and stubbed your motherfucking toe? You can come to me wherever. I don’t care if I’m at work. If you  _ want _ me, you can come to me. Ok?” 

 

Unfathomable. 

 

“I went to the doctor,” Adam whispered. “I did some research, and I went to the doctor, and I -” it was so stupid. “She agrees that I have fibromyalgia.” 

 

“Oh,” Ronan said. He didn’t say it like ‘oh’, he said it like ‘ _ oh _ ’. “Adam.” 

 

“I know I shouldn’t be so upset,” Adam stumbled, “but I just - it doesn’t  _ change _ anything but I -” 

 

“I get it,” Ronan said, “it’s ok to be upset about this, Parrish. Anyone would be upset about it. It’s a big thing to be told.” 

 

“I’m not sure if I’m  _ relieved _ ,” Adam shook his head, “that I have a reason for feeling so - so - so goddamned awful always, or if I’m just - if I just feel more of a failure for having another thing  _ wrong _ with me.” 

 

“It’s hard,” Ronan offered, lifted his hand to cup the back of Adam’s head, rubbing comfortingly. “I’m sorry.” 

 

“And what if I - what if someone sees that I’m - that I have this … this issue and thinks I shouldn’t be allowed Ethan? What if he has it too? What if I’m going to fuck up and Ethan gets taken away? I’ve already fallen asleep while I was supposed to be watching him - what if I do that somewhere else -” 

 

“Adam,” Ronan shifted the both of them firmly so that Adam had to look at him. “That’s not going to happen. I promise. If anyone even thinks about taking Ethan away from you, I will fight it, ok? You’re not alone. You’re not doing this shit by yourself, ok?”

 

Ronan’s face was absolutely earnest. After knowing Ronan for the months he had, he had seen Ronan’s face mostly taken up with sarcasm, or glee, some dark humour. But also, so often with this earnest expression. Like he needed to fully impart how truthful he was about all of this. It was terrifying to look at, but Adam did appreciate it. He nodded. 

 

“And,” he mumbled, reached over, straining to be able to stay entirely in Ronan’s arms while he unzipped Ethan’s backpack. “This.” 

 

He handed Ronan Ethan’s card. Ronan took it, confusion evident on his face at first, and then quickly melting into understanding. He looked at it for a few moments more, and then put it gently aside and reached for Adam again, drawing him close and pressing a kiss to his cheek. 

 

“I get it,” he said. 

 

“I’m scared,” Adam confessed. 

 

“You don’t have to accept this if you don’t want to,” Ronan said, “I know that’s hard as well, but if you hate it, you don’t have to be his ‘dad’.” 

 

Adam shook his head. “I do want that,” he said. “It scares the hell out of me but I do want it.” 

 

“Ok,” Ronan kissed him again. “Just because you want it too doesn’t mean it’s easy. It’s ok to struggle with this. I - I struggle with father’s day too. Though it’s different for me. Just. You’re not alone in feeling… torn up about this.” 

 

Adam sniffed. He had forgotten, like the horrifyingly inept boyfriend he was, that of course Ronan would have trouble with this too. His father had been  _ murdered _ . 

 

“I’m sorry,” Adam began, but Ronan cut him off quickly with a kiss before pulling pulling back and speaking. 

 

“Don’t,” he said, “we’re not competing with our various tragedies, got it?” 

 

“Ok.” 

 

“Stay with us on the weekend,” Ronan said, “we’ll do father’s day together.” 

 

“Ok.” 

 

“We’ll work out what the next steps are for your pain together, ok?” 

 

“Ok.” 

 

“Adam.” 

 

“Sorry,” Adam wiped his face with his sleeve, leaned in closer against Ronan. “God. Thank you.” 

 

“It’s Ronan,” Ronan said, irreverant. 

 

Adam pinched him, and Ronan yelped in mock outrage, then softened again as Adam leaned in to kiss him. 

 

“Thank you,” he repeated, “honestly. I - I don’t know what I would have done if - well,” he paused to laugh, self deprecating, “I do know what I would have done if you weren’t in my life. I would have gone home and just… disassociated until I had to go to work, and I would have been mentally absent until I managed to wrap my head around everything, and Ethan would be upset the whole time, and -” 

 

“But,” Ronan cut in, “I’m here, so we don’t need to go down that rabbit hole, yeah?” 

 

“Yeah.” 

 

“And,” Ronan continued, “I am happy I’m in your life. Even for -  _ especially for  _ things like this.” 

 

“God,” Adam grumbled, “you’re so soppy.” 

 

“Yeah,” Ronan agreed, “I’ve been studying up on soppiness. It’s useful. I love you.” 

 

“I love you too,” Adam mumbled back, still felt odd feeling those words come out for someone other than Ethan. “So much.” 

 

“So,” Ronan said, cupping Adam’s face tenderly with one hand, “I was going to go to Gansey’s after I finished that tattoo I was just wiping down when you got here.” 

 

“Oh,” Adam said, “sorry.” 

 

“Come with me,” Ronan said, shaking his head. “I was finished with the tattoo, man, I was just cleaning it. Jianne took care of the clean up. You’re good. Come with me to Gansey and Blue’s place. I think Opal and Ethan would get along really well, and Gansey has been bugging me to death about meeting you. And Blue has too.” 

 

“Um,” Adam said. Felt like he really ought to point out how terrible he probably looked. 

 

“We’ll drop by mine first,” Ronan continued, “get cleaned up a bit, then go over. You have work tonight, yeah?” 

 

“Yeah.” 

 

“So we’ll have dinner with them, then I’ll take you to work, pick you up on my way back from their place. Take you back to mine or yours. Whatever you want.” 

 

“Yours,” Adam said. 

 

Ronan looked far too pleased. 

 

-

 

They collected Darcy and Ethan from another room in which they were cocooned in beanbags and watching something Ronan mumbled was called ‘veggietales’. Ronan finalised a few things at the counter, and then they all left. 

 

Back at Ronan’s flat, Adam cleaned Ethan up a little in the bathroom while Ronan and Darcy were in the kitchen. 

 

“Hey, buddy,” Adam said, hoisting Ethan onto the counter so he could see him properly while wiping the snot off of his face without having to risk getting stuck crouching down with his shoddy knees. “How’re you feeling?” 

 

“Betterer,” Ethan said. 

 

“I’m sorry I scared you,” Adam said, rinsed the flannel in warm water and went in for a second round. “I was having a hard day and I was just really sad.” 

 

Ethan looked like he might start crying again at this news. His face wobbled. 

 

“But,” Adam said brightly, leaning down to press a kiss to Ethan’s freshly clean cheek, “I feel much better now too!” 

 

Ethan sniffed, nodded, then, “y’didn’ like th’ card?” 

 

“Oh buddy,” Adam said, his stomach twisting uncomfortably, “no. I loved the card! I love you. You’re my honey baby, right?” 

 

Ethan sniffed a little more, leaned forwards to fall against Adam’s shoulder. “Yeah,” he mumbled, “I’m y’r honey baby.” 

 

“If you want me to be your dad,” Adam said, as soft and level as he could, “then I’m your dad. Ok?” 

 

“Y’r my dad,” Ethan said into Adam’s hair, “an’ I’m y’r baby.” 

 

“Yeah,” Adam nodded, dropped the flannel into the sink and lifted Ethan clean off the counter to hold him properly. “I’m your dad. Ok?” 

 

Ethan nodded enthusiastically. 

 

“I love the card you made me,” Adam continued, “and I think breakfast in bed might be nice. I think we might be here with Ronan and Darcy though, so we’ll see, ok?” 

 

“Ok,” Ethan said. 

 

-

 

Once Adam had also cleaned up a little, and borrowed a clean (not tear and snot covered) shirt from Ronan (and also a jumper because he was chilly), they all piled into Ronan’s car, and took off to Gansey and Blue’s place. 

 

-

 

They parked in front of a small house in an unassuming neighbourhood not too far from either the university or from Ronan’s house. 

 

There was a scruffy but beautiful flower garden out front, and Ronan had mentioned a swingset so there had to have been a backyard as well. As they climbed out of the car, Adam noticed a pair of wide eyes watching them from behind the open curtains in the nearest window. He assumed it was Opal, or a large cat. 

 

Adam had Ethan on his hip, but Darcy tottered confidently over to the door while Ronan was still busy with the car, and knocked loudly with his tiny fist. 

 

A woman, very short, opened the door. Blue Sargant, Adam recognised her from university, though they’d never had occasion to actually talk. She was as scruffy and beautiful as her garden, and she wore massive dangling blue butterflies in her ears, as well as an enormously patchworked pair of overalls. 

 

“Adam!” She greeted him, as if they were old friends, “I’m so glad you came.” 

 

“Sorry for the short notice,” Adam mumbled, tried to offer one of his hands for shaking. 

 

“No,” Blue said, pulled him down for a quick hug, “we’ve been wanting Ronan to bring you around, so this is perfect. Plus there’s plenty of food, so don’t worry about that.” 

 

Adam attempted to swallow his worry about that. 

 

“Lynch!” Blue called, leaning down to scoop up Darcy, who had coiled herself around Blue’s legs and sat down on one socked foot, “Hurry up! Gans misses you something stupid.” She grinned at Adam again and nodded her head towards the house. “C’mon, come in.” 

 

Adam glanced back at Ronan, relieved to see him finally coming over, and hovered in the doorway until Ronan caught up with him, placed his hand on Adam’s lower back, and they went in together. 

 

The inside of the house was… Adam wanted to say overwhelming, but he didn’t feel overwhelmed. It was chaotic in colour and design but it was somehow comfortingly homely. There were scrubby flowering plants everywhere, and topply bookshelves stuffen to the gunnels with books of all sizes, and art everywhere - Adam recognised some of Ronan’s pieces. 

 

Blue called back to them from further in the house, having somehow disappeared from sight while Adam lingered to take in the house. 

 

“Drinks?” She called, “I’m making some sangria. There’s also juice, herbal tea, medicinal tea, hot chocolate, cold chocolate, ice tea, water, coffee -” 

 

Ronan led Adam further inside, out of the chaotic entrance/hallway and into a large room with a kitchen counter cutting it into two. The half they’d walked into was obviously a lounge/dining room, and the other half was the kitchen in which Blue was standing in. There was a glass door behind her, leading out into the backyard where Adam could see an enormous citrus tree. Evidence of the citrus tree was all over the counter, squeezed orange halves and pulp. Darcy already had an orange segment in her mouth, grinning with orange peel teeth. 

 

“I’ll have a sangria,” Ronan said easily, “Parrish?” 

 

“Uh,” Adam said, “yeah, I’ll have one too.” 

 

“Blue” Ronan said, “because you didn’t actually leave me any chance to introduce you two,  _ this _ is Adam Parrish, my wonderful boyfriend.” 

 

“Thank you,” Blue said tartly, though she was grinning. 

 

“And, Adam,” Ronan continued, looping his arm around Ronan’s waist, “this is my insufferable friend, Blue Sargant. AND, Ethan, baby, this is Darcy’s fairy godmother, Blue. Blue, this is Adam’s lovely brother Ethan.” 

 

“I’m his loveler baby,” Ethan corrected, “he’s m’daddy.” 

 

“It’s lovely to meet you, Ethan, Adam’s baby,” Blue said seriously. She leaned over the counter and extended a hand absolutely covered with rings. “Would you like an orange slice?”

 

Ethan shook Blue’s hand enthusiastically, and with just as much enthusiasm voiced his need for orange slices. 

 

Adam released him, and he scurried around into the kitchen half of the room where Blue put Darcy down as well, and handed Ethan a slice of orange. 

 

“I’m going to cut some more up,” she said, “and then you two and Opal can share a plate out in the garden?” 

 

“Where is Opal?” Ronan asked, looking around as he did, “She hiding?” 

 

“No,” said a firm yet quiet voice from the doorway where they’d entered through, “just watching.” 

 

“Opal,” Ronan said, grinned, “how’re you doing, brat face?” 

 

Blue was rolling her eyes when Adam glanced at her to make sure Ronan wasn’t out of line. 

 

“Stink man,” Opal shot back, also grinning, “come look at my drawings.” 

 

She took Ronan by the hand, and Ronan with his hand still on Adam’s hip, dragged Adam with them as Opal led through into the kitchen area as well to look at the pieces of paper stuck with magnets onto the fridge. 

 

Ethan and Darcy were sitting cross legged on the floor, already looking sticky.  

 

“Wa-lah,” Opal said proudly, waving at the pictures. 

 

The pictures were… interesting. They depicted a child labeled as ‘OPAL’ with hooves. In one picture OPAL was standing on top of a tree, a bird in each hand. In another, she was standing in front of a crudely drawn house, holding hands with a butterfly labeled ‘MUM’ and a pair of glasses labeled ‘DAD’. 

 

“Beautiful,” Ronan said fondly, “you should come work for me in my studio.” 

 

“Pay me lotsa money,” Opal said, “and maybe I’ll do one art for you.” 

 

“Opal,” Blue said, “do you wanna take Ethan and Darcy outside? I’ve got some orange slices for you.” 

 

Opal swiveled on her not hoofed feet, “I’ll show them the snails,” she said, then to the kids, “c’mon! Snails and oranges!’ 

 

Ethan was as enthused about the snails as he had been about oranges, and once Opal had been carefully handed the plate of orange slices, she led Ethan and Darcy out through the glass door into the backyard. 

 

Blue handed Adam, and then Ronan, a tall glass of Sangria each, and then nodded to the lounge half of the room. 

 

Just as they sat, Gansey came toppling into the room as well, through the same door as Opal. 

 

“Hello!” He said breathlessly, making his way across the room with a wide smile, “Sorry. I was just putting the rest of my thought own before I forgot it! Ronan! It’s been forever!” 

 

Ronan rolled his eyes, but he handed his sangria to Adam and stood up so that Gansey could engulf him in a full bodied hug. 

 

“It’s been a couple of weeks,” Ronan said, “that’s all.” 

 

“Forever,” Gansey repeated mournfully, “hearing your voice on the phone isn’t enough.” 

 

“Enough dramatics,” Ronan said, though he was hugging Gansey back as much as Gansey was hugging him, “say hello to Adam.” 

 

Gansey released Ronan after another quick squeeze, and turned to smile at Adam. 

 

“Hello,” he said, “sorry for the dramatic entrance. Ronan has half my brain cells and I miss them when he’s not around.” 

 

“I have the other half of them,” Blue said driley, settling onto the couch with them next to Ronan and giving him a quick hug as well. “He lives a very hard life.” 

 

“Oh,” Gansey said, “don’t be rude.” 

 

“Good to see you, Gansey,” Adam said. 

 

Gansey beamed at him, and then sat down, also on the couch, squishing the four of them together in a much more intimate way than Adam had been expecting this evening to be. He should have known from experiencing Ronan that Ronan’s friends would be cuddlers. 

 

“Ronan tells me that you’ve met with Marianne and she was very good,” Gansey said then, “I’m so pleased.” 

 

“Ah,” Adam said, “yes. She was very thorough. Thank you again for the connection.” 

 

Gansey waved this away. “Oh,” he said, “has Blue shown you her latest sculptures?” 

 

“Gans,” Blue said, rolling her eyes. 

 

“She has not!” Ronan said, he squeezed his arm in around the back of the couch to wrap back around Adam’s waist. “She’s amazing,” he said to Adam, “she’s been working on this series of faun creatures for Opal.” 

 

“I am married to an incredible creature,” Gansey said, sounding very pleased. “Can we see them, darling?” 

 

“Oh pish,” Blue snorted, pushed herself up out of her wedged in position and made to leave the room. “Hang on, then.” 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My own diagnosis of fibro was very different to Adam's -although I have known people who've walked in and immediately got their diagnosis. I started looking for an answer for my constant pain and fatigue at 16, and while being diagnosed with OTHER chronic illnesses that I also have, I received a lot of terrible medical advice.   
> At 16 my doctor, in response to hearing about how tired and in pain I was, told me to lose weight and excercise more because nothing was wrong with me.   
> At 19 my doctor refused to believe that I didn't drink heavily and that my pain was something over than liver failure of all things. Also lose weight,  
> At 21 my doctor told me they just didn't know what was wrong with me. But I could lose some weight  
> At 23 my doctor told me there was no way I had fibro because I could excercise. But maybe I should lose some weight??  
> I didn't get a diagnosis of my fibro until late last year. I've been living with it for most of my life, but it's been misdiagnosed, belittled, and ignored for the majority of the time I've had it. It was a constant struggle with finding the right doctor, with communicating my own pain, with keeping trying to find an answer, and I'm so glad that I KNOW what it is now, but that doesn't change the fact that I had to spend so much energy getting this diagnosis and yet have to settle for the fact that I have to live with it for the rest of my life as well as with a good handful of other chronic illnesses.   
> The health system is terrifyingly shitty for people with invisible illnesses (particlarly for poc, women, queer people, fat people, etc), and there are few answers to a lot of invisible illnesses because of that.   
> I could go on and on about this, but I'm aware this is becoming too much of a ranty essay. So. I'll leave y'all with this. 
> 
> Don't give up on your diagnosis, you're the one who knows your body best.   
> Don't speak over the voices of those in pain.


	11. Chapter 11

After dinner at Blue and Gansey’s, after work, after Ronan had come to pick him up with two sleeping kids in his backseat, after they’d put the kids to bed, after Adam had showered and Ronan had pulled him down into the mattress with him - 

 

He felt. Good. He told Ronan as much. 

 

“Yeah you do,” Ronan replied sleepily, his hands pressing firmly one against Adam’s stomach, the other against his ass. 

 

Adam didn’t shift his hands, but did adjust his statement. “I mean,” he said, hushed, “I still don’t feel great about the whole… about the whole having a chronic illness in which the recovery is only a maybe, but I - I feel surprisingly good about everything else.” 

 

“Yeah?” Ronan opened his eyes, blinked to bring Adam (barely an inch away) into focus. 

 

“I guess things aren’t so… things are easier to handle when I’m… with you.” 

 

Ronan blinked at him. He looked unbearably smug. Adam wanted to kiss the look right off of his face.

 

“Sounds like you’ve been taking soppiness classes too,” Ronan said, and Adam rolled his eyes but grinned. 

 

“What can I say?” he said, “I like to know my shit.” 

 

-

 

His lawyer - Marianne - got in touch with him the following day. She’d set up the appointments for him, and she ran him through what she’d done already, and checked some details with him. Adam had expected this whole… lawyerly process to go a lot slower, had been expecting to have to hop right into the fire before he could get off the stove top completely, but this was insanely speedy. So insanely speedy that the appointments were for that afternoon. 

 

Luckily for him, they fit around(ish) his shifts, and Ronan came to pick him up from work with Ethan and Darcy in the backseat (Opal’s booster seat had been returned to Gansey, and yet somehow Ronan had managed to produce a new one from his boot (it also  _ somehow _ came with a side saddle booster for Dime???) in which Ethan was ensconced). Together they drove to the clinic. If Ronan had been anyone else, Adam would have expected him to not come in, to say he’d drive to the park, to say to text when he was done. Ronan was Ronan, though, and got out of the car with him, and unbuckled Darcy while Adam assisted Ethan and Dime, and walked through the doors with them, one hand in Darcy’s the other in Adam’s. 

 

Adam kind of wished that Ronan could come in with him for the scans, but he knew that was… needy, or pathetic or something. Plus, if Ronan came in, Darcy and Ethan would have to as well and that would be too much. So, Ronan stayed in the waiting room with Darcy and Ethan and the basket of kids toys and books, and Adam went in to get a million weird little scans taken. 

 

Again, he had expected the results of his scans to take a long time to produce, but, by the time they finished with the actual taking of them, they already had images on the screen. 

 

“There,” the technician said, pointing at the image that Adam supposed was his leg. “Badly healed break. Do you remember when abouts that was?” 

 

“Oh,” Adam said, glad now that Ronan was out of the room, “I was twelve.” 

 

-

  
  


Adam, obviously, goes in with Ethan for his check up, leaving Ronan and Darcy in the waiting room. This appointment is a lot smoother than his one by all accounts. 

 

Ethan has always been ok with strangers, has always been more open than Adam ever has, isn’t anxious about sitting on Adam’s knee to have his heartbeat listened to, or to stand on scales and see how much he weighs. 

 

Adam has enough anxiety about this for the both of them. 

 

“Ethan is perfectly healthy,” the nurse tells them once Ethan’s jumper is back on and he’s back on Adam’s knee. “He’s not as big as we usually expect children of his age to be, but he’s not underweight, or weak, and he’s very bright.” 

 

“Adad says I’m the cleverest honey he knows!” Ethan chimed in here. 

 

The nurse smiles at him, then at Adam, and continued. “He appears perfectly normal, which is quite a feat for any child with a disrupted childhood.” 

 

Adam nodded, squeezed Ethan. “Thank you, sir.” 

 

-

 

They go back to Ronan’s, eat an early dinner. Ethan filled Darcy in on his adventure, Adam filled Ronan in on all the details, fell asleep against Ronan’s shoulder on the couch. 

 

When he woke up, he found he was - quite miraculously - tucked up in bed with Ronan. He wasn’t sure what time it was, if it was late or early, or somewhere in the middle, but the room was dim and Ronan was talking in a hushed voice with Darcy. Or - no - Darcy and Ethan. 

 

“Bad dream,” Darcy said in her small solemn voice. 

 

“Oh?” Ronan asked. 

 

“Yeah,” Ethan replied, sniffed loudly. 

 

Adam should probably sit up here and give a hand, but… 

 

“Climb up here,” Ronan said, “the both of you, c’mere babies. You can sleep with us tonight.” 

 

There was a general clamour of joy, and then the bed juddering slightly with two small bodies climbing onto it. Ronan moving next to him, shifting in the blankets as he hoisted the kids up onto his lap and in under the blanket with him. 

 

“Wanna talk about it, bud?” Ronan asked. 

 

Squinting through his lashes, Adam could see Ronan, propped up on his back, a child in each arm. Ethan curled up in the arm closest to Adam, but seeming perfectly content to be comforted by Ronan, despite the tear tracks on his face. 

 

“Mm,” Ethan mumbled, wiped at his face ineffectively. Darcy reached over and assisted in the tear wiping with around about the same degree of effectiveness. “He’s m’daddy,” Ethan said, pointing vaguely in Adam’s direction. “Bu’ HIS dad’s scary an’ I - I - he makes ‘im cry an’, an’ makes me cry, an’ - yeah. That is was is my dream.” 

 

“Oh, buddy,” Ronan murmured, pressed a kiss to Ethan’s forehead, “that is a really scary dream. But you know what?” 

 

“Mm?” 

 

“You’re safe here. With your daddy. With your daddy and me. And your daddy is safe here too. Adam’s safe here with us, isn’t he?” 

 

“Yeh,” Darcy said. 

 

“Yeah,” Ethan agreed, then, “oh. We live here?” 

 

“Um,” Ronan said, “This is my house, yeah, bud.” 

 

“Mine too?” Ethan asked. 

 

“Yeh,” Darcy said firmly, “you’n Am sleep’ere.” 

 

Ronan kissed Ethan again, then tilted his head the other way and kissed Darcy’s forehead. 

 

“This can be your home too, yeah,” Ronan said, “if you want that.” 

 

“Ok,” Ethan said, rubbed his face against Ronan’s shoulder, probably smearing some snot on Ronan’s shirt. “‘M’sleepy.” 

 

“Go to sleep, then,” Ronan snorted, shuffled both the kids in his arms until he could shift them further down into the bed. “You’re safe here. We’re all here together.” 

 

On one hand, Adam was very glad he had woken up to hear this. To hear Ethan being soothed and cared for and…  _ loved _ . On the other hand, he had pretended to be asleep for the whole thing and now he felt it would be rude to open his eyes and say to Ronan that he had heard the whole thing and that he loved him very much. Maybe something about how he appreciated what he’d said to Ethan but it just wasn’t… it wasn’t  _ their _ house as well.

 

He kept his eyes closed, his breathing as even as possible. Listened to Ethan’s snuffling shifting from awake to asleep to snoring, jumped half out of his skin when Ronan spoke again. 

 

“I know you’re awake, Adam,” he said. 

 

Adam, guiltily, opened his eyes. “I -” he said. 

 

Ronan was still on his back, his arms weighed down by the tiny sleepers, a smile on his face. “I hope I wasn’t out of line,” he said. 

 

The thing was. The thing was. 

 

“You weren’t,” Adam replied, knowing it to be true. He rolled onto his side so that Ethan was pressed against his stomach and ribs, so that if he leaned forwards he could rest his forrid to Ronan’s shoulder. “Ronan.” 

 

“Hm?” 

 

“Did you carry me to bed?” Adam asked, which wasn’t what he had been going to say. 

 

Ronan snorted. “Yeah,” he said, “tucked you in too.” 

 

“Thank you,” Adam said, meant it. “I - listen.” 

 

Ronan looked vaguely bemused, but tipped his head further to the side, and stayed quiet, listening. 

 

“I have… I have no clue how I could… I don’t know how I love you so easily - God. Ignore all of that. Let me try again.” 

 

Ronan stayed silent, Adam continued. 

 

“I never expected to be able to be in love so quickly,” he said slowly, “I - I - Oh God, I should have thought about this before I tried to say it.” 

 

“It’s ok,” Ronan snorted, “take your time.” 

 

Adam considered. While he considered, Ronan shifted. He released his left arm from Ethan’s head, scooped Darcy up, rolled, lay Darcy back down - still dead to the world - next to Ethan, and lay on his side facing Adam. He reached out, over the kids, took Adam’s hand from where it was curled in against his chest, and brought it to his lips. 

 

“I love you more than I loved you yesterday,” Adam said finally, watching Ronan kiss his finger tips, knuckles, palm. “And yesterday I loved you more than I did the day before. And the day before I loved you more than I did the day before that, and so. And - and I never thought I’d be  _ in _ love. I never considered the option of being able to have that. And you give me your love so freely - it’s - it’s unfathomable.”

 

Ronan looked at him, his eyes dark in the shadow of the room, his face soft with emotions that Adam knew were simply a reflection of his own. 

 

“I mean it, you know,” Ronan said quietly. “Everything I said to Ethan. It applies to you too. I love you, I want you here with me. I want the both of you here.” 

 

“I know.” 

 

“I don’t wanna be your white knight,” Ronan mumbled, “I mean, gotta be white for that, but I  _ mean _ ; I wanna be your support, not like, a main beam that you  _ need _ to keep the roof on, but like -” 

 

“Ronan,” Adam snorted, wriggled his hand out of Ronan’s so he could cup Ronan’s face with it instead, his fingers scraping over night time stubble. “I understand. Thank you, for your extended metaphor. And thank you, for your support.” 

 

-

 

When Adam woke up again, after falling back to sleep feeling very mushy and  _ known _ and full, it was to an empty bed and sunlight. He half pushed himself up on his elbow, wincing as that tugged at all of his stupidly stiff muscles and ripped at his spine, and looked around slowly. 

 

It was just him in the room, but he could hear muffled voices through the house. He would have gotten out of bed then, but Ronan suddenly appeared in the doorway. 

 

“Oh good,” he said, “you’re awake.” 

 

“W’s’goin’ on?” Adam slurred, rubbing one eye at a time to try and un-blur them. 

 

“I take back the part about you being awake, I guess,” Ronan snorted. He climbed back onto the bed, crawling over to Adam and then shimmying his way under the blankets. “Happy father’s day, baby.” 

 

_ Oh _ . 

 

“Oh,” Adam said, suddenly a lot more awake, “I forgot!” 

 

“It’s been a hectic weekend,” Ronan agreed, leaned in to get a quick kiss. “The kids are bringing us breakfast in bed.” 

 

“Oh,” Adam said, “Ronan. Did you cook?” 

 

“Yep,” Ronan laughed, “I love those two rascals but I don’t want to have to eat whatever they’d make for us. Plus I wanted your first father’s day to be actually nice.” 

 

Adam closed his eyes, leaned against Ronan’s side. 

 

“Thank you,” he said. 

 

“Y’all readier now?!” Ethan yelled from outside the door, “Got food!” 

 

“We’re ready now, bud,” Ronan hollered back, “c’mon in!” 

 

The ajar door was pushed open, and Ethan and Darcy shuffled in pulling a toy cart laden with food behind them. Ridiculous. 


	12. Chapter 12

Before they had started dating (or, well, before Adam had figured out that they were dating), Adam had avoided  _ asking _ Ronan to look after Ethan, to do things for him, to step even a little out of his way. Once they’d kissed, confirmed, kissed more, Adam was a little ... _ easier _ . He asked Ronan to look after Ethan a bit more, relied less on Rosie. Now, he was asking even more which was one of the fucking best things Ronan could have asked for. 

 

Adam was often hard to read, harder to decipher, definitely not something he could write, so - so it was sometimes difficult to tell why Adam  _ did _ things, he just had to wait for Adam to tell him. Like why Adam had greenlit the kissing, the physical shit - because he hadn’t realised they were even dating, the absolute dummy. Adam asking more from him though, he was pretty sure that was simply because he felt  _ safe _ with him, was because Ronan loved him. 

 

He didn’t need Adam to tell him shit if he didn’t want to, he could take the time he needed to work his words enough if that was what he wanted. But he fucking loved it when Adam did tell him shit. When Adam asked for shit. 

 

So, he legitimately felt blessed that Adam had asked him to look after Ethan while he was at school. He loved it. He loved Ethan as well. 

 

Didn’t change the fact that currently he was chasing Darcy in one direction at the park before she could follow the duck right into the pond while also lugging a sniffling Ethan on his hip because Ethan had fallen over. 

 

None of this was bad, exactly (though Ethan might have something to say about how bad it was), but it was a little stressful when he was already running late for meeting up with Declan and Matthew for lunch. 

 

-

 

He had mentioned this to Adam, while Adam showered and Ronan assisted the kids in brushing their teeth. He’d said something like, ‘I’ve got lunch with my brothers today, thought I’d take the kids with?’ and Adam had replied in the affirmative, and then asked for a face cloth as he’d got shampoo in his eye. Adam was going to be busy over lunch, a fact they’d already discussed before getting out of bed that morning. He had classes, and then he had tutoring, and then he had a group meeting over lunch, and then he had classes, and then he had work, so. So Ronan was going to have the kids today, and he’d see Adam that evening when he picked Adam up from work and hopefully persuaded him to come back to his flat like he had every night that week so far. 

 

He liked having Adam stay with them, liked it too much, maybe. He liked knowing that Adam was… safe. Was eating. Was warm. He knew for a fact that no matter where Ethan was, so long as he was with Adam or someone Adam trusted, that Ethan would be safe, warm, and fed, but. But Adam just didn’t take the same care with himself as he took with Ethan. He didn’t say (not that he needed to) how little he ate, he certainly didn’t admit to skipping meals to take down grocery bills, to keep Ethan fed. But Ronan knew. 

 

He knew it in the same way that he knew Adam hadn’t slept soundly for far too long, in the same way he knew that Adam was in pain, in the same way he could read the stress in the hard line of his Adam’s forehead, his shoulders. 

 

Adam was odd around food. Not odd in a way that Ronan thought other people would notice if they only saw him every so often. Not odd enough that Ronan had noticed immediately. He hadn’t actually noticed until they were well into their second month of dating (pre Adam knowing they were). He always seemed… surprised that there was food. He never ate first. He never asked for it, never brought up his hunger, never asked for more. If Ronan were to ask Adam to grab him a biscuit, or a sandwich, or a cup of coffee from the kitchen, Adam would (so long as he wasn’t busy, in which case he’d raise his eyebrows at Ronan and say  _ I’m not your maid, Lynch _ ), but he’d never grab one for himself as well. However, despite the initial hesitation, once Adam had food, he ate it quickly, as if he were starved - which he might well be - and seemed… almost furtive. 

 

Ronan had been able to put a name to it. Once on the farm, they had taken in a litters worth of pups from the pound. Not puppies, the slightly awkward stage where they’d gotten big but still act silly, chaotic. None of them were from the same litter, but none of the Lynch’s had been able to just  _ leave _ the others there to an uncertain fate. Most of them were fine. Fine. Left at the pound because they were  _ too big _ , or their original owners were leaving, or whatever. One of them, Matthew had called her Puddleglum, one of them was not  _ fine _ . One of them had obviously come from a bad home, some place that didn’t feed her enough. She wouldn’t eat with the other dogs, too scared to push in among the other bodies to claim her bowl, but as soon as the bowls were left, she’d rush in and scarf down her portion in a frenzy. She’d often give herself stomachache from the speed in which she ate, the amount of air she gulped down with the food. His mother had called it a byproduct of food insecurity. She said it could be trained out of Puddleglum, with love, and food, and time. 

 

This was not something he was going to mention to Adam, especially because in this scenario Adam was Puddleglum, and Adam would hate that for a million reasons. Ronan wasn’t going to  _ train _ Adam. He wasn’t going to give him treats for feeling safe. For feeling stable. 

 

God. Anyway. 

 

-

 

He caught Darcy before she got into the pond, sat down with both the kids on the low wooden railing outside the park, put an unnecessary plaster (a Pikachu one) on Ethan’s knee so he’d feel better, strapped them both into their car seats, and driven to Declan’s where they were supposed to be having lunch. 

 

He hadn’t mentioned Adam to Declan yet, or Ethan for that matter, partially because he hadn’t wanted Declan to interfere, and partly because it was just funny - the idea of turning up at Declan’s with a whole new child. 

 

Declan answered the door, admonishment about Ronan being late already coming out of his mouth, and then just stopped speaking as he took in Ronan, a child on each hip, a shit eating grin on his face. 

 

“You adopted another kid,” Declan said flatly, “when did you - why didn’t you - Matthew!” This last part was directed in a shout down the hallway. 

 

“What?” Matthew yelled back. 

 

“Did Ronan tell you that we had a nephew?” Declan hollered, glaring balefully at Ronan over his shoulder. 

 

Ethan appeared confused about the kerfuffle, Darcy uninterested, the both of them content to just be snuggled up against Ronan’s shoulders for the time being. Matthew appeared behind Declan. 

 

“A new nephew?” Matthew repeated, his excitement palpable, “What! Ronan!” 

 

“No,” Ronan said finally, “I haven’t adopted another kid, Declan, shift so we can get inside.” 

 

Declan, as if on auto-pilot, stepped backwards, bumping into Matthew who in turn stepped backwards. Ronan stepped in, kicked the door shut behind him, and handed Darcy to Declan. 

 

“Hi honey,” Declan said to Darcy, who upon being transferred, simply yawned and rested her head on Declan’s shoulder instead. “Who’s this then?” 

 

“Ethan,” Ronan said, sniffed the air appreciatively, “my boyfriend’s kid. What’s for lunch? It smells great.” 

 

-

 

Lunch was chicken salad with fresh homemade bread,  _ three _ overly excited children making a mess, one extremely consternated brother, and Ronan. 

 

Matthew was ecstatic over the fact that Ronan had a boyfriend, that Ronan had a boyfriend with a kid to be friends with Darcy, that Ethan was here, that there was lunch, that the sky was blue, whatever. 

 

Declan was… Declan was suspicious. Which annoyed Ronan, but also… he kind of appreciated that. He knew he’d almost driven Declan completely away so, the fact that Declan  _ cared _ enough to be worried on his behalf was still a surprise and a blessing. 

 

“I’m just saying,” Declan whispered loudly under the cover of Matthew teaching the kids how to honk like insane geese. “That you’ve only just met this guy and now you’re - you’re like his babysitter.” 

 

“So?” Ronan shot back, glanced over to make sure Ethan was still comfortable with how loud Matthew was. “I’ve known him for months now. And I’m not  _ babysitting _ ,” he added, “I’m just looking after the kids. Adam does the same when I’m busy.” 

 

Declan opened his mouth and then, face twisting, closed it again. He looked like he’d just had a thought occur to him that he didn’t like. Or that he didn’t expect. 

 

“You think you two are going to get married,” Declan said, hushed, “Ronan. Look - I know you want -” 

 

“Stop,” Ronan hissed, his stomach cold. “Stop. Don’t - you don’t know anything about him and me, you don’t -” 

 

“I’m gonna show the kids your table tennis,” Matthew said, the honking apparently over with, “you guys good with the dishes? Cool!” 

 

He and the kids all scrambled off of their chairs, and all but scampered out of the room. 

 

“How old is he again?” Ronan snorted, nodding his head after the retreating footsteps, “Aren’t eighteen year olds supposed to be vaguely mature?” 

 

“Sure,” Declan said, “he’d have learned all that maturity from you, huh?” 

 

Ronan snorted again, reached for the coffee pot to refill his mug. 

 

“I’m serious, Ronan,” Declan said. He wasn’t whispering now and his voice was soft. Ronan hadn’t expected that. “I don’t want to see you getting hurt because you got too invested too quickly.” 

 

“Oh for God’s sake -” Ronan huffed, stopped himself to reign his harsh tongue in, took a sip of the coffee. “Adam’s not like that, Dec. He’s - he’s real.” 

 

“He’s real,” Declan repeated, unconvinced. 

 

“He’s so genuine,” Ronan mumbled, “I mean - God. He - he has so many secrets but -” 

 

“You’re not selling him,” Declan bit in. 

 

“Just listen,” Ronan said, “he’s the fucking best person I have ever met in my life. He is  _ genuine _ . He doesn’t want any fake shit. He works his ass off to be better than he was yesterday, to make a good life for Ethan, to make the world a fucking better place. He’s studying bio-med, Dec, because he wants to fucking help people. He’s had a fucking terrible life and he’s still so - so damn beautiful, and I love the fuck out of him.” 

 

“Huh,” Declan said. 

 

“I love him,” Ronan repeated, cleared his throat to try and keep himself at least vaguely steady, “and I trust him, and I don’t  _ expect _ to marry him. I’d like to marry him, sure, but I’m not doing what I’m doing because I expect this to end up in me being a house husband or something.” 

 

“Ok,” Declan held his hands up, he looked amused. “When’s he coming over, then?” 

 

Ronan shrugged, feeling very much like he’d definitely said far too much. 

 

“Has he met Gansey and Sargant?” Declan asked, “And Opal?” 

 

“Yup,” Ronan said, “they love him too, if that helps.” 

 

“It does, actually,” Declan snorted, “Richard may be a little insane, but he usually has better judgement than you.” 

 

“Rude.” 

 

“Truth.” 

 

-

 

“I’m buying pizza,” Adam told him, his voice tinny over the phone, “the parlour next to my work is giving me half price because I fixed their bosses tire. It was just a flat.” 

 

“Nice,” Ronan said, “It’s not just me who finds it sexy that you’re capable as all shit, huh?” 

 

Adam snorted loudly, in disbelief. “Oh stuff it,” he said, “nobody thinks that.” 

 

“Uh-uh,” Ronan replied, “dude,” he said, “babe. Seeing you work with your hands and get stuff done? Definitely one of the sexiest things I’ve ever seen.” 

 

Adam was quiet for a long while, just breathing into his phone. Ronan hoped he wasn’t wasting Adam’s minutes, or his break or whatever. 

 

“You really think its sexy?” Adam asked, finally breaking the static of the phone. 

 

“Uh,” Ronan rolled his eyes, “yeah, idiot.” 

 

“Huh,” Adam said, then, slower, “babe,” he said, “if you think that’s sexy, just wait til you see me workin’ with, uh, your tool.” 

 

Ronan’s ears burned, like the heartsick fool he was. “You trying to start something here, Parrish?” 

 

“You’ll know when I’m tryin’ to start somethin’,” Adam replied, “I’ve gotta go, my break’s up. See you in an hour?” 

 

-

 

“You should move in here,” Ronan said once they had eaten pizza, washed the kids, read them to semi-sleep, and tucked them in. “You and Ethan. Obviously there’s room.” 

 

Adam, stacking the dishwasher, didn’t reply at first. Ronan crossed the room to lean nervously against the counter. 

 

“It’s closer to the uni. And to a couple of your jobs.” 

 

Adam sighed, closed the dishwasher, turned to look at Ronan. 

 

“You’d pay rent,” Ronan tried, “I don’t take freeloaders.” 

 

“Lynch,” Adam said, Ronan shut up. “You remember how I didn’t realise we were dating until just recently?” Adam continued, “How in my head we only just started  _ this _ barely over a week ago.” 

 

“I know,” Ronan said, chastened, “I just -” 

 

“I want to,” Adam said, interrupting, “I want to move in here, with you and Darce. Have it be the four of us like a normal family. Like this. I do want to.” 

 

Ronan watched him, waiting while Adam swallowed down on words and thoughts he couldn’t seem to get out. 

 

“I can’t yet,” Adam said, “I’d feel like an idiot. Just jumping in. Plus I’ve got my lease on my flat.” 

 

“Ok,” Ronan said, “I get it.” 

 

“I want to,” Adam said again, as if he were worried that Ronan didn’t really get it. “I want to so much.” 

 

“Hey,” Ronan said, stepped forwards to bring their chests together, their hands together, their heads together. “Adam. I get it. I do.” 

 

“You gotta give me some more time,” Adam mumbled, letting himself be drawn into the embrace, resting his head heavy on Ronan’s shoulder. 

 

“You can have as much time as you need,” he wrapped his arms tightly around Adam’s waist, pressed his lips to the shell of Adam’s ear, to the side of his nape, to the edge of his jaw. “There’s no rush. We’ve got time.” 

 

Adam laughed then, or, something like a laugh. A breathy exhale maybe. Pressed his face in hard against Ronan’s neck, his lips moving against Ronan’s skin in a ticklish way as he spoke. 

 

“I’ve never had time,” he said, “everything’s all had a time limit.” 

 

“Not this,” Ronan replied, “not us.” 

 

Adam made the noise again, this time significantly less on the laugh side of things. His lips continued to move against Ronan’s neck though he wasn’t talking. 

 

“Declan and Matthew wanna meet you,” Ronan said then, “and my mum is gonna wanna meet you too.” 

 

“Ok,” Adam said, “I can do that.” 

 

“Hm,” Ronan kissed the curls behind Adam’s ear, a lone dark freckle there. 

 

“But right now,” Adam mumbled, “right now I wanna go to bed with you.” 

 

“Yeah,” Ronan said, kissed the curve of where Adam’s jaw met his earlobe, then kissed the earlobe too for good luck. “It’s been a long day, huh?” 

 

“Ronan,” Adam said, paused to kiss Ronan’s neck in a way that was almost more bite than kiss. “I’m not tired. I wanna go to bed. With you. And work on making me tired.” 

 

“Huh,” Ronan said, “ _ huh _ .” 

 

-

 

Ronan had always thought it would be kind of romantic for his first time  _ with _ someone to be something out of a fantasy. Carrying his lover into the bedroom, placing them on the blankets littered with roses. A fire going in the corner of the room. Soft music. No prep necessary. He was a romantic, he wasn’t going to deny that, but.

 

Adam was definitely more on the sensible kind and suggested they get ready for bed first. Shower, check on the kids, brush their teeth, etc, etc. Before Ronan gets into the shower, he steps in behind Adam at the sink brushing his teeth and kisses the back of his neck, his skin still pink from his own shower. 

 

“You wanna fuck me?” he asked, watched as Adam’s reflection pinkened further. 

 

“Do you want me to fuck you?” Adam asked back, not quite as put together as he was maybe aiming for, the toothpaste foam dribbling out the corner of his mouth didn’t help. 

 

“I want you to fuck me,” Ronan clarified, shifted his original question. “Will you fuck me?” 

 

Adam’s reflection didn’t pinken again, but it did turn to look at Ronan. 

 

“It’d be your first time, right?” he asked, his voice heavy and serious. 

 

“Yeah,” Ronan shrugged, “first time with somebody attached to the dick, at least.” 

 

Adam frowned, and then realisation cleared his expression tidily away. 

 

“I know what to expect,” Ronan mumbled, closed his eyes as Adam leaned in to kiss him lightly, “and I want it with you.” 

 

“Ok,” Adam said, kissed him a lot less lightly, “yeah. I’ll fuck you.” 

 

“You could sound a bit more excited about it,” Ronan teased, and Adam kissed him again before replying. 

 

“Hurry up with your shower and I’ll show you excited,” he promised, kissed Ronan one more time, and then left for the bedroom. 

 

-

 

Ronan usually left his bedroom door ajar, seeing as Darcy - though very clever - wasn’t quite tall enough to open it by herself. He closed it as he came in now. Closed it and almost slammed it when he realised that Adam was sitting naked at the foot of the bed, chewing on his thumb nail and looking like one of Ronan’s dreams made physical. 

 

“Jesus,” Ronan hissed, leaned against the shut door and let his eyes travel over Adam’s body. 

 

He’d seen Adam naked before, sure. This week he’d gotten to see a whole heap of naked Adam. Naked Adam getting into the shower, half naked Adam dressing, etc. This Adam was somehow more explicitly naked. Possibly it was the way his knees were apart, his feet planted on the floor, his body open to be looked at. 

 

Adam dropped his hand from his mouth to his lower stomach, rested it just above the sharp line of his hip. 

 

“You gonna come over here, then?” he asked, his words all a drawl. 

 

Ronan had his towel wrapped around his waist, aping modesty, but he dropped it now, letting it fall to the floor to be a thing to bother with later. He took a step forward, but then Adam spoke again. 

 

“Turn off the lights?” he asked, his hand turning and shifting to smooth down his thigh instead, his arm blocking his ribs and hip. 

 

Ronan turned to do so, and then translated the edge in Adam’s voice and paused. “I wanna see you,” he said to Adam, “I love seeing you.” 

 

Adam was looking at his knees. He’d shifted completely, his body posture gone from inviting to half closed off. He frowned. 

 

“You just look at me like…” Adam trailed off, swallowed hard, didn’t continue. 

 

Ronan leaned against the wall, kept his hand near the lightswitch. He didn’t want to turn the lights off. How was he looking at Adam? Was it making Adam uncomfortable? Was his lust too much? Was it too… too rough? 

 

“How do I look at you?” 

 

Adam’s hands twitched again, shifting until they had led his whole body to be leaning over his knees, hands clasped between them, head down. 

 

“You look at me as if I’m… as if you think I’m beautiful. Clean. Right. I don’t want you to look too close and see I’m not.” 

 

It sounded like it had taken a lot for Adam to say that, it really did, his voice taut and wobbly, his head bowed low. Ronan should have worked harder to keep down the bubble of a laugh that came out of him. Adam’s shoulders tensed like the noise had been a blow, and Ronan got the cap back on. 

 

“Adam,” he said, “Adam. I’m so sorry. That’s not - shit, babe. Look at me?” 

 

Adam shook his head, then lifted it to look at Ronan. He didn’t look mad, or even annoyed, just… resigned. Like he was waiting for Ronan to tell him he was an idiot. 

 

“I don’t think you’re this - this perfectly varnished piece of art,” Ronan started, “I fucking don’t. I don’t want you to be. I’m not looking for flawless, or perfect, or any shit like that, Parrish. I want real. I want genuine. I want  _ you _ . It’s just a bonus that you’re also hot as hell, but like - I don’t  _ care _ about any of your fucking so called imperfections, man. You got back acne? I don’t care, I mean, we should talk about your hygiene if you do, but I’m still gonna love you with it. Scars? Shit man, I got them too.” 

 

Again, he hadn’t meant to have said so much. He didn’t regret it though, because Adam was looking… calmer. 

 

“So,” Ronan said, cleared his throat, “I don’t wanna do this in the dark. I don’t wanna be hiding. I want you to see me and I want to see you.” 

 

“Ok,” Adam said, “ok.” 

 

Ronan left the light on, finally crossed the room to join Adam at the end of the bed, sat next to him, took his hands in his and brought them to his mouth. He kissed the knuckles, one at a time, then turned them so he could press a kiss to each palm. 

 

“I love you,” Ronan said into Adam’s hands, “I love you.” 

 

“I love you too,” Adam replied, slipped his hands up out of Ronan’s to cup Ronan’s face, to pull him in to kiss deeply. 

 

It was a bit of an odd angle, so as soon as Adam’s breath hitched between kisses, Ronan shifted the both of them. Sliding himself off of the bed and standing to move between Adam’s knees, he placed his hands on Adam’s shoulders and pressed lightly, letting Adam move backwards as he wanted. Adam shuffled back, and Ronan crawled back onto the bed, staying between his legs until Adam’s back was against the headboard and his hands were reaching down for Ronan. 

 

Ronan let himself be persuaded back up into Adam’s lap, positioned himself so his weight was mostly in his knees and not in Adam’s lap. He loved this, he decided, being held like this, bodies slotted together like this, Adam’s hand firm at the base of his skull, gripping his hip hard as if he wanted to pull Ronan even closer to him. If he had thought Adam’s hands were hot before - the way his wrists jutted, his long fingers curled expertly around tools, the way they were so tender and yet so strong - he thought they were nuclear now. They could set a fire under Ronan’s skin, inside his bones, it’d eat him up with heat and want and ---- God. 

 

Now that Ronan was firmly seated, was where they both wanted him, was kissing Adam and holding onto him like a raft in a flood, Adam’s hands shifted again. They drifted to meet together at the small of Ronan’s back, tugging him in there which in turn tugged something else inside him that burned, and then separating again to go around his sides, to press thumbs in over his hips, under his hips, to smooth up against his quivering stomach, to rub calloused fingertips against his nipples which he hadn’t forgotten to mentioned were fucking sensitive - shit!

 

He jerked, his whole body tensing against Adam’s, and Adam pulled back from the kiss to look at him. Apparently he could tell that the jerk and the small and slightly embarrassing noise Ronan had made hadn’t been negative, because he smirked. 

 

Ronan was pleased to see the smirk, because it meant that Adam was feeling  _ more _ again, that Adam didn’t feel so down and tiny about himself. Because it meant that Adam liked making Ronan make that noise. He did it again, testing the waters by pinching the left nipple gently, and Ronan bit down on the feeling in his throat and tipped his head back instead, exhaled. 

 

“Ronan,” Adam said, voice low. He pinched again, harder this time. “Do you like this?” 

 

His fucking dick had gone from semi hard in between his thighs to hard and extremely alert about a lot of things in the last few seconds and it ought to be quite obvious how much he liked this seeing as the tip of his dick was pressed against Adam’s stomach. He licked his lips, cleared his throat. 

 

“Yes,” he said, “do it again.” 

 

Adam did, bringing Ronan’s right nipple up to speed as well, while Ronan shut his eyes and either complained to or thanked God for how fucking sensitive he was, and also for how great Adam’s hands were. 

 

“Ronan,” Adam said again, voice closer, breath on his neck, “kiss me.” 

 

Ronan obliged, very happy to do so. Dragged Adam’s face closer, rocked against Adam’s stomach, let his breath stutter as Adam’s hands figured him out. 

 

“Unless you want me to cum right here,” Ronan mumbled into Adam’s mouth, “we’re gonna have to move on.” 

 

“I wouldn’t mind,” Adam said, not sounding at all like he was joking. “Do you think you could? Cum from just this?” 

 

“God,” Ronan groaned, tipped his head back again. Adam took to kissing his throat, open mouthed bites. “God. I could. You could make me.” 

 

“But,” Adam mumbled, paused to suck another kiss in at Ronan’s clavicle, “you want me to fuck you, so I better get on with it, huh?” 

 

“Uh-huh,” Ronan mumbled back. He was already leaving sticky smears against Adam’s stomach. He hadn’t expected himself to fall apart so quickly, but honestly, who was he fooling? This was  _ Adam _ . 

 

“How do you wanna do this?” Adam asked, kissed Ronan again, “Do you wanna be sitting in my lap like this? Or - or from behind, or -” 

 

“I wanna see you,” Ronan said, “I wanna see you.” 

 

“Missionary, huh?” Adam teased, “I took you for something a little more…” 

 

“I don’t care,” Ronan replied, grinning as he tipped his head back to look at Adam, “we can do wild another time. Right now all I want is to be able to see you while we do this.” 

 

“Ok,” Adam said, all signs of teasing gone. “Uh - I should finger you?” 

 

If Adam fingered him he was going to be finished before it began. 

 

“I prepped myself already,” Ronan said, “why do you think my shower took so long?” 

 

“Because you’re anal,” Adam replied, and it took Ronan a beat to realise the joke. When he did, he rolled his eyes, kissed Adam, and then flopped over onto the bed next to him. “I’m not…” Adam started, “I’m not entirely confident with this. I mean, I know the theory, but -” 

 

“It’s ok,” Ronan said, reaching behind himself to grab one of the pillows to position it under his back, “hey. It’s fine. I’ve never done this with someone before either. Theory is fine. We’ll work the rest out with practice.” 

 

Adam grinned at him, then shifted slowly, his shoulders obviously giving him a little bit of trouble, kissed him again. 

 

“Condoms?” he asked. 

 

“Right,” Ronan nodded, “top drawer,” he motioned his head to the dressing table beside them, “in the glasses box. Lube there too.” 

 

“Ok, ok, ok,” Adam mumbled, climbing over Ronan’s hips and opening the drawer. He pulled the condom out, then the lube, then looked at Ronan. “I love you,” he said. 

 

Ronan grinned. He felt like he was suffused with warmth. “I love you too,” he replied, “come back here and fuck me already.” 

 

“Geez,” Adam said, “pushy, man.” 

 

“Well start being pushy into me,” Ronan shot back. 

 

“That was awful,” Adam said, very sincere, as he settled in between Ronan’s legs, Ronan shifting to accommodate him, “dreadful.” 

 

“You’re dreadful,” Ronan smiled, “dreadfully hot. Dreadfully - oh!” 

 

On all accounts, having a condom being put on shouldn’t be as hot as Adam sliding it down over him was. 

 

“Thought it’d minimise mess,” Adam said easily, giving Ronan’s cock a couple of quick tugs before he released it again, “make our lives easier.” 

 

“Right,” Ronan gasped, struggling to screw his head back on again after the quick trip to two second mega cum land. “Cool.” 

 

“All good?” Adam asked, he was holding his own dick now, condom at the ready. 

 

“Yeah, yu-huh,” Ronan mumbled, “I just - I’m so much more turned on than is probably healthy and I think that as soon as you stick your dick in me I’m actually just going to explode into a million pieces.” 

 

“So you want me to stop?” Adam asked. 

 

“Fuck no,” Ronan groaned, “no. Nope. I want you to hurry up over there and get on to exploding me.” 

 

Adam snorted, rolled his own condom on, leaned down to kiss him hard. “I’m not gonna last either,” he said as he pulled back, “just thinking about being - about being in you puts me on edge.” 

 

“Shit,” Ronan said, “we’re gonna need a lot of practice at this, huh?” 

 

“Tell me about it,” Adam said, shifting up onto his knees, gripping Ronan’s thighs.

 

Ronan shifted with him, pushing up on his feet to help Adam out with the positioning, and then bringing his knees up and forwards, and then exhaling loudly as Adam just brushed the tip of his cock against him. Ronan closed his eyes

 

There was a pause, in which a small click clued Ronan in to the fact that Adam was lubing up, mere seconds before Adam’s thumb pressed against him, smearing it over his hole and pressing in just slightly. He choked out a noise without meaning to, and then Adam was saying his name, so he opened his eyes again, shifted against Adam’s thumb. 

 

“Ok?” Adam asked. 

 

“So very much,” Ronan got out, “please.” 

 

“Oh,” Adam’s eyes flickered shut for a second, he smiled, then leaned in to kiss him again, and again, and again, and then just as Ronan got into the rhythm of the franticness of the kissing, pulled away, pulled himself up straight, and pressed in slowly. 

 

“Fuck,” Ronan hissed - he’d already known that Adam was gonna be bigger than his dildo, this wasn’t painful though it did burn just slightly, but he felt like he’d been building up to this moment for weeks. Months maybe. Bulding up to having Adam inside him, God, he was such a fucking sop or some shit. 

 

Adam shifted Ronan’s legs, lifting one over his shoulder so he could lean in closer, so he could kiss him while he still pressed in slowly, waiting for Ronan’s body to give rather than rushing. Ronan maybe vaguely wanted him to just rush, to just push all the way in in one go and take it from zero to a hundred immediately but - but that was just the adrenaline speaking. Just the part of him that thought it was the speeding rather than the freedom that he liked about racing. He wanted this to be right, and this was the way it was right. 

 

Once he was all the way in, Adam released a long heavy breath that Ronan hadn’t even noticed he’d been holding - too caught up in his own feelings - and dragged in another before kissing Ronan again. 

 

“Ronan,” he said, soft, tender, like comfort. He kissed him again, and again while Ronan melted in against his lips, against the fullness of having him in him. 

 

“You feel so fucking good,” Ronan got out once Adam had pulled back a little, hovering over Ronan’s face, “God, Adam, you’re so fucking good.” 

 

“I haven’t done anythin’ yet,” Adam said, but he was smiling, his ears pink, “babe - can I -” 

 

“Yeah,” Ronan said, tipped his hips up, “start moving.” 

 

Adam grinned, shifted a little more upright again, and then, rather than immediately beginning to fuck Ronan, wrapped his hand around Ronan’s cock first, jerked him off until he was fully hard again, kissed Ronan’s leg on his shoulder, tightened his grip on Ronan’s hip. Then he fucked him. 

 

Not hard. Ronan wasn’t sure he could handle hard right now, now when Adam had been being so soft and tender with him. Not for his first time. Not when he felt so tight and full like a water balloon filled to bursting. 

 

He pulled out of Ronan, nearly all the way, and then pushed back in, slow, repeated the move, and then sped up, adjusting his position with each thrust until Ronan slipped from half exhaled moans to a very sudden  _ Oh _ as Adam found a good angle. 

 

At this, Adam’s face all but lit up. He pulled Ronan’s leg up further, he bent in closer, he moved slower, drawing the drag of his dick against Ronan’s prostate out slow and sweet in a way that had to be premeditated. 

 

It didn’t take long. Adam finding the right spots so easily, holding him so gently, kissing him so hard, alternating between holding up Ronan’s other leg and jerking him off. Ronan was honestly surprised he had lasted as long as he had by the time he fully dissolved. 

 

He hadn’t expected himself to be vocal in bed, after all, it wasn’t like he talked to his dildo while jerking off, but he found himself -throughout - whispering to Adam, affirmations, half mangled words of praise, need. He found himself moaning so thoroughly that Adam, still fucking into him, had covered Ronan’s mouth with his hand while he came a little too noisily. 

 

“Oh fuck, oh fuck, fucking fuck,  _ Adam _ ,” Ronan moaned into Adam’ hand, “God!” 

 

Adam simply pulled his palm from Ronan’s mouth, pushed his fingers in against his tongue instead, letting Ronan bite down on them as he pushed once more into Ronan and came in the aftermath of Ronan’s orgasm. 

 

He bit Adam’s fingers again as Adam pulled out, and Adam apologised softly. He shifted Ronan’s leg from his shoulder, kissed Ronan’s hip, pulled the condom off of Ronan’s dick very carefully, then off of his own. Tied the both of them, hopped off of the bed to go chuck them in Ronan’s bin, then came back so quickly it was like the floor had turned to lava as he jumped back onto the bed. 

 

“Ronan,” Adam said, shuffling on his knees over to where Ronan still lay, sprawled and exhausted now, “I don’t have the energy right now, but I want you to know that if I could, I’d keep fucking you all night.” 

 

If Ronan had the capacity to, he might have cum again right then. Instead, he groaned, reached out until Adam took pity and leaned into his reach, and dragged Adam down next to him. 

 

“You’re way better than fucking myself,” he told Adam, and Adam smacked his arm gently, snorted. “That was amazing,” Ronan adjusted. 

 

“I’ve always heard that first times tend to be kinda shitty,” Adam mumbled, shifting to press himself entirely against the line of Ronan’s side, “but you’re right, that was fucking amazing.” 

 

“If that was shitty,” Ronan mumbled, “I am super psyched to find out how great we get after a few tries.” 

 

“We need to go on a date soon,” Adam mumbled back, “just you and me.” 

 

“Crying date?” Ronan asked. Adam closed his eyes. 

 

“Yeah,” he said, “I wanna hear about your scars just as much as you wanna hear about mine.” 

 

“Ok,” Ronan said, because that was probably true, “I’m gonna go grab the wet wipes.” 


	13. Chapter 13

Adam might have been sharing with Ronan more, relying on him more, but that didn’t mean that Ronan had the stupidity to think Adam was sharing everything, or even half of everything. It was still a little bit irritating though when he only found out that the lawyer had already made contact with Robert Parrish and that Adam knew and that things were already rolling when he went to go pick Adam and Ethan up from his tiny flat to go drop the kids off at Gansey’s so they could finally go on a  _ date  _ date and Adam opened the door with a grizzling Ethan on his hip and his phone pressed to his ear. 

 

“Sorry,” Adam mumbled as Ronan peeled Ethan off of Adam’s shoulder and shut the door behind him. “I’ll just be a few more minutes.” 

 

“Ok,” Ronan said, leaned in to kiss Adam’s cheek, and turned to go flop down on the sagged couch with Ethan and Darcy. “What’s up little buddy?”

 

“Sad,” Ethan said, squiggled around in Ronan’s lap until he could half stuff himself up under Ronan’s jumper, while reaching to grab Darcy’s hand. 

 

“Aw, baby,” Ronan soothed, shifting to try and give Ethan more room. “How come, huh?” 

 

“Lost Dime?” Darcy asked, tugging at Ronan’s jumper to try and get in as well, “Lost book? I loosed m’sock.” She lifted her foot up, showing Ronan and Ethan (though less to Ethan seeing as his head was under Ronan’s jumper) both that she was indeed missing a sock - and a shoe. 

 

“Daddy’s sad,” Ethan mumbled, voice all squished, “so’s I’m sad.” 

 

“Oh, honey,” Ronan said, bending to kiss Ethan’s head through the jumpr, rubbing Ethan’s back, looking up under his eyebrows to watch Adam and his taut shoulders and bent head. “That’s hard. Has your daddy been sad all day?” 

 

“Mmhm,” Ethan sniffled, he was absolutely wiping his nose on Ronan’s shirt, “all day, an’ all yes-est-er-ay, an’ - an’ - an’ he’s - I don’t like bein’  _ here _ .” 

 

Ronan also didn’t like him being here, but that wasn’t his call. 

 

“I’m sorry, bud,” Ronan said, voice as soft as he could make it, “but don’t you worry, ok? I’m gonna take your daddy out and look after him tonight, and make him happy, and you and Darce are gonna have so much fun with Opal and her parents. Then you’re both gonna come back and stay at ours, yeah?” 

 

“Mm,” Ethan mumbled. 

 

“Gonna have tars-cos,” Darcy said, poking at the jumper wrapped Ethan lump, “an-der somes nicercreams.” 

 

“Mm,” Ethan mumbled. 

 

“It’s gonna be just fine, honeys,” Ronan said, squeezed Darcy so she wouldn’t feel left out, “I love you, Ethan, bud, I’m gonna do my best to make you happy, ok?” 

 

“Love me too,” Darcy said. 

 

“I love you too, Darcy baby,” Ronan confirmed, bent to kiss her forehead, “I love the both of you.” 

 

“An’ daddy?” Ethan mumbled. 

 

“Yup,” Ronan kissed his jumpery head again, “I love you, and I love  _ you _ , and I love your daddy too.” 

 

“I love you too,” Adam said, having apparently finished his phone call, and crossing the room over to the three of them. “And I love you two babies too.” 

 

“Hi, Parrish,” Ronan said, grinning up at him, “you ready to go eat something half fancy?” 

  
  


-

  
  


By the time Ethan and Darcy had been dropped off at Gansey and Sargant’s, Ethan had apparently forgotten that he was sad and was perfectly happy to jabber along with Darcy and to leap  out of the car. 

 

“Can we,” Adam mumbled, as they got back in the car, seat belts on, as Ronan took off the hand brake. “Can we not go anywhere fancy?” 

 

“By fancy,” Ronan said, watching the rear view mirror carefully, “I meant somewhere that serves something more than deep fried shit, so yeah, nowhere fancy.” 

 

“I mean,” Adam said, “can we just get takeaways and go to yours? I just wanna… I don’t feel like being around other people right now.” 

 

“We can do that,” Ronan said easily, glancing over at Adam, “Thai?” 

 

“I’d kill for some tom yum,” Adam agreed. He reached over to cover Ronan’s hand on the gear stick. “Thanks.” 

 

“Call and order?” Ronan asked, “Use my phone, I’ve a good place in my numbers.” 

 

“Sure,” Adam said, letting go of Ronan’s hand and reaching further over to smooth his palm over Ronan’s thigh, “which pocket’s your phone in?” 

 

“On the dashboard,” Ronan grinned, grinned more as Adam didn’t remove his hand, “but yeah, sure, maybe it’s in my left pocket. Or my back pocket.” 

 

“Huh,” Adam said, his hand still slowly drifting over Ronan’s lap, “is this is - oh, no it’s not…” 

 

“C’mon,” Ronan snorted, “you keep looking and I’m gonna have to pull over.” 

 

“Sorry,” Adam said, voice dripping sarcasm. He left his hand on Ronan’s thigh and used his other hand to grab Ronan’s phone. “Let’s see… is it the one labeled ‘gimme yum yum’?” 

 

“Uh-huh,” Ronan replied, absolutely not embarrassed about this. “Ask for it ASAP and we’ll drive there, make out in the car while we wait for it to finish up, and then take it home. I want lamb larb.” 

 

-

 

They didn’t make out in the car, but only because Ronan didn’t think his question was going to need so long to answer. 

 

“What was the phone call?” he asked, unbuckling himself, “You didn’t sound very pleased.” 

 

Adam glanced at him, and then away again, didn’t unbuckle himself, did slump against the window. “My father got a lawyer.” 

 

“Wh-” Ronan paused to make sure he hadn’t missed anything, despite the fact that he knew he hadn’t because this was the first time Adam had mentioned his father possibly getting a lawyer. “When did this happen?” 

 

“Well I guess this morning,” Adam shrugged, picked at a bobble on the cuff of his hoodie. “In response to Marianne serving him yesterday.” 

 

“Marianne did what yesterday?” 

 

“Y’know,” Adam shrugged again, “she uh… maybe that was the wrong word. She let him know about the lawsuit because we’re up to the part where we do something about it.” 

 

“You didn’t tell me it was happening,” Ronan tried not to sound hurt exactly, but it was difficult when he hadn’t had warning that he’d need to fake something here. 

 

“I didn’t want to worry you,” Adam mumbled. 

 

“Didn’t want to - wh - is this why you’ve been at yours the last couple of nights? So I wouldn’t see how worried you were and worry about that?” 

 

“Yes,” Adam said to the window. 

 

“That’s bullshit,” Ronan snapped, “complete bullshit.” 

 

Adam didn’t reply, just closed his eyes, shook his head. Ronan took this moment to  _ not _ continue to escalate, and took a deep breath himself to start over. 

 

“I want to be able to support you for shit like this, you ass,” he said, “especially for something as big as this.” 

 

“You’re already supporting me so much,” Adam said, voice gritty like he was speaking through a throat full of gravel. “You feed us half the time, you look after Ethan so much, you drive us places, you kiss me, you hold me, you let me  _ rest _ -” 

 

“Shit,” Ronan butted in, leaned over to grab at one of Adam’s flailing hands, then the other pulled them to him, pressed Adam’s palms to his cheeks. “Parrish, do you hear yourself? Everything you just said are things you do for me too. This is give and take. This isn’t some pity fuck or whatever, this is what a relationship looks like. Chill the actual fuck out, man.” 

 

Adam sniffed, let Ronan hold his hands to his face, then snorted a little, self deprecating. 

 

“I didn’t tell you,” he said, cleared his throat, “because I hate owing people. I didn’t tell you because I wanted to prove to myself that I could deal with this shit by myself if I needed to. That I’d be ok without you for when you leave. So that I wouldn’t feel indebted.” 

 

Ronan opened his mouth to either be very hurt or very angry about the whole  _ when _ he left thing, but Adam shook his head and carried on. 

 

“I know that’s shitty of me,” Adam said firmly, “I know that. I know that - I hope that - I  _ know _ that you have no plans of leaving. That what we have is good, so long as I don’t fuck it up. I know I’m being an idiot. Doesn’t mean it’s easy to stop being an idiot.” 

 

“Ok,” Ronan said, leaned in to press a careful kiss to Adam’s cheek, “ok. Just. Let me remind you then, that you don’t have to be sad by yourself. I want you to come to me when you’re sad, if you think I can help. I want to help.” 

 

“I know,” Adam sighed, “I know. Thanks.” 

 

“Food is probably ready by now,” Ronan said, “so we can go back to mine and really start the crying part?” 

 

“God,” Adam laughed wetly, “yeah.” 

 

-

  
  


On the drive home Adam filled Ronan in on what had happened so far, on where they were in the case. He didn’t apologise for not telling him earlier, and Ronan got that. If you spend all your life having to do shit on your own it’s not exactly second or third, or even fourth nature to keep anyone else up to date. He doesn’t want an apology, he just wants Adam to think of Ronan somewhere before fifth nature. 

 

He does kiss Ronan, deeply and softly as soon as they step inside and shut the door. Doesn’t wait until they’ve put the food or his bag down, just catches him by the hand and presses him up against the closed door and kisses him. It wasn’t an apology but it was… something. It was a reassurance that he trusted Ronan, that he wanted Ronan, that he wanted to be here. 

 

They eat on the couch, Adam’s legs in Ronan’s lap, the food spread out on Adam’s lap. It’s a little messy but there aren’t any kids around to influence badly, and they can do whatever the hell they like. 

 

They don’t do the crying part of the date while they eat, instead, they fill each other in on their days - the last two days since they’d seen each other properly. They’d texted throughout, but neither of them were actually any good at texting, so Ronan only had a vague idea of how Adam had been and it was nice to hear about his classes, and the car he’d been working on at work, and the song Ethan had learned and was singing non stop, and that Adam kept forgetting to take his new meds because it was so out of his routine. Ronan filled him in on the latest tattoo drama (some drunk dudes getting all belligerent when they were refused tattoos, and a mother trying to persuade them to tattoo her twelve year old), how Darcy had drawn flowers all over the toilet base and he’d had to spend almost a full hour cleaning it off, how his mum had called and he’d told her about Adam. 

 

“She thinks you sound lovely,” he assured Adam, “and she says she wants to meet you and Ethan.” 

 

“Can it wait until after we wrap up the stuff with my parents?” Adam asked, his knee jiggling in Ronan’s lap and almost knocking off one of the (now empty) food containers. “Just to try and make things easier.” 

 

“If you want, yeah,” Ronan murmured, “I’m not gonna force a meeting on you, man.” 

 

“I know,” Adam sighed, “and I do wanna meet her. I just don’t wanna… I don’t wanna come off as difficult, or a bad choice, or somethin’.” 

 

“You would never,” Ronan said quickly, and then snorted and shrugged. “Well, maybe you’d come off as difficult, but only because you’re so…” 

 

“So what?” Adam demanded, eyebrows raised as he jabbed Ronan playfully in the side, “What am I?” 

 

“So focused,” Ronan finished, catching at Adam’s hand to stop the poking, to bring to his lips to kiss. “So determined to do right by Ethan, by what you want.” 

 

“C’mon,” Adam grumbled, “how’m I s’posed to act all indignant if you’re complimentin’ me, huh?” 

 

“Dunno,” Ronan grinned, kissed Adam’s hand again, “but I’m sure you and your big brain can work something out.” 

 

“Fuck off,” Adam snorted. He leaned his head against the back of the couch, and Ronan watched in interest as the tips of his cheeks slowly coloured. “You’re really into my hands, huh?” 

 

Ronan might also be flushing now, but he wasn’t embarrassed about it. He shifted Adam’s hand up, tipping it back to kiss at the base of his palm. 

 

“Yeah,” he said simply. 

 

Adam wasn’t content to leave it at that. “Why?” he asked, “I mean, I already know you’ve got wack taste, you’re into me, but like, my hands?” 

 

“Don’t be an idiot,” Ronan mumbled, then attempted to explain. “They’re just so  _ you _ .” 

 

“So me?” 

 

“You,” Ronan said slowly, “are elegant. And strong. And a little odd. But most of all you’re beautiful and talented. When I see your hands it’s - it’s just all condensed down and I can’t believe I get to even hold them.” 

 

“Huh,” Adam said. 

 

Ronan still refused to be embarrassed, “They’re sexy,” he added, “like the rest of you.” 

 

He was glad that Adam didn’t deny this. Even if Adam wasn’t quite on the same page as Ronan was about how utterly hot he was, Ronan was fucking determined that he would understand that Ronan was ridiculously attracted to him at the very least. 

 

Adam’s hand shifted in Ronan’s, and he thought that maybe he’d gone a little too far, made it a little too weird over dinner, but. But Adam only shifted his hand enough to be able to be in control to press the tips of his two first fingers against Ronan’s lips - pressing with just enough pressure that Ronan got the message and opened his mouth, letting Adam slip his fingers in against his tongue. 

 

Adam was still leaning against the couch, his face was still warm, but he didn’t look confused anymore, just… interested. Like he wanted to know how Ronan was reacting to this, wanted to know how much Ronan wanted. Ronan wanted a fuck load. He slipped his own hand down from its loose grip on Adam’s hand to loop around Adam’s wrist instead, holding him close and he closed his lips around Adam’s fingers and sucked. 

 

“Oh,” Adam exhaled. 

 

This breathy noise went straight from Ronan’s ears down to his crotch, not bothering to check in with his brain first, and his cock immediately responded by twitching. Basically fuck bodily functions. Adam pressed his fingers in deeper, and Ronan did his best to accommodate without telling his cock, which didn’t really work because Adam exhaled loudly again, and the noise went the same route as last time. 

 

“Is this seriously making you hard?” Adam asked, fingers still against Ronan’s tongue. The back of his thigh was pressed against the bulge of Ronan’s jeans. Ronan, tongue unavailable for defending himself, simply glared. “Sorry,” Adam smiled, “I just - it’s - you’re sexy like this.” 

 

Ronan closed his eyes, and Adam removed his fingers. 

 

“Sorry,” Adam said again, “I didn’t mean to embarrass you.” 

 

“I wasn’t embarrassed,” Ronan said, though he was a little embarrassed by the spit on his lips. He wiped his mouth roughly with the back of his hand. “I was trying to calm my fucking boner down.” 

 

“I like it,” Adam said, very bluntly, “that I can turn you on like that.” 

 

“I like that you can turn me on like that,” Ronan replied, “I didn’t know I’d respond so… quickly.” 

 

Adam didn’t answer, just leaned in to kiss him hard, his still wet fingers twisting in the front of Ronan’s shirt, pulling him in. When they broke away again, Adam smiled at him, seemingly content. 

 

“I wanna hear about you,” Adam said then, “I want to know everything there is to know. Your favourite colour, your favourite food, where you were born, your middle name… everything.” 

 

“I’ll tell you anything you wanna know,” Ronan said, “but first of all, my favourite colour is pink because that’s what Darcy is wearing all the time right now, my favourite food is moussaka, I was born at my house in Henrietta, and my middle name is Niall. After my dad.” 

 

Adam grinned, kissed him again, said, “Ronan Niall Lynch.” 

 

Ronan decided that now was as good as any time, so he jumped right in. “He was murdered. He was… he was in the trade business, going overseas and finding or buying artefacts and selling them on. He got caught up in a bad deal. Or, one of his bad deals was caught, and someone pissed off sent a hitman. They… they killed him in our driveway. I was the one who found him the next morning and it - it fucked me up in a big way for a long time.” 

 

“Shit,” Adam said, “that’d fuck anyone up.” 

 

Ronan ignored the tears pooling in the corners of his eyes, he was used to them just appearing every time he tried to talk about this. “My mum was… she was obviously really upset. She had a - there was always something wrong with her heart, a murmur or something? And it played up really bad when she found out about dad and she was put in a - a medically induced coma. It was just supposed to be for a little bit, while they got her stable, but she didn’t get stable quickly, and then she wouldn’t wake up and - she was out of it for almost a full year.” 

 

“Oh my god,” Adam mumbled, “fuck, Ro, that’s so -” 

 

Ronan shook his head. If he gave in to the comfort Adam was offering him right now, he wasn’t going to be able to get through the rest of it. 

 

“Dec - Declan, my older brother, he took charge. Which wasn’t fair on him, he’s barely a year older than me, but - god. He took charge and moved us out of our house into the dorms at Aglionby where we went to school because our house was in Singers Falls and it was just easier to not have to go in and out of town all the time and - he handled the finances, and the funeral, and was so adult about everything and it pissed me the fuck off.” 

 

Adam made a soft noise, didn’t say anything. 

 

“I - I was a huge fucking shit head. I didn’t want to do anything he said, I - I started drinking in a  big way. Racing. Fucking shit up. I refused to live at Aglionby. I moved in with Gansey and Noah - they - they were the only solid thing I had. The only one who wouldn’t take my shit but would still… comfort me when I needed it. So I --- I was in a really bad place. I was always either drunk, hungover, or… or just really depressed. I stopped going to school, I stopped playing sports. Then Noah died. Got murdered. He had a friend -  _ Whelk _ , not a friend. A shithead of a guy who Noah had known since he was a kid, had looked up to. Whelk’s parents lost all their money and Whelk was… I have no idea man. He lost his mind. He killed the only person who’d ever actually liked him, all for the crime of trying to console him. So like. Uh -” 

 

He had to pause here, to swallow down hard until his insides stopped trying to bubble up his throat and out of his mouth. Adam shifted the containers off his lap in the pause, moved round so he was pressed up close to Ronan’s side, kissed his cheek. 

 

“I didn’t want to deal with anything anymore,” Ronan said, shrugged, cleared his throat. “I’d had enough. I tried to kill myself. Slit my wrists. Would have died if Gansey hadn’t come looking for me. Hadn’t found me.” 

 

He didn’t want to linger here, carried on quickly. 

 

“Afterwards - God. Afterwards Declan packed me off to rehab. I hated it at the time but… but I needed it. It got me off the drinking, gave me the therapy I needed. But most of all it - I met Darcy’s mum there.” 

 

“Oh,” Adam said. 

 

“Not like that,” Ronan shook his head, “not romantically. She was pregnant with Darcy. Just pregnant. That was why she was at rehab. For the baby. She didn’t want the baby, but she also didn’t want to be responsible for hurting it. We became friends, and I - huh - I told her that I’d adopt the baby when she had it if she still didn’t want it at the end. I expected her to say no, to change her mind.” 

 

Adam was just watching him, his hand resting on Ronan’s chest. 

 

“I got out of rehab and … and found out that mum had come out of her coma while I was away. I was so mad at Declan for not telling me - but - but I understand why he didn’t. I needed to be able to get myself together first, and - yeah. So. I got out, my  _ mum was back _ . I moved back in with her and… and did my fucking best to stay ok. To get better. I think I did pretty well, honestly. Worked on the farm, made new hobbies. Worked on my art, started playing music again. It was good. I was still… I was still pretty depressed, but I was getting better. Mum too. She was pretty sick and fragile at first, and we had a live in nurse along with me and Dec and Matty, so. Yeah. God. Anyway - I got through it. Mum got through it. I almost drove Declan entirely nutty. 

 

And then one morning I get a phone call from the police station saying they have my baby - and I have no idea what they’re talking about, but I go in and I find out that Katie - Darcy’s mother - she put me down on Darcy’s birth certificate as her father, and then just… skipped town. Left the baby at the hospital, left the hospital to get me.” 

  
  


“What the fuck,” Adam whispered. 

 

“Yeah,” Ronan agreed, continued. “So I picked up Darcy - she wasn’t named on the certificate though, so I got the pleasure of naming her. I picked up Darcy and got my lawyers involved, and tried to find her mum, because, well. I said I’d take the baby, but I didn’t want to not be able to tell Darcy anything about her mum. It took like, almost a full year, and then she just said she didn’t want to be involved. Signed papers, signed Darcy entirely over to me.” 

 

“Wow,” Adam mumbled, “that is some… some crazy backstory you have.” 

 

“It really is,” Ronan sighed, leaned his head on top of Adam’s, “but after that? I’ve tried to like, be less crazy. For Darcy’s sake. We stayed at the farm, me working half on it, half on tattooing. Mum helped me raise her. Then Gansey and Blue got married - that was crazy too - and moved here, and Dec and Matthew moved here separately, and I… I followed I guess.” 

 

“I’m glad you followed,” Adam said, “and I’m - I’m glad Gansey was such a good friend. I’m glad you’re in a better place now.” 

 

“Did any of that scare you off, then?” Ronan asked, attempting for levity, “Am I too crazy for you?” 

 

“No,” Adam said, firm, “I hate that all of that happened to you, but it doesn’t scare me off. Idiot.” 

 

“I love you,” Ronan said. 

 

“Thank you,” Adam said, “for telling me all of that. I love you too.” 

 

“Anyway,” Ronan said, “up until all my  _ trauma _ or whatever, it was all chill. I was home schooled ‘til I was like twelve, and -” 

 

“Hold up, hold up, hold up,” Adam snorted, “you were home schooled?” 

 

“Fuck off,” Ronan grinned, “yeah. Learned latin too.” 

 

“You were a weird kid, huh?” 

 

“The weirdest,” Ronan confirmed, “I went barefoot half my childhood, slept with chickens in my bed, and learned to read in Gaelic a full year before English.” 

 

“I love it,” Adam said, “I love you, fuck. You weirdo.” 

 

“Mhm,” Ronan grinned widely, “wanna hot choc? Tea? I want biscuits and I want a hot drink with it.” 

 

“Hot choc sounds good,” Adam said, “wanna take them to bed?” 

 

“Fuck yeah I do.” 


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've drawn a couple of pictures of this funky little family! https://ardenetoile.tumblr.com/post/185880868950/family-walks-kids-being-carried-home  
> https://ardenetoile.tumblr.com/post/185805405255/ethan-and-darcy  
> AND some fanart by the-ronan-cycle!  
> https://the-ronan-cycle.tumblr.com/post/185599411672/ive-been-really-enjoying-etoilegardens-trc-kid

Adam certainly hadn’t meant to fall asleep, Ronan knew that, but it didn’t change the fact that there he was, curled up in between Ronan’s arm and chest, mostly empty mug of hot chocolate in danger of tipping onto the blankets from his lax hand. Ronan eased the mug away, stretched carefully so as not to disturb Adam as he put it on his bedside table, and then returned his hand to stroking the curls around Adam’s one exposed ear, at his temple, at the base of his neck. 

 

If he could, he would have stayed there forever - skin to skin and lips to forehead - but, it was getting later and he needed to pick the kids up sooner rather than later, so. He placed one more kiss to Adam’s face, to the bridge of his nose, and slowly worked his arm out from under Adam’s head. Adam grumbled at the movement, but didn’t wake up, just readjusted his head on the pillow and rolled a little more on his side, hand reaching for Ronan. 

 

Ronan caught his hand easily, pressed a kiss to that too, and then replaced it on the mattress as he sidled his way out of the bed. He pulled the blanket back up over Adam’s shoulders, disengaged Adam’s hand as it reached for him again, and gathered up his clothes from where they were strewn about on the floor to dress quickly before the cold did him in. 

 

He turned the heating on before he left - he ought to have done that way earlier but he had been distracted -, and sent a quick text to Gansey to let him know he was on his way. 

 

-

 

Blue met him at the door, paint on her cheek, a paintbrush in her hair, and a sleepy Darcy clinging around her neck. 

 

“Ethan’s conked out on the couch,” she said in lieu of a greeting,”but apparently Darce needs a daddy goodnight kiss before she can go to sleep.” 

 

“It’s true,” Ronan said solemnly, following Blue inside and shutting the door behind them. “They were ok then?” 

 

“Of course,” Blue snorted, “Darcy and Ethan have more manners in their little fingers than Opal has in her whole body. Although,” she added, grinning at Ronan over her shoulder, “they have been following her around a lot today so some of her civil disobedience might rub off on them.” 

 

“Sounds good to me,” Ronan laughed, “is she in bed?” 

 

“Nah,” Blue led them into the lounge and waved her hand at the couch, finishing her reply non verbally. 

 

Gansey was asleep, head rolled back against the head of the couch, book open in his lap. Ethan was snoring on his left side, and Opal was tucked in on his right side, also snoring. 

 

“Gansey joins in on the snoring duet every so often,” Blue informed Ronan, her tone low with mischievous conspiracy, “but only for the drum solos.” 

 

“I remember how Gansey snores,” Ronan sighed, “I’m so sorry, Blue.” 

 

“I got used to it,” Blue shrugged, grinned back at Ronan, “plus if you kick him a little he stops.” 

 

“I used to do that too!”

 

Blue laughed, and Gansey stirred on the couch. 

 

“Oh,” he mumbled, “where’re my glasses? Ronan?” 

 

“Probably behind the couch now,” Blue said cheerfully, jiggling Darcy on her hip. 

 

“Hey old man,” Ronan said, stepping over to the couch, reaching out first to ruffle Gansey’s already sleep mussed hair, and then to fetch his glasses from where they were perched precariously between Gansey’s curls and the wall. “Here you are.” 

 

“Thanks,” Gansey yawned, smiled up at Ronan, “did you have a good date night? Where’s Adam?” 

 

“I left him at home,” Ronan said, “he’s sleeping. And yes, thanks, we had a great time.” 

 

“You gonna give us the details?” Blue prodded, and Gansey lifted one hand to actually prod Ronan. 

 

“Nah,” Ronan said, bending down to extricate Ethan from in between couch cushions, “you guys are too squeamish.” 

 

“Ew, Ronan,” Blue groaned.

 

“I told him a bit more about my background,” Ronan mumbled, lifting the very asleep Ethan up carefully under the arms, “about when things were really shit.” 

 

Gansey waited until Ronan had Ethan properly bundled in his arms, and then wrapped his hand around Ronan’s hip to keep him close. “That went alright?” 

 

“God, Gans,” Ronan grumbled, didn’t try to pull away. “Yeah. It was good.” 

 

“You’re alright?” Gansey pressed. 

 

“ _ Yes _ ,” Ronan said firmly, “I’m good. It was… Adam takes good care of me, ok?” 

 

“That might be verging on TMI,” Blue commented from close behind. 

 

“Maybe a bit,” Ronan admitted, adjusted Ethan against his shoulder, and then covered Gansey’s hand with his own. “Why are you worrying? You’ve met him. You know how great he is.” 

 

“Well, yeah,” Gansey said, “I certainly think he’s wonderful. But I know you need - I know you’re -” 

 

“I’m not as delicate as you think I am,” Ronan said, fighting hard to keep his teenage self well down and his tone light, “seriously, you silly dick.” 

 

Blue snorted, but then her hand was on his shoulder as well, and he really was fully cornered by these weirdos, wasn’t he? 

 

“Let us be protective of you,” Blue said firmly, “this is your first relationship, and from the way you talk about him, it might be your last too. We just want what’s good for you. Anyway. If we both die someone is gonna need to look after Opal so we have to keep you around for that.” 

 

“Jane,” Gansey said. 

 

“Morbid,” Ronan snorted, “I know,” he added, “be as protective as you like. But now? I’m gonna go home and put the babies to bed.” 

 

-

 

Ethan woke up a little bit while he was being strapped in, but was basically asleep again by the time Darcy was kissed and all strapped in as well, and snoring by the time Ronan had spread a blanket out over the two of them and gotten into the front seat to drive home. Darcy joined in the snoring the block before they got home, and kept on snoring while Ronan unbuckled her. Having Darcy over one shoulder, and Ethan on the other (the both of them asleep and useless to hold themselves on), reminded him a lot of being back home on the farm, taking the pups out into the fields to train them and carrying them home because they were just  _ pups _ , or, or in calving season when he’d find a calf wandering too far from its mother and he’d sling it over his shoulders are carry it back, or, or, or - 

 

It reminded him of home because this was what he had wanted for as long as he could remember. Family, family, family. Being able to care and protect and hold. 

 

He put the kids to bed (the spare mattress that was Ethan’s bed now up on a frame he’d ordered online, one of the duvets his mother had quilted on it, some of Darcy’s dolls that Ethan liked already tucked in), tucked them in, dug Dime out of Ethan’s bag to tuck in next to him. 

 

He brushed his teeth, filled up a glass of water to take to bed with him, and returned to Adam’s side. Adam stirred when he got in, grumbled when Ronan’s feet brushed up against him - apparently too cold for his liking -, and then opened his eyes as Ronan settled down. 

 

“Hm,” he said coherently, “you went away?” 

 

“Picked up the kids,” Ronan replied, “they’re in bed now.” 

 

For a moment Adam looked confused, and then panicked, and then guilty. “Sorry,” he said, shuffling around as if he meant to sit up, “I forget - I shouldn’t have - I didn’t mean to-” 

 

“Parrish,” Ronan sighed, wrapping his arm around Adam’s waist, “hey. Chill. You were asleep, that’s fine.” 

 

“I shouldn’t have fallen asleep, though,” Adam whispered, not trying to sit up anymore, though his muscles were tense and stiff against Ronan’s arm. “That’s not fair on you to have t-” 

 

“Parrish,” Ronan said again, firmly, “I’m not upset about it, so you don’t need to be either. This has nothing to do with fair. This is just sharing responsibilities. If I had fallen asleep you’d have picked them up. If neither of us had we’d both have gone.”

 

“Yeah,” Adam said slowly, “but you didn’t fall asleep, I did. So the theoreticals are moot.” 

 

“Shit, man,” Ronan groaned, readjusted his grip on Adam’s waist to pull him closer. “Stop it. Stop listening to whatever little shitty voice in your head is telling you that you gotta go this alone. That you’re not putting enough in. Ok? Me loving you? That means you don’t gotta go anything alone ever the fuck again.” 

 

Adam sniffled a little, cleared his throat, wrapped his hands in Ronan’s shirt. “What do I even give you?” he whispered, “I still don’t get it.” 

 

“Anyone ever tell you you’re an idiot?” Ronan asked, then before Adam could answer with the obvious carried on quickly. “Don’t answer that. You wanna know how much you do for me? Seriously?” 

 

“Seriously,” Adam mumbled, pressed his face in against Ronan’s neck and drew in a shaky breath. “Sorry. Please.” 

 

He must be so tired to be saying this, or, maybe just blissed out and vulnerable or whatever. Or maybe he was half asleep. Or maybe Ronan was just reading too much into this. 

 

“You make me feel hopeful about the future,” Ronan said carefully, “like it’s a simple thing instead of this convoluted difficult thing that I have to fight for all the time. You - you - you remind me how you can stay  _ good _ even when shit is bad. You’re like, weirdly good at doing the dishes. You always say the right thing to Darcy. You’re  _ so good _ with Ethan. You make my heart like… explode whenever you touch me. Adam -- I don’t know how to properly convince you of this in… in words, they’ve never been my strong suit, but like, I wouldn’t love someone if they gave me nothing in return.” 

 

Adam sniffled again, he sounded a bit like Ethan had earlier that morning. “Ok,” he mumbled, “ok. Ok.” 

 

“Hey,” Ronan mumbled, kissed Adam’s forehead, “I got you.” 

 

“I love you,” Adam replied, voice muffled against skin, “I love you.” 

 

“Love you too,” Ronan said, kissed Adam again, “go to sleep, babe.” 

 

“Mm,” Adam said. 

 

-

 

Ronan had tattoo appointments booked solid for the next day, so the next morning consisted mostly of running around the flat with a piece of toast in his mouth while he tried to find one of his earrings that either Darcy or Chainsaw had hidden (he was pretty sure it was Darcy who’d hidden it because he hadn’t seen Chainsaw for a while except in snapchats from Matthew). While he looked for his earring Adam fed the kids and himself, calling out helpful suggestions of where he could look, and then dressed the kids and found Ronan’s earring in one of Darcy’s socks. 

 

Adam drove them all into town, (partly because it was just easier if he drove today, partly because he was a little bit way sexy behind the wheel) and dropped Ronan off at the tattoo parlour before driving on to Uni to take the kids to play school and then to go to class. 

 

Ronan worked on tattoos all morning, ate lunch while fiddling around with the website, ordered some more supplies, then tattoos again all afternoon, and then, blessing of all blessings, Adam picked him up again in the BMW, the kids in the backseat, a still hot coffee waiting for him. 

 

“Oh. My. God,” Ronan groaned, sinking into the leather seat (it  _ was _ odd sitting in the passenger seat, but the headrest smelled like Adam’s shampoo so like, that evened any oddness out), “I’m in heaven.” 

 

“It’s just coffee,” Adam snorted, leaning over the gearstick to kiss him hello before pulling back onto the road, “hi.” 

 

“Mm-mm,” Ronan shook his head, “it’s not just coffee. It’s you picking me up looking all tasty.” 

 

“Lynch,” Adam said, only a little sharply, “the kids are right here.” 

 

“Hi gremlins,” Ronan added, turning in his seat so he could look at them, “I missed you! How was your day?” 

 

“Builded a sandycastle,” Ethan told him. 

 

“Stomped in sandscas’el,” Darcy followed up quickly. 

 

“‘Arcy was a an eartherquaker,” Ethan added with a grin.

 

-

 

Back at home Ronan unpacked the kids while Adam pulled the surprise move of unpacking groceries from the boot. 

 

“I figured I’ve eaten a lot of your food already,” Adam explained as Ronan walked around the back with a kid on each hip and their bags hanging off of his shoulders, “and I’m planning on eating more this week, so it was my time to do the shopping.” 

 

Ronan considered saying that Adam didn’t need to do that, that he was more than happy to just feed Adam and Ethan for the rest of their lives if they’d let him. But. But he could still hear Adam, half asleep, voice ragged, asking what he did for him, and --- if this helped Adam feel more stable in this, he was fucking gonna let him do what he wanted. 

 

“Load me up, then,” he said, letting go of the kids who giggled and clung tighter to him, “I’m gonna set a world record of most stuff carried up the staircase to the lift in this whole building.” 

 

“Yeah, yeah, we get it,” Adam snorted, “you’re mr macho man.” 

 

He handed Ronan a couple of bags - just the bread and the cereal and the pasta - before slamming the boot and picking the rest up himself. 

 

-

 

“I was thinking,” Adam said, after dinner but before he had to go to work, “that I’d drop in at my flat on the way back from work. Pick some clothes up. Stay here the rest of the week?” 

 

Ronan looked up from where he was crouched looking under the couch for Darcy’s favourite sock. Adam wasn’t looking at him, was looking very purposefully away from him in fact. He was perched on the arm of the couch Ronan was looking under, folding clothes into three piles and currently paying far too much attention to the t-shirt he was folding so as to avoid Ronan’s gaze. 

 

“You can stay here as long as you want,” Ronan replied, as casual as possible. 

 

“I can’t, though,” Adam said, put the shirt down on Ethan’s pile, “I mean. I’m still paying rent there, I can’t just… well. Yeah. Plus you won’t want us around here all the time.”

 

Ronan pulled the sock out, shook a bit of lint off of it, and reached over to put it on Darcy’s pile. 

 

“I’ve already asked you to move in,” he said, matter-of-factly, “so I think it ought to be obvious that I do want you guys around here all the time.” 

 

Adam didn’t reply, just kept folding. Ronan shuffled into a better position on the floor, and then joined in with the folding. Waited for Adam to figure out what it was he was trying to say, trying to get through. 

 

“I’m… worried about the case,” Adam said eventually, slowly, “with my father. And - I know that when I’m worried that…. That Ethan gets sad.” 

 

He paused here to swallow, to pair up a couple of socks. Ronan thought about Ethan crying, burrowed under his jumper, upset that Adam was upset. 

 

“Part of being a good br- uh -  _ dad _ to Ethan means looking after myself, I guess, so. So I wanna stay here. For the rest of the case. Because… uh… I worry less here, and Ethan is more occupied, and… yeah. Is that ok?” 

 

There ought to be a word in the english language that said that a thing was much better than ok and in fact something excessively dreamed about, but said it without sounding all soppy and using so many words. 

 

“Yeah,” Ronan said, “it’s ok.” 

 

Adam still looked half unsure, eyes cast down at the clothes, lip caught between his teeth. Ronan pushed forwards. 

 

“Besides,” Ronan shrugged, “if I said no Darcy would have my head. Apparently you’re the best at making scrambled eggs. Plus then I’d have to do the washing by myself and I hate folding.” 

 

Adam snorted, hit Ronan lightly around the head with the teatowel he’d just picked up. “Shut up,” he said, but his face was lifted, and his lips were lifted, and he no longer looked unsure. 

 

Adam took the BMW and went to work, and Ronan went to inform the kids that it was time for bed. 

 

-

 

The following morning arrived far too quickly. When he had lived at home with his mother, he used to always get up before five in the morning, to let the cows out, to feed them, to feed the chickens, to blah blah blah. He’d have done all his morning chores and gone for a jog, and taken a shower before seven, and then he’d go lie down with Darcy until eight, or whenever Darcy decided was a good time to wake up, and then he’d make breakfast for them all. He had thought that maybe his body would keep this schedule even without him holding it to it, but no. Here, where he kept his own work hours because they weren’t demanded of him by several hungry cows and from the ever impatient orders of time, he tended to sleep in. Not late - certainly not as late as Matty liked to sleep, long into the early hours of the afternoon some days - but definitely past five. Usually until about eight. 

 

So, waking up now, at six thirty in the morning, was not ideal. Also not ideal was Adam’s tone of voice. Extra not ideal was the fact that Adam wasn’t in bed with him, was in fact not even in the same room. He sounded like he was on the phone. 

 

Ronan rolled over, took in Ethan and Darcy deeply asleep still, sprawled like starfish across more than half the bed. He uncoiled himself from the sheets, tugged the blankets up over the kids, and, shivering at the early morning chill, followed Adam’s voice out into the lounge. 

 

It wasn’t the Adam was speaking loudly, he wasn’t, it was just the tone of his voice that had woken Ronan up. He was on the phone, scrunched down in one corner of the couch, phone clutched to his ear. He wasn’t talking now, just listening, and he glanced up at Ronan as he came in, and then away again but unfolded his free arm from around himself and reached his hand out to Ronan. 

 

Ronan stepped over the back of the couch and squished himself in as close as he could without actually squashing Adam, took his hand in his and brought it to his mouth to kiss. He could hear only faintly the voice of a man from Adam’s phone, couldn’t make out the words. 

 

“I can’t do that,” Adam said, in response to who knows what, “I told you already, my lawyer has said I shouldn’t and -” his face twisted as he was interrupted, and he closed his eyes for a long moment before replying again. “I don’t care if you think that makes me weak,” he said, “I have to go ----- no ----- no ----- bye.” 

 

He ended the call, looked at his phone screen for a few long moments, then locked it and dropped it down onto his lap before simply turning in against Ronan and leaning up against him. He was cold, Ronan realised, his skin chilly against Ronan’s bedwarm body. He wrapped his arms tightly around Adam’s shoulders, waited until Adam had shifted further in Ronan’s arms so that he was comfortable, so his hands were gripping on tightly to Ronan, his face buried in Ronan’s shoulder. 

 

“You ok?” Ronan asked, once Adam was still again, was slowly warming up under his hands. 

 

“I’m just tired,” Adam murmured, words Ronan had probably heard him say hundreds of times already. 

 

“Was that…  your father?” Ronan asked, rubbing one hand up Adam’s back carefully, trying to find the perfect balance between too soft and painful. 

 

“He thinks that if we just meet, face to face, we can sort this all out without any extra cost or stupidity,” Adam mumbled, “that I’m being embarrassing and dramatic. That I’m weak for getting outside help.” 

 

“Sounds like he knows he’s going to lose the case,” Ronan replied, aiming for encouraging, but Adam simply scoffed unhappily. “Adam,” Ronan pushed, “hey. You’re doing the right thing.” 

 

“ _ I _ know that,” Adam said, “I do. It just… he’s not stupid, my dad. He’s.... he’s cruel and… and narcissistic but not stupid. He’s just betting on my  _ fear _ of him.” 

 

“Well I hope for his sake,” Ronan said cautiously, “that he’s not betting too much, because he’s going to lose this bet by a landslide.” 

 

Adam didn’t reply, just drew in slow steady breaths and exhaled them through his mouth - Ronan’s shirt getting slightly damp in the process. Ronan shifted his back rubbing hand up into Adam’s curls, rubbed his thumb gently against Adam’s nape, scratched lightly at his scalp. 

 

“I wish he didn’t get to me like he did,” Adam said, “I always think I’m above it. That I’m far enough from it to - to react like I do. And then he calls, or turns up, and I’m just… I’m just his good for nothing brat of a kid again.” 

 

“You were never just his good for nothing brat of a kid,” Ronan said, “no matter how you felt. Now matter what he said. You’ve always been more than that.” 

 

“Did I wake you?” Adam asked then, tilting his head against Ronan’s chest, and then shifting it so he could look at Ronan’s face  _ finally _ . “I didn’t mean to.” 

 

“Nah,” Ronan said easily, “I just woke up cold. The kids stole all the blankets.” 

 

“Hm,” Adam snorted, pressed in closer to Ronan again. “It is cold.” 

 

“Come back to bed,” Ronan suggested, pressed a kiss to Adam’s temple. His skin was still cooler than it should be. “Let’s sleep a little more, I’ll warm you up.” 

 

“Ok,” Adam mumbled. 


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heyyyyyy sorry this is a bit short and also extra unedited. Got some pretty fucked up news recently and it's vomited all over my life. I really appreciate all of you for the kudos and comments!! It really makes my day to know that people enjoy my writing! I'll try and reply to all the comments in my inbox ASAP. 
> 
> NB. R.D-B, gtfo.

It was difficult to keep living his life like he wasn’t facing down the demon he’d grown up running from, but Adam was  _ trying _ . He liked to think that if this was just for him he’d be trying as hard as he was now, but he was glad he didn’t have to put that theory to the test. 

 

Him taking his father to court wasn’t just for his peace of mind. It was so that Ethan could grow up with a stable home. It was so Ethan wouldn’t have to grow up with Adam always in a fret. It was to comfort Ronan. It was to make Adam a better boyfriend for Ronan, a better person for Darcy to be around. 

 

So. He kept going to his classes, to his jobs, to his study sessions. He spent as much time as possible with Ronan and Darcy and Ethan. He went to therapy. He talked consistently with his lawyer. He blocked his father’s number. He blocked his mother’s number. He kept track of where the case was, where it was headed. Didn’t pick up calls from unknown numbers. 

 

Went to court. Sat and saw familiar faces from his childhood. People who had been brought here because of him, because of what he’d said. High school teachers, university professors, employers, his landlord, doctors, nurses, his therapist, the play school caregivers, Ronan, Ronan, Ronan, Ronan. 

 

His parents. 

 

Gansey and Blue took the kids for the day, Adam pretended he wasn’t desperately scared that he would never get to see Ethan again. Didn’t want to scare Ethan, to leave him anxious. Kissed him just the once and cried in the car as they drove away. Quietly though. He didn’t want Ronan anxious either. 

 

Couldn’t curb his own anxiety, though. 

 

-

  
  


“I don’t get it,” he breathed, more air than voice, over half the day later. He had his face pressed against Ronan’s neck, his body held up only by the grace of Ronan’s arms around his waist. “I don’t get it.” 

 

“You spoke so well,” Ronan mumbled, pressed his lips to to Adam’s temple, then to the shell of Adam’s hearing ear.”

 

Adam sniffed, cleared his throat, blinked hard until his eyelashes weren’t so clumpy with half shed tears. 

 

“What is it you don’t get?” Ronan asked when Adam didn’t say anything more, squeezed Adam around the middle gently. “It all looked pretty clear cut from where I was standing.” 

 

“I don’t get,” Adam said slowly, carefully, “how  _ easy _ that was. I mean. It wasn’t easy. It was hellish, but, but it was technically easy. It was quick. It’s done. I’ve been terrified of this my whole life and it all just happened. It’s done.” 

 

“It’s done,” Ronan agreed, “you’ve only gotta worry about your homework now.” 

 

Adam huffed out a short laugh, drooped even further in Ronan’s arms, relishing that he could be held entirely upright by him. 

 

“It probably wouldn’t have been so easy if I didn’t have Marianne,” Adam admitted while Ronan kissed his cheekbone. “If I didn’t have you. And Gansey. If I was on my own doing this.” 

 

“Do you think he’ll get much time?” Ronan asked, adjusting his grip around Adam’s waist and jostling him enough that Adam lifted his face from his shoulder. “Or just like, community service hours?” 

 

“I don’t know. I don’t care, really,” Adam admitted, closed his eyes as Ronan leaned in to kiss just under his eyebrow. “He’s not allowed to contact me or Ethan. Neither of them have any claim to him. Ethan’s  _ mine _ now. My kid. Legally. My d- Robert - can’t blackmail me, can’t ask for anything. That’s it. It’s  _ over _ . That’s all I wanted.” 

 

“I wouldn’t say no to him being chucked into a swamp,” Ronan said, “but I’m happy you’re happy.” 

 

“I am happy,” Adam said, firm, tipped his chin up to kiss Ronan proper on the lips, “let’s go get the kids.”

 

-

 

It took a while longer, because Adam still did have work and class and therapy and moving and a boyfriend and a son and basically a daughter and --- God, so many responsibilities. So, it took a couple of months before Adam got the next step straightened out and made legal, officially adopted Ethan. 

 

“I want ras-berries,” Ethan informed him, while they walked around the supermarket together, him holding tightly to the side of the cart, “on th’ cake. Pleeease.” 

 

“We’ll look and see if they have some tinned ones,” Adam offered, squinting at the shopping list he had in one of his hands. “But we’re lookin’ for the yogurt Ronan likes, remember?” 

 

“Rub-arb,” Ethan agreed, nodding, “an’ then ‘dop-chun cake.” 

 

“Yup,” Adam said, bent over to grab the yogurt and put it in the cart. “You want sprinkles for the cake too?” 

 

“Uh-huh,” Ethan said, hopping with each syllable, “an’ candles, an’ flowers, an’ a mermaid on-a-top.” 

 

“You can have flowers or candles,” Adam suggested, “and I’m not sure we can find a mermaid to go on top in here.” 

 

He and Ethan had only moved in  _ officially _ to the flat with Ronan and Darcy a couple of days ago, but Adam felt like he already had the joint shopping pretty down pat. He could live with the fact that on the weeks Ronan shopped they’d have pricier things, and Ronan could live with Adam buying budget. They’d already been sharing shopping for quite a while before the actual move, seeing as the four of them spent the majority of their meals and times with each other anyway, and it just seemed sensible. Sensible is what Adam needed. Mostly. 

 

This shop wasn’t a normal shop though, which was a little bit stressful seeing as it was a more expensive shop, and had been something he and Ronan had bickered about casually (‘ _ It’s my turn to do the shopping this week, Lynch, so I’ll do the shopping.’ ‘Sure Parrish, but we don’t hold a party every week so the stakes are uneven.’ ‘We’ll hold more parties, dumbass, you can shop for some of them’) _ before Adam had driven to the supermarket.

 

Not stressful enough that he was actively worried about it, just stressful enough that he added it to his mental list of topics to talk about at his next therapy session. More stressful, however, was the fact that he was about to be meeting Ronan’s  _ mum _ for the first time tonight. 

 

It was really his fault he hadn’t met her before now - he hadn’t wanted to meet her until the stuff with his parents had been sorted out, and then it was apparently a very busy time on farms, and then Adam had exams and had told Ronan he would stop being able to function if he had any more stress, and so they had just never found an appropriate time to have a proper visit with her so  _ now _ she was coming to Ethan’s adoption party and it all felt quite a lot. But he was looking forward to it. He really was. Just in a stressed out kind of way in which he spent too much time remembering that he’d let Ethan help with trimming his hair last week and it was pretty uneven at the back, and also on worrying about whether she’d think he wasn’t good enough for Ronan because he knew he didn’t really look like he matched up, and - 

 

He gathered himself up again properly by the time they were in the freezer section, and Ethan pointed out the snap frozen raspberries, which would definitely be nicer than the tinned ones, so he added that to the cart too and returned to his vague worryings about how much this shop was going to be. 

 

-

 

“She’s not gonna be here for another hour, Parrish,” Ronan said from half inside the pantry where he was putting the tins away, “and she isn’t going to care if there’s dust under the microwave.” 

 

“Maybe she won’t care, but I might,” Adam retorted, but pulled himself away from peering under the microwave anyway and returned to unpacking the groceries. “I don’t know how you’re so calm about this.” 

 

“About my mother, who is one of the chillest people I know, meeting my boyfriend, who is intensely likeable? I don’t know how I couldn’t be.” 

 

“Ok well,” Adam snorted, started shifting the eggs from the carton to the egg basket, “first of all, plenty of people don’t like me, and secondly? Most people are worried about their parents meeting their new partner, right?” 

 

“When have I ever seemed like most people to you?” Ronan replied with a short laugh, stepped out of the pantry and up behind Adam to press his chest against Adam’s back and his arms around Adam’s waist. 

 

“Cocky,” Adam said, leaned back against Ronan and kept shifting the eggs. 

 

“You like that about me,” Ronan said, kissed behind Adam’s ear. 

 

“I do,” Adam admitted with a shrug, ducked out of Ronan’s arms to toss the carton in the recycling, and leaned around the counter to make sure the kids were still actually playing jenga and not trying to stick the jenga blocks in the DVD player again. They weren’t playing jenga, they were building little houses with the blocks, but that was still fine. 

 

“Mum’s gonna love you,” Ronan said, shifting to lean against the counter and reaching out to tug Adam back over to him. “Even if you were the most unlikeable person in the world. She’d love you because I love you. And Darcy loves you. That’s all she needs to know to know she loves you.” 

 

“Sap,” Adam said, let himself be tugged into a hug and a kiss and then another kiss. 

 

“You like that about me too,” Ronan grinned once he’d fulfilled his kiss quota. 

 

“Yeah,” Adam rolled his eyes, then just said what he was thinking before he’d finished passing it through the logic part of his brain. “We should get married.” 

 

“Yeah we should,” Ronan snorted, “right now. City hall in ten?” 

 

“Uh,” Adam said, sudden doubt, or confusion maybe, making his stomach cold. “I meant for that to come out like, more romantic. In a nicer setting. With a ring and flowers or something, but. I did mean it.” 

 

“Oh,” Ronan said, his face shifting quickly from jokey to confused, and then slowly to what Adam was pretty sure was vaguely hopeful. “Wait. That was a … legitimate proposal?” 

 

“Uh,” Adam said again, definitely should have thought about this whole thing for a while first so that he could have gotten the wording and the setting right. “Yeah. It doesn’t have to be if you don’t want it to be, though. We can just ignore it, and -” 

 

“Uh-uh,” Ronan said quickly, shaking his head, “but goddamn, Parrish, what kinda story is that to tell the grandkids? Oh yeah, Your grandad here asked me to marry him like he was asking me to check on the oven. Such a sweet story.” 

 

“God,” Adam rolled his eyes, felt something like relief tingling in his lungs, “I’m sorry. I was just - I’ve just been thinking about it for… for ages, and I guess my brain just fully green lit it and couldn’t wait another second to say something to you about it and -” 

 

“Shit,” Ronan said softly, his face the stark opposite of shit, “Man,” he said, “y’know if you’d said something about it to me earlier I would have just told you that my brain was doing the same thing. But I was holding out to pop the question in front of like, a fireworks display, or a waterfall, or after saving you from a burning building, or whatever.” 

 

“No you weren’t,” Adam snorted, shut his eyes as Ronan leaned in to kiss him, “you know I’d hate that.” 

 

“Yeah,” Ronan said, mouth basically on Adam’s still, “I was thinking about asking you over dinner one night when the kids were over at Gansey’s maybe. Would have cooked you lasagne. Asked you while you had a mouthful of pasta and tomato.” 

 

“Rude,” Adam got out before Ronan kissed him again, then, his hands on Ronan’s chest to push them apart enough to speak again, “wait, wait, wait. That’s a yes to the getting married thing? Even though I don’t have a ring?” 

 

“That’s a yes,” Ronan said.

 

“You don’t need to think about it?” Adam pressed. 

 

“No,” Ronan shook his head, “do you? You can if you need to.” 

 

“No,” Adam said as well, laughed suddenly, like a bubble of joy had just popped in his throat, “oh my God. I don’t even have a ring for you, I haven’t even met your  _ mum _ -” 

 

“You’re about to,” Ronan reminded him, “and we can get rings together.” 

 

“Oh my God,” Adam said again, “I’m gonna meet your mum for the first time and immediately tell her we’re engaged! It’s just gonna pop out, I can feel it. I’ll see her and it’ll be like taking truth serum.” 

 

“Are you going to ask for her permission too?” Ronan teased, “Promise her you’ll look after me?” 

 

“I promise you I’ll look after you,” Adam said, “to the best of my capabilities.” 

 

“Do we tell the kids now, then?” Ronan asked, “Or wait and tell them and mum and  _ everyone else who will be here in an hour _ all at once?” 

 

“I have terrible timing,” Adam mumbled, “proposing badly just an hour before a party. Plus, it’s a party about Ethan. So. God. We shouldn’t tell people at the party.” 

 

“I disagree,” Ronan said. 

 

“If you’re just saying that so I make the face you find funny, I refuse to make that face.” 

 

“I wasn’t,” Ronan said, “but you did make the face, so it’s really killing two birds with one stone, huh?” 

 

“Sure.” 

 

“I disagree,” Ronan continued, “because I think Ethan would be perfectly happy to share. So long as we don’t say the cake is for us too. Because it’s his adoption party, and, so long as you’re not kidding about the getting married thing, I’ll be adopting him too. If you want me to.” 

 

“I want you to,” Adam said immediately, “I mean. God. Yes. And I want to adopt Darcy too. Shit.” 

 

“What?” 

 

“Are we just diving into this too fast?” Adam asked, gripped Ronan’s forearms tightly, “We’ve not even known each other a full year yet.” 

 

“Do you feel unsure?” Ronan asked, his face the carefully neutral one he wears when he’s deluding himself about being good at hiding his feelings. “Because if you do we can put the brakes on this, easy. Ok? We can just keep doing what we’ve been doing, make sure it still works, re-visit -” 

 

“God,” Adam snorted, amused despite himself at Ronan’s careful words, “I’m not unsure. No. Sorry. I was just - I know this is all very quick. I fell in love too quick, I trusted you too quick, I moved in, but like - it’s all turned out great. So it wasn’t too quick, right? It was the right time because we wanted it and it was what we thought was best, and this is too. I think it is. I think it’s the right time.” 

 

“Ok,” Ronan rolled his eyes, “so you just wanted to conduct a full little debate with yourself, huh?” 

 

“Maybe,” Adam shrugged. “So. We tell them at the party? After the cake?” 

 

“Sounds like a plan,” Ronan grinned, “c’mon, we gotta actually finish putting the shopping away and  _ make _ the damn cake.” 

 

“Oh shit,” Adam said, “yeah.” 


	16. Chapter 16

 

Meeting Aurora had not been as terrifying as Adam had anticipated. In fact, he had been stressed for exactly ten seconds upon meeting her, and then she had told Ethan he was a lovely boy and had given Adam a hug and a kiss for Ronan and Adam hadn’t been able to not love her.

 

He and Ronan had told her and Ethan and Darcy about the engagement before the party, and Aurora had looked so pleased, and had given Adam a kiss as well and didn’t even look at all like she was faking anything, so. 

 

The party had gone well, Ethan had had a blast, they waited until the kids were busy before telling the party guests as well. Gansey cried. If people thought it was too soon, they kept their mouths shut, which Adam appreciated. Matthew - who Adam had only met about four times previous - declared that Adam was already his favourite brother, so that was nice. 

 

-

 

He never wanted anything… showy. He had thought for a while when he was younger that when he grew up he wanted the big fancy minimalist chrome houses, the parties with unlimited alcohol, the wedding with the biggest budgets - but --- but. 

 

But that had just been an escapist fantasy, something so hugely juxtaposed to his life at the time. He had imagined - as a very young child - leaving Henrietta and becoming the life of the party somewhere else, the one with the bottomless pockets, somewhere else. He never had grown into liking crowds, though, or full rooms of moneyed people, or staying up late, or even alcohol. 

 

All he really wanted was to enjoy what he was doing, and have the enjoyment well outweigh the stress of living. 

 

They decided on a wedding at the Lynch family farm. Out among the fruit trees and wild flowers, with the mountains playing backdrop, and the Henrietta sun on lighting. It was a small event - strictly family and close friends - and the atmosphere was light and easy and not at all like how Adam would have expected his first visit back to Henrietta being. At the Barns, in Singers Falls, it wasn’t at all like what he knew of Henrietta, the scenery didn’t drop him into flashbacks, the familiar mountains simply served to remind him that he knew this place. It was a blessing to know that he could retake places in his mind to create them into something safe.

 

He and Ronan honeymooned only a few hours away, at a bach by the sea, neither of them wanting to travel far. Darcy and Ethan were left with Aurora at the farm. 

 

-

 

“If it weren’t for the kids,” Adam mumbled into the fabric of the duvet on the last full day of their honeymoon, “I wouldn’t wanna leave here at all.” 

 

“Kuh,” Ronan snorted, shifted slightly in his position beside Adam where he was rubbing Adam’s back with sunscreen, and had been for the last five minutes. “Please. Another week of nothing but sunbathing, swimming, and sex and you would start to die of study starvation.” 

 

“Hm,” Adam mumbled, tipped his head a little to the side to let Ronan run his sunblock sticky hands up his neck and behind his ear. “Maybe.” 

 

“I’m looking forward to going home,” Ronan said, “this is a nice bed and all but I can’t sleep properly unless it’s my bed. Plus when I’m home I can show off how married I am.” 

 

Adam laughed, muffled against the bed. “Hey,” he said, “are you finished sunscreening me? Or has this just devolved into a tactic to keep me on the bed?” 

 

“I would never devolve anything,” Ronan said with mock affront. “But maybe I would be able to focus on simply putting sunblock on you if you were actually dressed.” 

 

Adam shrugged, “I mean,” Adam said, “you did very thoroughly lotion my ass. You didn’t seem unfocused then.” 

 

Ronan pinched his side, not hard. Adam yelped anyway, shifted until Ronan let up and let him roll over, and then tugged Ronan down beside him. 

 

“I’ve never been away from Ethan for this long,” Adam said, “you haven’t been away from Darcy this long either, yeah?” 

 

“Yeah,” Ronan shrugged, “I think the longest was two days. I miss her. I dreamed last night she forgot who I was but didn’t forget who you were and everytime I tried to remind her who I was she got a lawyer to come and jargon at me.” 

 

“Oh dear,” Adam said mildly, “that’s… huh.” 

 

Ronan kissed Adam’s shoulder, then leaned his forehead against it. 

 

“Let’s go for a swim,” Adam said after a few long moments, “come back here to dry off and have a quick fuck, and then let’s go get the kids.” 

 

“What?” Ronan said. 

 

“I said let’s have a quick fuck before we get the kids,” Adam said, shuffling his arm underneath Ronan’s head, “what do you think?” 

 

“You don’t wanna stay another night?” Ronan asked, shifting up on his elbow so he was bent over Adam. “I thought you said you didn’t want to leave?” 

 

“I said I wouldn’t want to if it wasn’t for the kids,” Adam reminded him, “but we do have kids, and I do miss them, and you miss them, and I wanna go home with them and sleep the all four of us in our bed that you can actually fall asleep well in.” 

 

“So,” Ronan reiterated, “you  _ don’t  _ wanna stay another night?” 

 

“No,” Adam rolled his eyes, “do you?” 

 

“No,” Ronan said quickly, then grinned, “which isn’t to say that I didn’t enjoy every moment of solitude with you, of course.” 

 

“Of course,” Adam said primly, “want me to sunblock you?” 

 

“Please.” 

 

They didn’t actually end up going swimming first. 

 

-

 

They let Aurora know they were on their way home, but apparently she had opted to not tell the kids and keep it as a surprise because as soon as Adam had pulled the BMW up in its park at the Barns, Ethan came barreling out of the house, Darcy hot (or pretty warm) on his heels. 

 

“Dad!” Ethan all but screamed when Adam opened the door, “What!” 

 

“Hey sweetheart,” Adam said, levering himself out of the car and grinning at Ethan and Ethan’s curls which were all plaited up around his head and stuck with flowers. “You look very pretty.” 

 

“Am!” Ethan agreed, then closed the short distance between them and wrapped himself around Adam’s legs. “You’re early!” 

 

“We missed you too much,” Adam said cheerfully, hoisting Ethan up from his legs onto his hips and leaning against the car behind him. “We wanted to see you guys.” 

 

Ronan had come around the car by now and scooped a just arriving Darcy up into his arms to cover in kisses. 

 

“Missed us!” Darcy crowed. 

 

Ronan stepped closer to Adam and Ethan, until he could reach to kiss Ethan’s cheek as well, and then Adam’s, and then Ethan’s again. 

 

“We did miss you,” Ronan agreed, “but I bet you two didn’t miss us, huh?” 

 

Darcy and Ethan exchanged a look, both their faces screwed up. Ethan cracked first. 

 

“I missed you,” he said solemnly, leaning in between Adam and Ronan so his face was pressed against the both of their shoulders, “but nana said I was very brave.” 

 

“Am brave too,” Darcy chipped in, “no daddy an’ no Adad.” 

 

“You’re both very brave,” Adam said, leaned forwards a little so he could press a kiss to Darcy’s cheek which appeared to be sticky with… blueberries? “And we’re very proud of you, and I’m sure your nana will be sad to see you two go!” 

 

“Or,” Aurora called from the porch, “I’ll turn my music up really loud and do some proper gardening!” 

 

Adam laughed. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's short, so I'm sorry! Thank you to everyone who has read, commented, liked this fic!!! Your support helps my writing so much! I appreciate each and everyone of y'all <3 <3 <3

**Author's Note:**

> In this particular story I'm writing Adam with fibromyalgia as it can be caused by abuse - specifically child abuse. Also because I have fibromyalgia and I am in a lot of pain right now and this is a good vent.
> 
>  
> 
> my tumblr is now etoilegarden!


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